Reviewer: TeamCedric
Date: 03/03/13 22:08
Chapter: the turning point

Ok stop it now; channelling Shakespeare through JKR? You're spooky good. I especially like "Thy icy voice betrayeth not a whit/Of warmth or care; it hath a callous tone." I like your comments too, that Lily gets to live in warmth but Snape must live in the cold.

Author's Response: Thanks! The summary took about as long to draft as the poem took to write (though not edit), actually--although that was because I originally wrote the poem as non-FF in like 15 minutes, lol.

Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 02/03/13 12:31
Chapter: the turning point

A wonderful idea, and well done. One suggestion: in line 4, you want to say "tarriest", not "tarrieth", because the verb ending for the second person singular is -est. The ending -eth is for the third person singular. You have it correctly further on in that line, where you say "thou dost" (instead of "thou doth" which would be a mistake), and in the second line where you say "thou hast" (rather than "thou hath", which would be a mistake).

Author's Response: Thanks for catching that! I don't actually know how to write medieval English; I just winged it, lol. I'm glad you liked the poem!

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 01/27/13 17:54
Chapter: the turning point

You llama, you! :) What a fun way to use Shakespeare! Teehee! I really enjoyed it!

I wonder what you think of my own depressing fanfiction poetry.....

To quote my favorite movie: "Yay! I'm a llama again!" (The Emperor's New Groove)

Author's Response: Oh, I only know about llamas from the llama song. (Don't look it up. You'll hate me forever.) My third cousins twice removed (or something) own an alpaca farm, though. Your poetry is nice. I mean, yeah, I'm not always partial to depressing stuff, but I just like how they're written--you use vivid language. I remember one of yours that I really liked, about a person in a portrait... I think I do too much poetry that is very candid/write-like-you-talk, which is why I'm trying to branch out.

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 01/27/13 9:53
Chapter: the turning point

Are you William Shakespeare, though?

Well done. I really like this. You've nailed the tone of Lily and the language of the original poem. What I think is clever is that the meaning here is so very different from the original, which is a love poem, essentially, whereas this is a hate poem. (Hmm, maybe not hate, as not sure Lily hated him, but she hated what he'd become)

Great job. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Oh, yeah, I'm Shakespeare, too. ('Cuz he totally writes Harry Potter fanfiction.)

You noted that the meaning of the poem is really different from the original. In fact, my inspiration for this poem was exactly that: "What if I rewrote this famous love poem as a hate poem?" It was only later that Lily and Severus came to mind, and when they did, I had to change a few things in the poem so that it would reflect more complicated feelings of anger, pain, and betrayal, instead of just outright loathing...Oh, yes, and writing the language was a lot of fun. Glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
CATEGORIES