A bit too emotionally deep for me.
Author's Response: I'm not trying to write to cater to your personal tastes. I intentionally wrote this story to be, as you say, emotionally deep-it's a style I quite like. I don't think the story would have worked otherwise. It's fine if this fic doesn't pertain to your particular tastes, but I don't intend to change the way the story is written :)
Thank you for the review! It's nice to see some people around reading every story :)
Hmm, interesting. I was going to avoid reading because my canon with Daphne is so confused (I pair her up all over the place) and I wasn't sure I needed something else to confuse me more. :D. But I'm glad I clicked. I think this is very well written, Lily. The first part immediately drew me in and so I had to read on. You wrote their 'togetherness' in such a tender way that it was hard to remember this was Pansy, at first. And the way their relationship progressed was very plausible. pansy thinking Daphne is her prize, and the harking back to the meaning of her name were very good echoes.
I didn't altogether get a sense of why Daphne needed Pansy so much though. Obviously Pansy was, underneath it all, very insecure and needed someone to worship her, but i wasn't sure why Daphne was so insecure ... perhaps you need another story.
There's a canon error. I hate to mention it but the Slytherins were only locked in the dungeons in the movie. In the book they were escorted away from Hogwarts through the room of requirement. They deliberately didn;t keep any Slytherins hostage, as it were, to Aberforth's disgust. I likes the difference between the two girls here and how one would fight and one would not, although it would have been nice to see Daphne's reasons for wanting to fight with Harry, and maybe show how contradictory this is because of her later feelings for Pansy. But, of course, that would need a much longer story :).
Lily, I hope this hasn;t come across as negative and overly critical because I really did enjoy it (I don;t review stories I don;t like) Well done on handling first person, as well. I always find it so blooming hard!
Carole (excuse typos, I'm lying in bed in a very uncomfortable position)
Of course pointing out my errors isn't coming across as negative. You liked the story, which is the important thing!
I am horrible and need to reread DH, apparently, because now I remember that scene perfectly and am kicking myself for not remembering it. I think I just remembered McGonagall's line and went from there, so thank you for the error. I'll do my best to fix it, although that might not be for quite a while ;)
I'm getting the sense that you want a sequel, lol. I agree that I could have expanded on Daphne slightly more but she's always been very insecure in my canon, really. I think I was tired when writing this because I'm mostly just giving reasons like 'I said it was so it is.'
I'm honestly thrilled that you think it's well written--I still get happy when an amazing author such as you likes my fics :) The meaning of Daphne's name is what led me to write this fic, really, and Pansy was the first person that struck me to pair her with. And I never pictured this in anything other than first person--I actually don't find it that difficult, but I shy away from writing third person fics.
Thank youuuu for the review! And never think you come over as critical when you're only pointing out a canon error and one thing to be improved on, hehe.