MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
02/15/13 20:47 · For:
I love this! :D It takes a HELL of a lot to be able to convince a reader of a pairing when you show one half of hte pairing being so much older while teh other half is still a baby (not sure if that makes sens,e lol), and in second person, no less!
My favourite line is "So? She's hot". I'm not sure why -- I love how colloquial it sounds but at the same time shows the height of Teddy'sn attraction to Lily. I think the slow progression of this attraction was done so well by dividing the story into sections the way you did, and I liked the end result (well, of course I would, hehe). I would love to read a companion piece to this, though, bcause I want to see the rest of the family's reactions! Fab fic, Maple. :D
Author's Response: Heehee, thanks for the review, Soraya, it totally made me giggle! I am so glad that second person worked - it's such a scare to try and use it lol. Family reactions, huh? That would make a fab fic!
(Signed) · Date:
01/21/13 10:51 · For:
I really, really enjoyed this. I'm not sure how to convey my emotion without sounding like a slightly hyper two year old, so I'll settle for AMAZING.
The characterisation and development you managed in this was astounding. Considering it's a one shot, I feel like I know both Teddy and Lily perfectly. Nothing Teddy did surprised me, because you developed him so well from the cautious ten year old boy to the thirty two year old man.
Lily... perfect. Exactly how I imagine her to be, chatty and confident on the surface but more complex underneath. The snapshots were of perfect length, enough to deeply explore the different stages of their relationship, but not so long that it felt laboured. The second person narrative was interesting too, as it allowed you to explore Teddy's character more deeply without getting bogged down in his noble/self-sacrificing nature.
Oh and the fact you had Harry be the one to tell Lily to 'be proactive' was amazing, as it totally fits with his character and how supportive he was of Remus and Tonks, and of how many relationships (including his own) suffered because of people's inability to be proactive and act on their feelings.
The comparisons you drew between Teddy/Lily and Remus/Tonks were amazing, and I may actually have to start shipping Teddy/Lily after reading this. In case you hadn't gathered by now, I love it. I think some stories change how you look at certain characters and this is definitely one of them, as I've previously been a firm advocate of Teddy/Victoire.
On that note, I like how you didn't brush over the Teddy/Victoire relationship, and simply had it as a stage Teddy had to go through to develop and learn, much like Ron with Lavender.
I think I may have to add this to my favourites...
Author's Response: Hey Fenella! Your review has left me with many warm tinglies! Eep, I am so excited when I am able to convince people of a pairing they wouldn't ordinarily ship, so I'm glad it worked :) Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, they really made me happy :)
(Signed) · Date:
01/21/13 8:20 · For:
I. loved. it. You have totally converted me to a diehard Teddy/Lily shipper. Excepting when I'm reading Carole's story and I ship Scorpius/Lily, lol. Only now I'm so conflicted! Ah! ;)
Seriously - this was LOVELY. The slow build-up from Lily's birth to the end was amazing. It could have been creepy but never once did it feel that way. You chose great scenes for each section: seeing a young Teddy enamoured with baby and toddler Lily was adorable. Watching his relationship grow with her was precious. Seeing their closeness even as she grew up was wonderful. I loved his honor in the pub, his determination to beat back the monster in his chest, his protectiveness over Sean.
The parallel at the end to Teddy's parents was fantastic. It makes total sense! To hear Teddy say those words "I'm too old for you" was almost heartbreaking after hearing them from Remus. So glad he gave in and kissed her back. Last line was perfect. :)
I think part of it being so effective for me was the second person POV, which I really loved here. Good job on that.
I did notice quite a few typos, and a place or too where maybe the tense in the POV seemed off. I'd be happy to help with that because I liked this so much and would hate for little typos to hold it back.
I'm still grinning. Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Eep, Gina, I am grinning ear to ear! I am glad I have pseudo converted you to the ship, ahaha :) I'm really happy that you liked the second person here. I really felt like I was taking a risk with that, so I'm glad it worked.
I will definitely be poking you over the next few days about the typos and tense things - anything to make it better (and to improve my writing in general).
Thanks so much for the review!
(Signed) · Date:
01/21/13 6:42 · For:
That made me feel all warm and happy.
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad it did :)