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Reviews For One More Night

Name: cacata (Signed) · Date: 04/12/14 20:46 · For: Chapter 3
Aww, man. This story makes me cry. Poor Albus. Please let him have a happy ending one day/

Author's Response: Haha, I'm sorry I made you cry. (Not really, hehehehee.) Thank you for the review, and I hope Albus finds the right person for him one day too. :)

Name: Maple_and_PheonixFeather (Signed) · Date: 07/15/13 17:18 · For: Chapter 3
Hey Soraya!

This was a very exciting story that got me really involved in the characters and relationships and thrust me into Rose's head in such a way that everything was painted with her perceptions.

One of the things that I liked most about this story was the fact that you made me ship Scorpius and Rose, even though I hate that pairing normally. The chemistry you managed to convey was extraordinary, and I was just so convinced from the Potions lesson that they were bound to be together - even though I knew that this was an AlRose romance. The banter between the two of them was perfect and felt so real. What I also really enjoyed was that they grew to end up together in the second chapter. It wasn't a quick thing - they developed a sort of weird friendship first. This really helped give them an emotional connection, rather than just a physical one.

I don't know whether you meant to do this or not, but throughout the story, I just didn't want Albus and Rose to get together. For me, I felt really attached to Rose, and it felt like she didn't want them to get together either. Throughout the story, there were subtle hints on how crushed Albus was and how much he loved Rose, but I just really didn't care about how he must have been feeling at that time. In the scene in the Three Broomsticks, where Rose is upset and Albus is trying to keep himself together and support her, I felt bad for Rose. I liked Albus for being there to listen, but I really didn't care that he is trying very hard not to seem upset. I think this is because you really managed to paint the world through Rose's perceptions, making it so I only saw things the way she saw them.

What was striking about this story is how very one-sided Albus and Rose's relationship seems to be. It's clear that Albus does really love Rose, but Rose is really just using him to get over Scorpius. In the end, it feels like their relationship is just bound for failure (which, if I'm thinking of the right story, it will fail). Even though this is an Albus/Rose romance, it's almost like the antiromance, as there is really no hope that I can see for the couple. I think that you really show this in the way that Rose is constantly comparing Albus to Scorpius, and whenever she does, Scorpius' way is always better.

What I loved about this story was how well rounded all of the characters are. Rose has her bad habits, Scorpius has his quirks, and Albus just sits there and listens. It's interesting to see how Scorpius and Albus react to Rose's personality traits. For Scorpius, he almost controls them, like not allowing them to be late or not letting her smoke on the bed. With Albus, he bends to her habits and is almost afraid to contradict her or offend her. With him, it's like she can do no wrong.

It's not only the main characters that you make so realistic, but also the minor ones. Lily's character is so well solidified as being forceful and being the one to diffuse situations, as we see with both Albus' and Rose's fight and the awkward dinner at Nana Weasley's. I also liked your subtle hint at a Louis/Lily romance. For someone who has read enough of your writing, it gives a slight moment of relief. I definitely smirked when I read that. I also thought that you really managed keep Ron's and Hermione's characters in line with their characters in the book. I especially found this effective in Hermione, as he speech patterns very clearly echoed the way she speaks in the books.

This was a lovely read, Soraya. You really managed to get me involved in Rose's emotions, which is what writing is all about.


Name: Ginny Weasley Potter (Signed) · Date: 03/02/13 9:32 · For: Chapter 3
Hello again, Soraya!

I shall try to leave a better review this time; something that sums up your entire story. However, the way this fic has ended has removed any hint of coherence from me and I’m as lost for words as ever.

I thought this fic was a character study of Rose more than anything else, which spoke of a few snippets from Rose’s life. The focus was on Rose’s vacillating emotions, and her romantic dilemmas; plus her relationship with her family -- her father and Albus, more than anyone else. I was glad to plunge into the depths of this study and discover more about this canon character, who has actually got a very minor role in the books, but is still very important in the Potter fandom.

