I think this is a really unique take on Percy and how the war affected him. The thought that he would have nightmares after all he saw, that he would feel guilty, that he would bury himself in works just seems so right. And the idea of someone being there to help him is lovely. Making the connection between Susan Bones and the Ministry was a good one. I liked her backbone. I only wonder about her being 'Miss Bones' as it seemed to have a rather distant effect. But I'm guessing that was a distinct narrative choice and hoping that as Percy gets to know her, he'll think of her more as Susan and then it won't feel so distant. If that makes sense. :)
Nice start, good luck as you continue! ~Gina :)