Hi, Elle. This is Vicki, of your own House, here to give you a hearty pat on the back for this very nice story. If you have read my recent poem Narcissa In The Forest you already know that I too have a positive opinion of Narcissa.
Although Narcissa is sometimes dismissed as a weak character, mainly because she doesn’t go to outrageous extremes like Bellatrix or defy her family’s values like Andromeda, Narcissa doesn’t deserve such a tepid assessment. In canon she exhibits strength, initiative, and great love for her son. It is reasonable that she exhibits great love for her husband also.
The family’s strong sense of elitism and class prejudice is, alas, reflected widely in the real world, and it shows itself in a dismissive, uncaring attitude toward people (or beings like house-elves) who are supposedly inferior to themselves, but within their own class, these elitists can be very loving.
By beginning the story with some paragraphs about Narcissa’s concern for Draco, you establish her loving nature, and it is significant that her rage toward Voldemort is triggered not by what he is doing to the lower classes, but by what he is doing to Narcissa’s own family. For her it is all intensely personal. And although she is capable of strong emotion, such as love and rage, you show her ingrained habit of self-control in the lines ”…she realized her emotions were swirling out of control. Taking a deep breath she attempted to calm herself.” This tight self-control is what later allows her to deceive Lord Voldemort in the forest and save, not only her family, but the wizarding world. For this reason, I think your line ”She fled towards the sound in full panic,” might be a little overstated; she probably acted less panicky than someone else might have done, given the same amount of fear.
You have shown her tender side very realistically in the scene where she finds her husband lying on the floor, but also her tough side, in the lines “She needed to see his wounds…” and “…she knew she couldn’t give in to her urges…; she needed to heal him.” When she describes his physical state as “Nothing we can’t fix,” it is really “Nothing Narcissa can’t fix.”
Given the seriousness of the situation and the wretched physical state of her newly-escaped husband, I didn’t think that there would be giggling, a mischievous grin, or a shower a deux. Those don’t seem to be Narcissa’s style; they sound more like things that Ginny would do.
I was struck by the lines of conversation where Lucius said, “This is all my fault. I failed, and you and Draco paid the price,” and Narcissa answered, “None of this was your fault.” I re-read the pertinent chapters of Order of the Phoenix to see how much at fault he was, and he certainly did seem guilty, so Narcissa’s words suggest either that she didn’t know the details of his behavior, or that love is blind.
This story is smoothly written, with a good balance between introspection, description, dialogue, and action. The details give a vivid image of the events of the story, and the introspection does not go needlessly into topics not closely related to the plot. All the elements of this story serve to further the plot, and that is good.
I enjoy reading well-written Missing Moments. The seven books are necessarily all written from Harry’s point of view; nothing is presented that Harry does not witness, but the Missing Moments enrich the whole saga immensely. All the characters are valuable, and all their stories deserve to be told. Thank you for a good job.
I am not sure if being such a loving couple rings true to the Malfoy we know and dislike so much.
Author's Response: Seriously, who dislikes the Malfoys? *hugs Malfoys* And although they are perfectly capable of being cruel to other people, I don't think the same is true within their family. I don't doubt that they loved each other. They've always defended each other, even though there were few opportunities for this in canon. From what we see in canon, I can't figure out how people can portray them as evil and heartless. I really can't. At any rate, that's my take on them. Thanks for reviewing.