I liked the detached style in which the prose was written. It didn’t move as a continuous story, but you picked up important points of the plot and expanded upon them. This way, the story moved fast, and I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything either. Style-wise, this was more-or-less similar to your other fic, ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’. It had the quiet subtlety about it. And it is amazing that you’ve maintained the style from your last fic, because I’ve read your other fics too, and you seem pretty versatile as an author. There wasn’t much dramatization of anything, and yet, there was enough drama in the fic itself. The parts with the smut were sexy, and very sensitively handled. The emotions during all those points were accurately written, and were very convincing.

The story itself is so sad. Poor Albus. I knew this would happen, to him, of course. I was aware that Rose would end up using Albus, but I still wasn’t prepared for it as it came. The emotions are expressed so sharply and beautifully, and I can relate to what Albus is feeling at the moment. In the same way, it’s easy to relate to Rose. Since the story is from her point of view, I love how her thoughts are so well expressed in narrative. An example of this is this particular line: Rose hated it, and in a way, she wished she allowed for Scorpius to transfer rather than both of them acting so miserable around each other. Not for the first time, she wished she hadn’t thrown herself into such a relationship in the first place. This points out to Rose’s state of mind very well. I can feel her dilemma, and the sadness, and Rose’s own misery over the break up is palpable.

The reason for Rose and Scorpius’s break-up was sad too. Now I’m half-wishing they’d continued, because they seemed so great together. I especially loved Scorpius. He sounds like such a good person “ such a sweetheart, if I may. I can certainly imagine him as a great father. And I loved how you gave him those tiny quirks, like, he’s obviously a cleanliness freak, and is very punctual, judging by how he folded Rose’s clothes on the morning after, and later resisted her so they could get to work on time. It’s very evidence as to how particular he is about everything. And his grief over Ophelie is well portrayed. It’s subtle, but it’s there, and I could see that he was trying so hard to master his emotions there. It’s not fair that later on, he had to lose Rose too.

Rose, was being selfish in parts, but is basically a very good person. I loved that she wasn’t always at the top of her class, and that Scorpius crossed her sometimes. I also love her annoyance at this fact. It reflects a part of Hermione in her. But she’s an independent person, both as a teenager and as a grown woman, and I liked her for this. I also liked her bluntness at some points. She had a different voice from Albus and Scorpius, and it felt good to read her. I do wish she’d not decided to use Albus in the end, though. Yes, she is sad, but that doesn’t mean she can hurt the only person who is so understanding when it comes to her.

Albus, on the other hand, has a small role, which is actually a very big role. He’s such a nice character. He’s really mellow and loving and caring, and that’s why I feel bad for him. He is, of course, very recognisable from the epilogue. And I hope that he finds someone in the future. Someone who isn’t Rose, because in my opinion, she doesn’t deserve Albus.

Plot-wise, the events leading to Rose and Scorpius getting together, and then Rose and Albus having their own union, were very convincing. I enjoyed the scene at Fortesque’s, and the fact that Scorpius had been trying to impress Rose made me grin. After that, everything that led to the particular night that followed -- Scorpius getting upset and leaving, Rose accidentally Apparating with him, and then the talk about Scorpius’s grief, etc, were good building blocks to the smut. The tension just seemed to gather, and the sex had to happen; and once again, this was all palpable.

As for Rose and Albus, I could understand the sadness that Rose was going through, and I also happen to know what Albus was feeling at this point, from your other story, but I felt the progression was very natural. This doesn’t seem like a good step to take for either of them, though, and I know that at some point, it’s probably going to come back to bite them both; maybe just after this.

The Burrow scene was fantastic. I liked the subtle hint of LouLily there; but the best of all was the part with Ron in it. I somehow always imagine that Rose was closer to Ron when she grew up. However, I think while Rose and Hugo were kids, Hugo must have been closer to his father. I can certainly imagine Hermione expressing herself in ‘fifty words instead of five’, and Ron being the opposite. And I loved how Rose was able to communicate with her father, though, and it was so like Ron to ask Scorpius to get out like that! Good characterisation there.

