MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
01/19/14 17:11 · For:
Hi, Abi. This is Vicki From Slytherin House again. I have been reading your chaptered story, Forever In Her Shadow, and this chapter, as you say, fits into that narrative, but from a different viewpoint, Victoire’s instead of Dominique’s, and presents a basic premise of the story in a very different light. Just goes to show you that you can’t really judge a situation accurately until you’ve heard both sides.
In this story, we actually meet Amelia, but apparently Victoire already knows what Amelia is like, from having observed her behavior at Hogwarts; Victoire knows that Amelia is scheming and manipulative, but she cannot help allowing herself to be manipulated by Amelia, and as soon as the two girls are together, Victoire rises to Amelia’s bait. It is frustrating to watch a teenager like Victoire be so stupid.
One wonders why she never just sits down calmly with Teddy and tells him calmly what was going on between her and Amelia. When Teddy asks, “What happened to us, Victoire?” is her perfect chance to do this, but she throws it away. ”I’m not going to tell you anything until you answer [my question] honestly.” She let the conversation get sidetracked into another issue and gets angry again. It’s a wonder she can manage her personal affairs at all, being completely ruled by her emotions in a way that is painful to read.
Concerning the final scene, I compared it with the Epilogue of Deathly Hallows to see how closely the two fit together, and the only discrepancy I noticed was that, if the family all thought that Teddy and Amelia were engaged at that point, then the family would have mentioned that fact when James breathlessly reported that he had seen Teddy kissing Victoire. Otherwise it was a clever way of tying your story into canon.
Your writing is smooth and fluid. Even though it deals mainly with Victoire’s acute unhappiness over Teddy’s romantic relationship with another woman, it avoids saying the same thing over and over tediously, which a story of this theme could easily have done.
The picture you give of Victoire in Forever In Her Shadow is so different from this one that I am left wondering if the continuation of that story will all be from Dominique’s viewpoint, which is acutely unflattering to Victoire, or whether we will hear more from Victoire’s viewpoint also. I would recommend the latter. Perhaps these wizarding characters should not even contemplate getting married at such a young age. They all desperately need to grow up.
I have enjoyed this story so far, both this title and the story it relates to. Hope to see more in the future.
(Signed) · Date:
05/21/13 6:21 · For:
"This is a companion piece to my fic Forever in her Shadow and fits in between chapters 3 and 4."
What chapter 4?
Author's Response: Chapter 4 is on it's way, what happens in this piece occurs before the events in chapter four of Forever in her Shadow =)