MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Maple_and_PheonixFeather (Signed) · Date: 02/15/13 23:43 · For: Stars

I know I've told you this before, but I love this story. It is so unique from any Scorpius/Lily I've read, but it isn't inconceivable. I love how you used not just one of my pairing prompts (Scorpius/Lily), but two of them (cross-gen) while intertwining them into a seamless plot that just worked. This story also challenged my comfort zone a bit, but in a really good way, because the "heavier" subjects (drunkenness and sex) were not so pronounced that they made the whole story, rather they were there as something that naturally exists in the relationships and lives of youth in today's society.

Everything you write is so clear and beautifully painted. From the first paragraph, I could picture exactly what was happening and the exact location. You use just enough description for me to be able to make a mental image, but not so much that I found myself skimming through. I really enjoyed how you really didn't describe the characters in any physical way. Nowhere did I read "Lily's red hair" or "Scorpius' blue eyes". I think this actually made it easier for me to connect with the story, because I do not have to conform my images to ones you give me, instead, I can continue to see these characters how I want to see them. Yet, you still gave enough for me to picture them in your way, by briefly describing what they are wearing. It was enough to keep me in your world while keeping my own images in tact.

I thought that the whole structure of the piece was quite clever. It wasn't so not linear that it was hard to follow, but the fact that it wasn't linear really added to the story. I don't think that the first scene would have had nearly as much impact if it had occurred after the Christmas scene. The first scene really helped drive forward what was happening in that scene. That being said, I liked how you ended the story with an ending that made perfect sense. It was happy, but not so much that it was like sticky sweet to the taste. Instead, it was realistic, which was quite refreshing to me as a reader.

Everything about your characters felt natural and believable. They really just felt like regular teenagers with regular teenager problems, just some exaggerated a bit. Because the characters felt so normal, it was easy to accept the someone extreme situations in which they found themselves in. The anger and resentment, for example, that Scorpius felt is something that could have been felt by anyone, and his reaction towards Eva was so real. Basically, every reaction and every feeling felt as such because they were feelings that I think that everyone can connect to, whether or not we've been in those situations. The feelings are universal and cross over to many different situations, so I felt I was able to connect with the characters in a very personal way.

I think that the character that really shines the most in this fic is Albus. He goes from the student that slept with his teacher to the snarky older brother in such a fun and creative way. I thought that you handled the student/teacher relationship well. It was there, but it wasn't to create extra drama and tension in the story, rather it felt like it was naturally part of this family's history. If I had one little nitpick about Albus, it would be that I really wanted to know who, exactly, Hannah is.

Lastly, I love that you included stars in the story. Stars are possibly one of my favourite things to gaze at and just be in touch with. I don't know if you knew of my connection with them, but I loved the touch. It just added a whole new depth to the story for me. The stars just made it so personal and beautiful, and I loved the reference to them.

Thanks again for this wonderful story, Ariana. It was definitely a great fit for what I was looking for, and the writing was absolutely lush and really captured me.


Author's Response: Maple, I am so incredibly happy you enjoyed this story! I was crossing my fingers I would get a chance to write for the swap, since that is one of the biggest things I miss about SPEW. Your prompts were fabulous and I had probably like a hundred different ideas floating around - I'm glad you liked the one I finally picked. Thank you so much for leaving such a wonderfully thought out review! I haven't been the most active person on this site for a while, and it was really such a fantastic surprise to receive this. xx Ariana

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 12/28/12 9:15 · For: Stars
Good writing but the relationships seemed a bit strange.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the writing. Perhaps I will write some less strange relationships in the futureā€¦but don't hold your breath :). xx Ariana

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 12/27/12 14:20 · For: Stars
She was a professor past her prime and Al made her feel young. I'm not past my prime!!!! but then I'm not after Albus - ha ha.

Confession: I wasn;t going to read this because I'm an odd person who can only read her own Scily in case I get ideas and realise I've nicked them from someone else - or get disappointed. However, this is my lovely Ariana and you can do no wrong :).

I loved the set up of this. Scorpius saying love didn;t exist (so bitter) but of course he desperately wanted it to work out. Albus getting caught up with a professor (eeek embarrassing), Lily wise and in the background yet so obviously half in love with Scorpius *sigh*.
,br> I was a bit confused with Albus. Did he marry the professor? (forgive me if it's obvious I have had wine - ooops) I'm thinking he did because it seemed such a quiet wedding. This interests me (and not just because I'm past my prime - hahahahhahaha -)

Sorry, proper proper review. I like this, Ariana, and think you've done a brilliant job with the prompt and the pairing. I loved the little details you added, like the discomfort she felt with the dress and the earrings slightly too large. It's the sort of detail that makes me thing 'Damn, why didn't I write that?' - because they add just the right amount of character detail and background.

Well done ~Carole~

Author's Response: Ha ha ha, I"m so glad you enjoyed this! An approval from the Scily Queen is in itself the best review ever :). Sorry about the confusion with Albus, I didn't have him marrying the professor at the end (and I'm sure you are much younger than that prof anyway ;) ). I'll try to clear that part up a bit. Thank you, so so much! xx Ariana

Author's Response: Ha ha ha, I"m so glad you enjoyed this! An approval from the Scily Queen is in itself the best review ever :). Sorry about the confusion with Albus, I didn't have him marrying the professor at the end (and I'm sure you are much younger than that prof anyway ;) ). I'll try to clear that part up a bit. Thank you, so so much! xx Ariana

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