You also put a lot of effort into the details. Each location and setting is carefully written. It’s not something a reader usually pays attention too, but it was easier for me to picture the series of events from here because of all the intricate detailing. It was a fantastic feast to my mind. There was also a particular line towards the end, relating to Albus’s eyes, which was very well written : At that moment, he opened his eyes, green bleeding into brown,. I liked this line because of the imagery it provided, and as I’ve mentioned, the intricate details.

Now I’m hoping you’ll follow this up with a sequel. I really want to know what happens to Albus and Rose, and whether Rose and Scorpius do ever patch-up. They were so great together.And poor Albus; I do hope Rose falls for him, and if not that, I hope he gets someone else. Oh, I really want to know what happens next. :)

Thank you for this wonderful story, and all the best for the cotillion!

Author's Response: Pooooooojaaaaaaaa :D I am so sorry for the delay in replying. The truth is, your review was so fabulous that I couldn’t even think of an adequate response, tbqh. Thank youuuuu so much :)

It means so much to me that you think the ending of this was that good. I think the ending needed work and I will probably go back to it and edit later, but thank you so much. *heart* The story was definitely meant to be a character study of Rose. In I Will Lay Down My Heart, I think I needed to explain a lot of Rose’s character, so yeah, I’m glad you liked that :) Certainly Rose is a very minor character in the books, and maybe it’s not the best storyline for her, ha. (I mean, I made her a bit of a byotch, lol.)

Re the style, I really had no idea how I wanted to write this. The thing is, the first part of this was written ages ago, and the rest was written pretty sporadically — like I had a whole section written from about a year ago, ha, so I was rather worried it wasn’t consistent. I’m glad you liked the style, then, and wow, I’m really glad you thought I could maintain the style. And YAYYY, I'm glad you liked my smut :D I actually have no idea about the emotions, lol, as all of it was written not from experience :P

The reason for Rose and Scorpius’s breakup is, I admit, kind of stolen/inspired by The Mentalist. Basically, two people in The Mentalist had a relationship even though having inter-office romance was strictly against the rules, and when they were found out, they were given an ultimatum: for one of them to transfer, or for them to break up. I did love Scorpius in this :) I wrote him a bit in Blood and Roses, and I did enjoy it, so it was nice writing him again. Also, yussssss, I have a thing for cleanliness freaks. Don’t ask, lol.

I’m glad you liked Rose and Albus’s characterisations, too. Rose was a byotch on the surface, but yeah, she is essentially a good person. Albus is a better person, I guess, and he totally deserves a good person. :(

And again I'm so glad you liked the smut, lolol. I wrote that bit during a cancelled Maths lesson, but it was so much fun, haha. And I tried to keep Loulily to a minimum, ha, because too many cousin pairings = a broken brain.

Also, yes, I always imagined Ron would react badly to Scorpius and Rose being together. Possibly the reason Rose was closer to Ron than Hermione was because Rose was so similar to Hermione, so she was closer to the person most different from her?

I'm really glad you liked all the details and that you liked the whole story! I have more plans for these three, but I'm just not sure when to write it, tbh. I will one day, though, because it’s not the end, definitely not.

Anyway, thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu so much for the fabulous review, Pooja. My response is totally inadequate and incoherent but I heart you so much, my lovely. ♥

Soraya xxx

Name: Ginny Weasley Potter (Signed) · Date: 03/01/13 18:21 · For: Chapter 2
Woot! ScoRose smut! I love these two so much! Our headcanon for Scorpius IS too similar, though, as in my story too, Scorpius and Rose got together after she helped him grieve his daughter.

Anyway, the tension between Albus and Rose is inevitable in this chapter, and I'm wondering what will happen now, after this time-leap, when Al finds out that Rose loves Scorpius.

Scorpius is a particularly endearing character here. I love how you've portrayed him. And the poor fellow, with all that grief over his daughter! I’m not sure I like Rose very much, though. She’s probably about to hurt both Albus and Scorpius, and I’m dreading it right now! But there’s a chapter left… hmm… wonder what will happen?

