MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
03/15/13 22:00 · For:
he is gone
I know I've told you this before, but eep, I love this so much! I'm so glad that you chose to write a Teddy/Lily, and I think that you did a fabulous job!
I think that the premise of this story is interesting. The fact that they are both essentially trying to protect and save each other, but they are failing miserably. It's like this puzzle that the reader has to figure out, and I think that this is the magic behind the whole thing. It was as if every detail had to be filed somewhere in my brain because it would come back and be explained in the end. While it may have made more sense to keep things in a logical order and have everything explained at once, it kept me reading actively, rather than the passive reading that I do.
I love how that with every story you write, you know that it is Ellie who has written it. The themes that run through your stories normally are in this story, too, even though they are a little more subtle than usual. The use of a child with behavioural issues is definitely your trademark, and it's used here, too. What's interesting is that it's definitely a quieter use of it, which makes this story softer.
The level of description in this story really worked well, I think. Even though you really haven't described much, I was given a very clear picture of what was going on in the story. You didn't really describe the room, but I could clearly picture exactly where they are. I could see the soft glow of the sun as it peeped through the curtains and made Teddy squirm. I could see Teddy and Lily clearly, how they look and how they are positioned in the setting. I was very pleased that they weren't just placed up against a white backdrop, rather enough was laid out for me to understand the setting.
It's interesting how similar the characterisation of Teddy and Lily are. Both are struggling just to keep afloat in their respective worlds, both are dependent on each other, and both are worrying their families. Teddy's background was very interesting. The fact that he always struggled with his behaviour, even though he had all the right support systems in place, is so different than how people normally portray him in fanfiction. Even though this is definitely not how I see Teddy's characterisation at all, I was able to fully believe that he was a bit of a problem child, especially since he spends so much time away from home at school as a child.
Lily also intrigued me. She has this very sweet personality that is just trying to help everyone and anyone, especially the ones she loves, as seen with Teddy. It's like she gives a thousand and one percent into every person, but I felt that it's almost like Teddy pulled her down with him, because she's just so involved with him. I love how we see so many sides of her personality in such a short time: love, anger, frustration, insecurity, understanding, and disappointment to name a few. She was so easy to connect to in that sense. It's almost as if she's trying to figure out things, but her emotions keep going out of control, a feeling that I have definitely experienced, and so made the story resonate with me.
I was very sad to see this story end -- I want to know what happens with their relationship! I think you should write a sequel so that I can figure out and so that we can spread some more Teddy/Lily love around this site.
Thank you so much for the birthday story :D
Author's Response: Of all the people who reviewed this, I was honestly most worried about yours. It is, after all for you and your OTP. :)
I know it was a weird idea, but I just heard the song 'Daylight' by Maroon Five, and knew how I wanted this piece to be. Even though he loves her, he has to go when the morning comes. I'm sorry it was confusing, because of the little hints, but more of my writing is like that than you think, as you will soon see in RTS. Those fluff chapters weren't for nothing. :) And I never really knew before that I had a signature in my writing, but now I realize just how much I do, even subtly. Overall I thought this piece was quieter and softer than most of mine are, so I'm glad that worked.
I know I don't explain a lot, and I was banking on the familiarity of the readers to what it would feel like to know what was happening, so I am extremely glad you got it. The sun was the major part, and I generally don't like a lot of description because then it lets the reader imagine their own scene (without the blank white backdrop issue) and see it how they will.
On characterization: I am so glad that you caught how similar they were, even though they acted completely different. I know that most people don't picture Teddy as nearly as dark as I do, but I think that even with his brilliant family and Gran that he would struggle. His parents left him to fight a war - his father twice - and that's a lot to carry around, especially as a teenager or young adult. As for Lily, I felt so guilty doing this to her. Everyone else sees what Teddy needs to fix, but Lily just sees the person she knows he can be, and it's hurting her being in this relationship with him, and making her emotions fluctuate a lot. Because, no matter what, she loves him. And it's destroying both of them.
