This is very intense, Kaylee. You've really caught the atmosphere of that fateful night as you pile on the images of horror and darkness.
I was very impressed with your use of language here, like the word 'Zathura' which I'd never heard of before. So, being me, I had to google it. Thing is, I'm not sure it is a real word - at least I couldn't find it in any online dictionary, but it is the title of a book and a film about Space - Zathura being the final space in Space that two children need to get to (It sounds very similar to Jumanji, actually.) I don;t want to labour the point, but because the word is unusual, it stuck out for me and on realising that it has other connotations, I don't think it fits with the poem. I'd suggest 'abyss' but that's a word that can be overused.
I really like the sixth stanza and the clever way you've employed personification when referencing the wand and its act of death.
Something else I enjoyed about the poem was the way you ended every verse in a similar manner, a kind of summary for the previous lines. It gave the poem more punch and emphasis.
Well done. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you, Carole. :) As mentioned in my end notes, Zathura is a black hole; in the story, two kids are playing a space game that ends only when they reach Zathura, and when they do reach it, they discover that Zathura is a black hole that sucks everything up- including them. I did think about using "abyss," but it is a word I use a lot in poetry, and I thought it might be nice to make an allusion, although I can see that it might not work for those people who have never read or seen Zathura. :) But that is a risk always run when using allusions. And if I used the words "black hole," it could probably still work, but it just didn't have the same feel to me... Thanks again for reviewing!!!!! :) I always appreciate to hear your views! ~Nagini
I really liked the fourth line of each stanza. It gave the poem a strong sense of structure and continuity and even drama. One thing that jumped out at me, though, was that the last four stanzas all started with 'The.' The first three started well, with variety, but the 'the's became a bit repetitive in a piece that didn't seem to need repetition like that. Your vocabulary is too strong and imaginative to use 'the' so frequently. :) In typing all that, I just realized that there are seven stanzas - did you pick that number on purpose? :) Good ending. It really was a living death for him, wasn't it?
Author's Response: Why thank you! ;) I didn't even realize they started with "the." I will see to it that I fix that. As for seven stanzas- happy coincidence. Hehe! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I did my best to give it structure even though it was a free verse poem. Thanks again for your review. ~Nagini