MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
04/18/14 19:43 · For:
Name: teh tarik
This is Vicki of Slytherin House, and I am happy to review your poem , even though the Slytherin is the Bad Guy and dies in the end. :) I particularly like sonnets, because they have just the right amount of volume (fourteen lines of ten syllables each) to tell the story thoroughly without being wordy. And I just finished writing a 2014 Cotillion story in which the Battle of Hogwarts features prominently, so my brain is full of this scene right now.
I like the way you reference the sun at the beginning and then at the end of the poem; it makes the poem feel as if it’s neatly tied up. And of course the fact that the good guys won just as the sun rose over the horizon has always given the scene high drama, sufficient to declare, as you did, that the suddenly-blazing sun and the explosion of spells that annihilated the evil are one and the same.
It was good of you to highlight something that other writers never do: Harry addresses the Dark Lord by his given name, Tom, and urges him to have remorse for his monstrously evil deeds. This is not just a throwaway line in the books; without these elements, Lord Voldemort is almost like a mechanical evil robot; we need to be reminded that, at his core, he is simply a person.
Another good line is “The boy lets fate run its disarming course. The wand was fated to come back to him, so he needed no stronger spell than Expelliarmus. And it did my heart good to read the line about the cackling witch who met her rightful end! Couldn’t happen to a more worthy person!
When I read in line five “victorious the red,” I did not realize at first that red equaled Gryffindor; I was trying to make it into blood, but all became clear in line twelve where you mentioned “green and red”.
One suggestion: in line three, where you say “knifes,” I think you want ”knives”.
In summary, I liked this sonnet very much. You use the language well; your sentences are succinct and accessible, with fresh ideas and images. Thank you for writing.
Author's Response: Hi Vicki, Thank you for all your lovely reviews. I agree, sonnets can make for fantastic narrative or emotive poetry, and I feel that the best poets can fit both in one. Yes the movements of the sky, be it planets or weather, can make for a great comparison to the events down here. I found it was a really important part of the books that Harry was not vengeful and offered Voldemort a second chance. Tom Riddle was one of my favourite characters (not least because I had a bit of a crush on Christian Coulson because damn...) and so I definitely think that a part of his character development was to do with him doing unforgivable things and feeling no remorse. You are so right that the line was certainly not throwaway. On the point of victorious the red, I thought it could also stand for expelliarmus as a spell. It always struck me that Expelliarmus and Gryffindor were the same colour and it's opposite green (Slytherin and AK) in the colour wheel. Thank you very much for your feedback! - BP
(Signed) · Date:
05/24/13 7:49 · For:
Hi there :)
Ooh, a sonnet! I haven't read one of these in ages ☺ It's so interesting that you're framing that final scene, the climax of DH, perhaps That Moment in the whole series, that final battle between Harry and Voldie, in a sonnet. I definitely think it works wonderfully, and that you have an excellent grasp for the form. This final battle will probably be remembered by the wizarding world in song and poetry, and I'm imagining this sonnet as one of those ^.^ Sorry, am rambling a bit. But anyway, this is a really lovely piece of writing, and the imagery was certainly very striking! I love all the reds of the poem - the rising sun, the spells, possibly blood. I think the final couplet was brilliant. Great work! I really enjoyed this!
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the compliments. I didn't actually realise how many reds I'd used in the poem, (whoops) but I'm glad you liked it. I think that that scene really works for the form because it's like a dramatic dance scene in many ways, and in many ways they are like the sonnets traditional lovers - as in they are the others counterpart, and they sort of share a soul.
Really glad you enjoyed the poem, and thanks again for the great review!