The Apparating scene made me giggle. The awkwardness of it all was funny. :D The smut was great too. Very well written, I must say. Like I said, I enjoyed it a lot.

Soraya dear, I’d go over to the next chapter right now if I didn’t have college in like four hours, but I must leave. I’ll read the final chapter in class tomorrow and review after that, okay? I’m totally loving this story! Keep it up, and good luck with the cotillion!

And sorry about the weird, review with all the flailing. I can barely form coherent thoughts at this point of the night, and you included ScoRose smut over all of that. (Your fault, hmm). But thank you for such a great story! I will be back in a few hours!

Author's Response: Yayayyy, you liked the smuuuuut! :D I also love these two, but I love AlRose equally (unrequited, that is). That is so weird, though, about your head canon and mine. O.o We must be synched or something, Pooja, hehe, because I've had this head canon for Scorpius for like more than a year now. But I guess it's different because Scorpius and Rose work in law enforcement rather than as Healers... plus, I'm not sure if Scorpius's daughter was murdered in your head canon, because that's how she dies here.

And yeah, there is definitely tension between Albus and Rose here. You'll see how that unfolds in the last chapter :D Scorpius is a lovely guy, yeah. I think, with unrequited love stories, I find that the person stuck in the middle, like Scorpius is here, is generally described as the "bad" person, which I find wholly unfair. Especially because Scorpius is such a sweetie. I also forgot to mention that their backstory is more fully explored in another story of mine -- The Highway of Regret. That has Loulily in it, too :)

And hehe, I always have to have some kind of awkwardness in my smut :3 This was, um, the thing I wrote during a cancelled maths lesson, lol, and I meant to poke Jamie or Carole or Jess about certain aspects of it *coughRoseontopcough* but I kind of forgot... and then this scene happened and I just posted before my next lesson, lolol. I then asked Jess and she gave me a few pointers, lol, and while I'm sure it's totally inaccurate, it was funnnnn.

Thank YOU so much for the reviews, my dear Pooja. It means so much, and you flailing makes me flail. ♥

Soraya xxx

Name: Ginny Weasley Potter (Signed) · Date: 03/01/13 17:21 · For: Chapter 1
Ah, a sequel to that other wonderful AlRose of yours! I am very eager to continue, and have fully enjoyed the first chapter.

I already feel sorry for Albus (possibly because I know the outcome of this). I wonder how the story will unwind though.

I love the description of Albus's eye colour from Rose's point of view. The 'loss' of colour, and then the colour filling back is such a beautiful thing to include. I can almost see Albus's happiness when he realises that he and Rose can be friends again.

Also, he's already in love with Rose. Oh no. :(

Rose doesn't look like she's going to fall for Albus at all. Somewhere, I’m hoping I’m wrong, of course, as there are two chapters to go, and something is bound to happen now, isn’t it?

As for your characterisation, I can certainly recognise these two from I Will Lay Down My Heart. The consistency is good. Rose seems like a bold person, but we know that already. :) I also love how Lily is so concerned for Albus. Will she ever know what happened between there? Hmm, I doubt it, but I feel it’s a possibility. Well, I’ll just have to read further! Well done so far, and see you in chapter 2!

Author's Response: Yayayyayayyay you're heeeere! :D I am so glad you decided to read this, Pooja, even though I think this and my Marlene story both kind of fell down towards the end because I couldn't take my time with either. And I rather liked this chapter -- it's just the rest of the story I'm not so fond of, lol (though I know you seemed to have liked it, so thank youuuu).

