MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
08/31/13 2:22 · For:
What Have I Done?
Hi, Sariana. This is Vicki of Slytherin House. After reading the first two chapters of your fic, I wanted to let you know that I think it is well done, beta or no beta. You have a very smooth writing style. The sentences are well constructed and flow well, with good word choices.
The story moves forward at a good pace, not dragging, even though it's just a conversation between two people in a hospital room. There is a good combination of dialogue, which impels the plot (the little we can see of it, so far), and inner thoughts, which give both background and explanation. And of course we readers are hooked by curiosity about what Snape has been doing for the past 20 years and what has caused his striking change of demeanor.
You have kept Hermione in the character we now, still concerned, even distressed, about her relationship with her parents as she struggles to keep a foot in each world. But you have shown us a radically different Snape,now about 58 years old, and we wonder what kind of wisdom he has gained in his later years.
I look forward to reading further chapters of this story to see where it goes. There seems to be enough imagination here to suggest more than just a routine romance. Keep it coming!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the lovely review! You've really nailed it, what I was trying to convey, that is. I actually have the next two chapters written (and posted elsewhere), but I've been really, really busy IRL, and chapter 5 is kind of stalled. I will get 3 and 4 posted here soon, though. Severus Snape is a fascinating character to me, and I spend a lot of time trying to analyze his motivations. There's a fairly simple--and mundane--explanation for the change in his demeanor, but it took him a while to get there. The next chapter gets everyone out of the hospital so the story can advance, but it is chapter 4 that has some revelations--about Hermione. ;-) I hope you won't be disappointed that this story is not a romance in the, well, romantic sense of the word. It is more a character analysis of two people who discover they really need each other, but not necessarily in the way they might expect.