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I remember being stunned by this when I read it. It just interpreted the prompt so beautifully, that moment, frozen mid-explosion.
I loved the flashes of characterization in it; not just Luna, but her mother - that in that frozen moment she's thinking not only of Luna but also about why this happened.
Equally wonderful is the imagery, and also the distance you managed to create by having an explosion happening and yet all these thoughts running through her head. That, plus the repeated "the world can still," really made it seem as if time was frozen.
Lastly, of everything said, the line that really broke my heart was "For making her ask that question, so young." It's so simple, but it's a reminder of what Luna had to face.
When I clicked on the link to this poem, I had no idea what to expect, but if I had formed preconceptions, they certainly weren't of prose poetry and Luna's mother. Now, however, my head is so full of her image, her thoughts and feelings, that I can't envision the poem any other way.
For a character we learn so very little about in canon, you've certainly created a strong image of her in my head. The first paragraph didn't immediately make me realise who you were writing about - my mind jumped to Malfoys - but even then, the hair was clear in my mind. On rereading, I loved having that clear physical connection between her and Luna, to help me connect to her in turn. It wasn't until the mention of Plimpies that I was completely certain who she was, and I rather liked having that extended period of uncertainty. It drew out my curiosity, which seemed rather appropriate for a character who I always imagined to be just as curious as you say.
Not naming her was also a good choice, I thought. Trying to fit a name into the second person speech like that could have sounded clunky and broken your rhythm, whereas I found the flow of this poem very effective. The longer sentences meandered nicely, and mixing them with shorter phrases kept my attention nicely, which not all prose poetry does, for me. The repetition of â€śThe world can stand stillâ€ť really unified the three sections for me, and ending on â€śstillâ€ť just brought it all home. That little bit in parentheses, though, was what hit me hardest. It's like the world stands still on that thought, if that makes sense. Her love for Luna will stand still in the world, whatever else happens, and I feel like you encapsulated that completely in those two little brackets.
In terms of the actual events of the poem, I thought your choice of moments worked well. Of course the death had to feature - it's the only thing we know of in her life - but I'm glad you didn't use solely that. Starting with this simple change, of cutting her hair, made me see her as a real, changing, impermanent person. I'm sure we've all done that at some point after a hair cut, reached for hair that wasn't there. And then moving on to Luna, who was surely a huge part of her life, made me see all that she would miss after her death. Those little snippets were so sweet, and so very Luna-like with their bright colours, and showed so much of her early childhood in so few words. I can't quite explain how much I loved that.
I think that's why this poem works so well for me. It's not long or complex, but it feels like you capture a life in it. And despite the character's lack of name or previous development, I feel connected to her, like I know her, know about her at least. It's really, really wonderful.
Author's Response: Hezzu!
Oh my goodness. Thank you for your truly awesome review! :D It must be interesting, reading it the first time and trying to figure out who it's about...I hadn't really thought of that, but when you mention it, it must throw a different spin on the beginning once you realize who it's about.
I'm glad you thought it conveyed a lot! Poetry's supposed to mean more than it says, but it's different when you're writing a prose poem: you have to make sure that it flows like a poem, that it means things the way a poem does, yet is still in paragraphs and everything. Indeed, the break at the end for "I love you, sweetheart" was something I added after writing the rest. It wasn't prose, exactly, but it still worked, and I thought the ending really needed it.
I'm finding that capturing a life (or a major event/period in a life) in a poem is something I really love to try to do. I have now done this for Alice Longbottom, Ginny, Snape, Ariana, Luna's mother, and maybe even (rather abstractly) Luna. Poetry tells a story every bit as well as a biography, I think; you lose all the extraneous detail and just keep the essence.
Thank you again for reviewing! :)
This is such an incredible poem. I'm sitting here awestruck as I read and am so pleased you've added this to the archive because it's a true gem.
I remember the picture that inspired the poem (well, we're in the same class - ha ha) and it did have a very ethereal, and Luna ish feel to it, which I think you've captured so brilliantly here, despite it being her mother.
Um, anyway, I'm not really able to give you any crit because it's such a wonderful poem and I'm not sure what I could add, so I shall sidle away and stop gushing now ....
Except to say ..... I LOVE THIS!
Author's Response: Thank you!!!! I don't really know what else to say to this lovely review of yours....except that, yeah, a lot of the time, things that seem ethereal automatically remind me of Luna. :P Jenny