MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Karaley Dargen (Signed) · Date: 09/30/13 18:39 · For: The Girl In Madam Malkin's
Julia! This poem! *gasps* I'll try to put my feelings into words, but I can't promis that I will be coherent.

It's just so... incredible. I love how the structure of the poem sort of echoes the fragmented and torn fabric of Cedric's robes, which in turn echoes the broken family, the pain, the hole that can't be mended. It's not a perfect poem structurally, but that's the beauty about it. Nothing is whole here. Almost every line is an enjambement, because everything has been pushed into chaos.

Your choice of words is just so beautiful as well. "Please please: fix them." - that's almost my favourite line. But it'd be impossible to pick, since it's all so perfect. Especially the actions of the characters: "The girl tilts her head this way and that in a shake that / clearly means no, I’m sorry, I wish I could"

I can't coherently express how much I love this, especially the contrast between the grieving parents and the girl that sympathises but doesn't understand. She shows them the new robes, but the hole in their family can't be filled because Cedric can't be replaced.

The robes are fantastic as a metaphor and a stand-in for Cedric both in terms of the poem and the poetic language and in terms of the parents' grief, holding on to this one thing, if this can be fixed, then everything can....

I feel sort of stupid reviewing your poem, because you're so good at this, and I know you know everything I've said above, because you clearly thought this through incredibly well. Before I make more of a fool of myself, I just want you to know that I am completely in love with this and I admire your breathtakingly beautiful use of language - not just here, but in everything that you write.

Author's Response: Ahhh thank you so much, Kara! I was so excited to see this win alongside The Absent Guests, which is one of my favourites. It was quite emotional writing this poem so it's great to see that translate onto the readers, as well. Don't feel stupid!!! I love getting reviews from everybody, and this one has left a huge grin on my face. Thanks again xoxo

Name: dmbw7052 (Signed) · Date: 04/29/13 21:28 · For: The Girl In Madam Malkin's
I saw this poem in the exchange, and really likes it.. And when I saw it in t review circle, it was the opportune time to,read it and review. So here I am.

The story this poem tells is beautiful. I have no idea how you came up with it, bit congratulations, it's gorgeous. The whole symbolism of the robes being torn up and unfit able is so perfect for Cedric, it just makes my eyes tear up reading it.

I have a few suggestions though.

This sentence,

There are tears in the sleeve, holes in the breast, scars
of a curse.

It sounds like a series of things that are visible on the robes. Yet the last, scars of a curse, is telling the reason why they are there. It might be better to put the word "the" before "scars." Just sounds better to me. It's tiny, but it stood out to me for some reason.

The only other issue I have is the title. It seems to me as if it is talking about a girl going into Madam Malkin's, when in reality, she is just the clerk. I'm really not sure what you could change, and it just might be my opinion.

Over all, I loved it, and it was very well written.


Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Georgia! I see what you mean about adding "the" but I feel like it disrupts the flow so I think I shall leave it as is. The title is supposed to be misleading. In essence, this is an everyday scene: someone goes into a shop to get something fixed. I wanted the title to be as mundane as possible to make the impact of the poem that much greater. Again, thanks for the review and the crit :) Julia x

Name: hestiajones (Signed) · Date: 04/09/13 12:22 · For: The Girl In Madam Malkin's
aarrgh! just kill me, why don't you? this was one of my favs in the swap! i just love - though "love" doesn't quite seem like the right word - how the urgency of Amos' despair and needs are dismissed in such a business like manner. it goes to show how cruel life and living can get. :S the form was also a very fitting choice for the theme, or how you chose to portray the theme. nothing "flowery". nothing embellished. only bare, blunt and daunting.

Author's Response: I can't kill you because then I won't get anymore reviews from you. Hiss! But thank you!!! I must admit it's daunting writing free-form poetry when I've been subjected to your gorgeousness for so long. Amos has always been one of those minor characters that manage to move me just as much as one of the main characters in the series. His loss is just so palpable in both the books and the films. I wouldn't say it was a pleasure to explore that, but it was very much a challenging and interesting experience. xoxo

Name: teh tarik (Signed) · Date: 03/31/13 8:58 · For: The Girl In Madam Malkin's
Oh, this is such a beautiful piece. I never know what to say when it comes to poetry. But there's so much in this sad little piece and you've done an absolutely fantastic job in showing Amos' grief without being melodramatic. I love the mixture of tones (? not sure if this is the right word...), from Amos' overwhelming sense of loss to the salesgirl's pity and discomfort and her very mechanical and rather inappropriate response of "Four Galleons - half price special!" It's just so beautifully done.


Author's Response: It is certainly a mixture of tones and I am glad you liked that. At first it seems like the straight-forward and banal experience of going into a shop but then the focus really shifts to the grief of a man who has lost his child. I think one of the most powerful scenes in the films is in GoF when Amos discovers Cedric is dead. His raw sobbing still gets me every time. We also see everyone else in the Triwizard audience looking on with such hopelessness, shock, and pity and it was interesting to draw from that. Anyway, I will stop rambling now haha. Thank you so much for your review :D :D :D Julia xoxo

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 03/29/13 10:58 · For: The Girl In Madam Malkin's
Mah poem! (Well, it's yours, obviously, but it was for meeee, and I'm greedy when it comes to quality).

Julia I loved this at the time because of its utter originality. You also managed to take inspiration from the quote I loved and to weave an incredibly sad story after Cedric's death.

They are well-worn, the casualty of a body living hard or living young, perhaps both; waiting hollow for someone to step back in. The man looks up as if recalling a long-gone golden-time sky.

This set of lines here made my heart thump extra loud. You sum up Cedric so very well. Not necessarily the golden boy, the pretty boy, or the hero, (although he was all those things) but a normal boy roaring through life.

So many characters in HP didn't have a happy ending, but Amos's grief in the book and the film are so palpable. You've captured that here in such a poignant way.

sigh ... well done, and thank you.


Author's Response: Thank you, Carole! I was so set on writing a Cedric poem because I had Hufflepuffs on the mind after reading the SBBC discussions. Then I found this exercise in one of my poetry text books and was immediately inspired. Thank you for providing me with such fruitful prompts. I loved writing for you :)

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