This was intended to be a companion piece to I Will Lay Down My Heart, but I'm *hoping* it stands alone okay. The thing is, this has a lot more Scorose in it, as you can see, so it's very much a different story and shows mostly Rose's point of view with things. It's interesting you mention his eye colour -- that comes up, kind of, later :) I think at this point, Albus, like Rose, is very confused. Only later does he actually realise he is in love with her -- Rose, for all her flaws, is right about most people not really knowing what love is at just fifteen. Certainly, Albus lusted after her, and to some extent, Rose reciprocated (she had to have, since they had sex and all). But yeah, it is rather sad when I think about how quickly Albus agrees to be friends with Rose again because he really does love her. Poor boy. :(

I'm really glad you liked things so far! Hmm, I doubt Lily notices anything with Albus. I try not to think of Loulily and AlRose simultaneously, lol (although there are hints of Loulily in this, but very subtle ones), and you'll have to see what happens later :)

Thank you for the lovely reviewwwww, Pooja! *heart*

Soraya xxx

Name: iLuna17 (Signed) · Date: 02/08/13 10:02 · For: Chapter 1
Hi, Soraya. :)

This was a lovely start. After reading ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’, I was very curious as to how Albus and Rose managed to patch up their relationship after the first time. I can’t wait to see where this story goes, because I’m curious to see how Rose and Albus develop their relationship again, and how they destroy it again.

One of my favorite parts of the piece, though, was Lily. I loved her ‘no-nonsense’ attitude, and how she was so worried about Albus. Rose needed someone to remind her that there was another person being hurt by what was going on, and that someone needed to fix it. It makes me wonder a lot about how bad Albus’s mindset really was/is, because Lily didn’t seem like the type to fight other people’s fights, and it really made me think that the situation was bad. Also, I’m wonder how much of a role she - and specifically she and Louis - will play as the story continues.

I also really want to see how Rose develops into the person seen in the first of your Alrose’s. It was an interesting choice for a point of view for this story, especially because of how she treats Albus in the first piece. I’m intrigued by her mindset and why she hurts Albus the way we know she will. She tends to paint the situation to be Albus’s fault, and it’s interesting to watch the reality checks she is given, and how the truth is slowly being revealed. I also love how at the mere mention of his name Rose tensed up. It’s clear that they are both hurting and confused, but I am really drawn in by the idea that the protagonist is, in fact, the villain. Or is she? One thing I might be careful of, though, would be that sometimes Roses switches between detached and missing Albus a little quickly. I know she’s having an internal struggle, but it seemed a little too quickly, especially in the paragraphs right before the first line break.

One of the only things I can say about Albus is that I want to give him a hug. There’s just so much that’s going on with him, and he’s finally reached the point where can’t take it anymore. I especially loved all of the mentions of his eyes, of how empty they were, and just having Rose back in his life brought some brightness back to them. Part of me wonders how long it will take for them to hurt each other all over again and part wonders why he forgave her so quickly, or his lack of anger.

Something that stuck out to me was the brief interaction between James and Albus. I was surprised that James was being that harsh, when he could obviously tell that there was something wrong with Albus. It added to the image of Albus really just having it horribly rough, and I think it gave Rose the final push to talk to him. The encounter did make me wonder about James and Albus’s relationship, though. Part of me wants to believe that James is just really focused on Quidditch, and Albus was playing horribly, but part of me isn’t so sure. Albus didn’t need James beating on him, too, and it was clear James knew that. I found it shocking, and it felt like maybe their relationship isn’t great. I really hope to see it develop in later chapters, and for it to be explored more.

While I love how complex all of the characters and their relations are, I might watch how many you include in the story. The basic core is Albus and Rose, and sometimes involving too many characters can become a handful to manage and can detract from the core. That’s honestly one of the trickiest things of cousin pairings, at least for me- dealing with everyone else in the family. I’m really curious to see what will happen, and if Lily and James will ever truly find out what’s going on between Albus and Rose.

I can’t wait for the next chapter, but part of me doesn’t want to see it. It’s like Oedipus Rex; we all know what will eventually happen, but it doesn’t mean we don’t want to stop it from happening. The title particularly scares me in that aspect, because if the song echoes the theme of the story… I just want Albus and Rose to be together. I know Scorpius will come into the picture, but I honestly don’t know if Albus can handle being hurt again. Overall, this was a lovely start, and I really can’t wait to see what happens next. ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’ is one of my favorite fics on the site, and it is what made me consider Albus/Rose, so I am anxiously awaiting the next part of this. Best of luck in the Cotillion!


