Reviewer: HGHR_fan
Date: 04/19/14 10:22
Chapter: How I Met Your Mother

This is absolutely perfect. The way you describe Lily and James seems to fit with how the Queen herself described them. The humor of James makes this seem like any average day with the Potters.
The timeline is believable and the little snippets of James and Lily's relationship seem like they could have happened.
I did feel sad because I wish it could have happened in real life and that Harry would have grown up in a happy household.
Great storyline, happy characters and it left me wanting more. Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! So glad you liked the story. It's a bit more fluff than I usually write, but still bittersweet given that we all know how James and Lily's story ends...

Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 01/18/14 1:12
Chapter: How I Met Your Mother

Hi, Dawn. This is Vicki from Slytherin House, commenting on your story. It’s probably a sign of a good story if many different people can get many different messages from it.

What struck me immediately about your story was Lily’s initial behavior because it seemed to be a different characterization than the way she is often portrayed. She is full of accusatory statements: “Do I look like a damsel in distress?’ and “So you felt it was necessary to lie to our son,” and “Do you really find me that boring?” And this wasn’t all a teasing joke on her part; she really was angry, and she chose to interpret everything about James’s “innocent story” in the most negative way possible.

You show her attitude clearly with words and phrases like “wasn’t happy,” “disapproval,” “sharply”, “eyes narrowing,” “sarcastically”, and “the irritation.” And the clincher is “Lily had long mastered the ability to put reproach into any statement.” I tell myself that she is only twenty years old at this time and doesn’t realize how hurtful words can erode a relationship like slowly dripping acid, until the day finally comes when James decides it all just isn’t worth it any more. I want to reach into the story and shake her by the shoulders, saying “Don’t you see what you are doing?” We know that Lily and James were both dead a year after this story takes place, but I wonder, had they survived, whether their marriage would have survived. In the end, there can be wounds that kisses don’t cure.

I was more attracted by the second half of your story, where Lily stops being snarky and the two of them reminisce about their checkered dating history. You have a lively list of amusing dating disasters; I imagine you had fun thinking them up. And the end of the story has a clever twist, where you have Lily conceding that Harry’s made-up story is not more outlandish than what really happened.

Your sentences are fluid, with good word choices and variations in sentence structure to provide variety. There is not a lot of description, but not much is needed; the story all takes place in a baby’s nursery and consists chiefly of conversation, with a modicum of action (baby grabbing someone’s hair) and a little bit of internal reflection. Internal reflection can be overdone, so it is nice to see a story that relies on what the outside observer can observe: words and actions. From these we are to deduce the nature of the events.

You say in your bio that you don’t write fluff; maybe this story is about as fluffy as you get, but with hints of a darker undercurrent. That’s why I say that different people can get different messages from it. Nice job.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I always love getting feedback. I wasn't intentionally writing Lily to be quite as acidic as you are interpreting (she is supposed to be teasing in a couple of those places, though not all of them), though I did try to get some "darkness" into the story. For some reason I always assumed that Lily had a harshness to her that occasionally flared up when she was stressed or upset, and since they were in the middle of a war, I figured she would be upset a lot and it would occasionally slip out in her interactions with James and her friends. And I think she also kind of knew how she was acting, and would try to stop it, which is why her temper ebbs throughout the story. And yes, this is my version of fluff.

Reviewer: Ruchira_M
Date: 02/11/13 9:23
Chapter: How I Met Your Mother

This was funny and sweet and adorable and sad at the same time. The last sentence totally killed me ( I picked the DH2 hint).

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you liked it.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
CATEGORIES