I honestly doesn't know what happens after this, but now you've got me thinking, and I have an idea based on something we were discussing on AIM a few days ago. Thank you so much for the perfect SPEW review, and I am so glad you liked your present.
(Signed) · Date:
03/13/13 4:29 · For:
he is gone
Sad, but poignant and well-written. I like Teddy/LilyL stories, which are not as rare as you indicate in your note. I've not read Maple's on this site, but there are plenty on fanfiction.net. I especially like those written by Jojor99 (who writes a lot of other pairings, so you'll have to look through her work). "Like it Like That" is my favorite by her. "Daddy, I'm in Love" (with its sequel) is also good.
Name: Ribe featherquill
While I generally prefer happier endings, it's definitely good to show the issues that Teddy would have to deal with in his growing up. You did that well.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. :) I would definitely recommend checking out Maple (Maple_and_PheonixFeather)'s Leddy's, because they are simply brilliant. I know that it is actually a popular ship on other sites, but as of now Maple's two and mine are the only ones on this site. I'll definitely check out the ones you mentioned, though. Thank you so much for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
(Signed) · Date:
03/07/13 14:46 · For:
he is gone
I read this yesterday and have mixed feelings about this - it is dark as the rest of your stories, but I've come to expect that. Hope Teddy will find start to believe in himself - I don't like this broken Teddy, for me he is the happy and loving Teddy I've come to know through most fanfiction.
The story wasn't as easy to read as some of the others you've written. It about the flow, how things are hinted at or reffered to without the reader knowing what it is at the time, for later to reveal it.
By the way; I nearly allways read your stories within two days of uploads, but I seldom use my computer at present - therefore the lack of reviews.
With the hope of an update of Remember the Slytherins - Thank you for another story.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. :) I know that my work is dark, and even when I honestly try for it not to be (like here), it just happens. I think that Teddy will be fixed with time, because we know he'll come crawling back to Lily. I also know about the flow issues; it was written rather quickly, and I hope to go back and edit soon. And thank you so much for the reviews that you do leave, and just for reading. I have just gotten over a severe RTS block, so more will come probably in a week or so. Thank you so much again for the review!
(Signed) · Date:
03/06/13 19:46 · For:
he is gone
Hi there! I read this last night before bed so I apologize for the late review. I liked it, which I'll admit I wasn't expecting because it's so sad, lol. Like, I love what Maple did with Teddy and Lily in her fic and you pretty much turned that on it's head here. But it was so original and unique. We all think Teddy must turn out perfect with such a support system, but sometimes that doesn't help a bit. His parents died when he was what? A month old? While I have every confidence that he got good genes from them and that Andromeda did her best, I just liked that you dared to mess him up. I felt really bad for him and wished he just had a bit of confidence in himself so he could figure it all out and be the Teddy we all know and love.
There were a few places where I was a bit confused, because there obviously is some back story that wasn't always clear (sometimes until later on), and a few things seemed repetitive, but overall you created a very heartbreaking picture of a boy who wants to love but won't let himself. What do you see happening next? I'm just curious.
Nice job taking Teddy someplace different and dark! And Happy belated Birthday to Maple. ;)
Author's Response: Gina <3333 Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and leave such a lovely review! (I honestly didn't know if anyone would) I am still really unsure about this piece, but I'm so glad you liked it, even though it is in the tone of my normal pieces... sad. For this I honestly tried for it to be somewhat happy but then it took control and went into this.
I know that Teddy is really, really insecure in this, but I haven't pictured him any other way. He's had to cope with his parents' deaths since he can remember, and deal with the fact that they chose the battle over him. For a while he might have even blamed them, or think they left him. It would be hard growing up without 'real' parents, and for a teenager that can make all the difference (and those ideas created in teenagery can sometimes stick). I just wanted to hug him a lot in this piece. Scratch that; I wanted Lily to. ;)
I know that it was a bit confusing, and it's something I'm going to work on when I have the chance. It's nowhere near perfect, and I hope that I can fix at least some of the problems. Thank you so much for the amazing review, Gina! It made my day. <3