Author's Response: Ellieeeeeee! I am so sorry for taking so long to respond D: Your review is far too fabulous and left me gobsmacked, really, hence why the late reply.

Honestly? When I first wrote I Will Lay Down My Heart, I didn't know exactly how it would be possible for them to patch up their relationship after the first time, so it was interesting writing about it. It was also nice writing more about Scorpius, though, because I think this is far more an angsty love triangle than in I Will Lay Down My Heart... and you know how much I love mah love triangles :3

Yaaaaay, you liked Lily! :D Mm, she isn't in this much. I think I just needed someone to get them to be friends again, and James was unlikely to after giving Albus such a hard time on the pitch. So Lily it was ;) But her role in this story is pretty minor, really.

I think I needed to have Rose's POV in this story. She was a right byotch in Blood and Roses, and she wasn't exactly sympathetic in I Will Lay Down My Heart, so I totally get why you felt you needed to see her mindset, and I hope I succeeded in conveying that mindset later on. One thing's for sure, though -- Rose isn't the villain :) There really isn't a villain in this at all, because all three parties have their flaws and awkward moments. In the case of Rose, yeah, she goes through being detached and missing Albus quickly, but this is, as you said, because of the whole internal struggle thing. I deliberately played around with her mindset there regarding Albus.

Aww, I'm glad my Albus is huggable! I love him too, and I felt so wibbly for hiim in a couple of scenes later on (which you'll see if/when you review the other chapters) that this one is nothing, hehe. Oh, and I know, ha, that I mention Albus's eyes a lot, but I am really glad you liked all the references. As for why Albus forgave her so quickly and his complete lack of anger as far as Scorpius is concerned, this is far more because he, at this point, lusts after her and wants above all to please her. Later, when he realises he is genuinely in love with her, that continues.

Ooh, it's interesting you picked up on the James and Albus scene. I know, James is rather harsh here, but he has his reasons. My reason, anyway, is that James is generally a lighthearted person, only ever becoming serious when it came to Quidditch -- hence why he gave Albus a hard time but then jokes with Rose in the next chapter.

Haha, I generally don't think of my Loulily canon in comparison to my canon for AlRose. Either way, I think this could only truly be an issue if there was headhopping taking place -- that is, the constant changes of POV, especially in respect to, say, Loulily happening in one room of the Burrow and AlRose happening in another. Nah, I think I'd prefer to just -- not ignore Loulily, but just to keep it out of the equations, if that makes sense?

I don't know much about Oedipus Rex, but I do know it's a tragedy. I guess this is too, haha, although to a lesser extent, I guess, plus you've actually read I Will Lay Down My Heart.

Thank youuuu for the fabulous review, and apologies again for responding so late :/

Soraya xxx

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 01/28/13 14:34 · For: Chapter 1
Good start - I really thought it was finished there so I wonder what will come next? Hopefully not more heartbreak, as they seem to have gone through the ringer. You write them well, yet what really jumped out at me was the brief exchanged between James and Albus. So strange to think of James coming down so hard on his brother, and yet it was good and made me feel even worse for Al. Good luck as you continue! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Yayayay, Gina, thank youuuuuu! :D The thing was, I have this whole load of smut coming up which is essentially the events of I Will Lay Down My Heart, just from Rose's POV, as well as what happens, er, afterwards. *coughfunactionintheshowercough* Sooo this was kind of like a prelude/background info on what will happen in the next chapter/chapters (I still don't know if I want to split this up or not) -- as in, when they sleep together once they're in their twenties. But also, I'm going to cover a lot more of the backstory with Scorpius, which I think is also important given their breakup and all that.

Hehe, I have a habit of making NG kids seem mean, lol. It wasn't because James is mean, as such, just that he really is a Quidditch maniac and therefore wants Albus to do his best, and given Albus is in a real funk following what happened with Rose, that's kind of inevitable.

I do seem to beat up Albus a lot, don't I? :P I do love him, though, and writing him later on has been fun, too. Thank you lots and lots for the lovely review! :D I am really glad you enjoyed this so far :)

Soraya xxx

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