I liked this story and the characters. I felt that I got to know them by the end. One thing, though-- the Charms teacher seems to have changed from female to male. Good story, anyway. I look forward to reading more of yours.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the comment!
Aww, very sweet. Excellent character development, especially of Rose. Especially strong beginning, really hooks you in. You might think about using the first line or two in your summary.
One thing, I don't think "persist" is the word you want for "forcing him to persist from laughing". I think you want "desist".
Very good little ficlet. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the comment - really made my day!
Nice. I know from experience that supposed opposites often have more in common than others can see... and I'm sure that if this budding romance found its way into Rose's home, her father's reaction would be something to behold.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and inspiration for another ficlet!
This was quite a sweet one-shot, and I liked the way you characterised the two main characters.
I thought it was a great place to start talking about how you think you are perceived vs how people actually perceive you, and the idea of having a public and private self. I think I would have liked more explanation for why Rose created her persona who is quite judgemental and opinionated, and also alienated though - to me following the discussion with Anna, she would realise the effect she has on people and try to change. So maybe you could have put in an incident where she was hurt (I know the girl in her class was being mean to her, but something with a bit more impact maybe).
I liked Scorpius' entrance and how you drew the connection between him and Rose and the way they have a different outward exterior. (Just one comment, you wrote that Gryffindor and Slytherin are never in the same class - but in canon they often share a class, eg Care of Magical Creatures). I liked the point when Rose realised that Scorpius was the closest thing she had to a friend, it made me feel a little sad for how isolated she was, but also liked the connection she had with Scorpius.
The ending of this was really sweet, and I liked how you touched again on the way they hide their feelings, like Scorpius laughing hysterically at the idea of them dating because he actually likes her but doesn't think she likes him - I think that gave the story a really nice finish and you worked that theme through the whole thing really well.
Just on your writing - I saw that this is your first fic on MNFF, and it's a really good start, but sometimes it feels a little over-written. For example in this sentence I had even grown to love the girlish nickname “Rosie”, which I had used to detest being called, even by my Mother. - I would just use 'hate' instead of detest; this story is written in a fairly familiar style by being first person, and so I think it would feel more natural to use simpler words throughout. Also there are a few clauses in that sentence which make it a bit jolty, maybe you could cut out the line "even by my mother", because I think the sentences has as much impact without it. A few times I think you've mixed up your tenses too - like "An uneasy silence fell between us..." and a bit later "I step a little closer".
I hope my review doesn't come across too negatively - this story is very sweet, with nice characterisation and a good theme to link it all together, but there are just a few things that I think would make it better.
Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long to reply, but I really didn't know how to respond to such a great comment! Thanks so much for the compliments and critisism alike, and I'll try to take those points on board when I write my next one. And as for the posh vocab, that's just how I talk! :)
Not the usual characterisations. A friendless Rose and Scorpius with curly hair? Very original.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing - just made my day :)