How far away from this last scene was the final battle? I am getting the time frames a bit mixed up. I think a bit of re-reading is called for.
Author's Response: Daphne's just leaving Hogwarts with the rest of the Slytherins and the underage children. The whole fic is based in two time frames, though, because Daphne is remembering her past with Lee, whilst carrying on with her life eight years after the battle. Thanks for reading ~Carole~
Good chapter. The first part was again oh-so-Austen, and the second part was a great look at Hogwarts during the war. I loved what you did with the interaction between the four of them, especially at the end when Daphne tells Tracey about Lee. I've very curious to see if she'll find her friend now! And of course to see where the other bits are going as well. :)
Oh! And the scene of Charity's classroom was so, so sad! It really does make me want to take your story AU and give her a happy ending!
~Gina :)
Author's Response: Ha ha - glad you looked the Austen bits as I liked writing them and they suit Hector very well. Daphne's just not much of and Austen heroine sadly. I was sad about Charity's classroom. She's rapidly becoming the character that I want to save from that awful death by writing a bad AU. :(
Thanks for the review - Carole
Ahhhh I absolutely love this backstory with Tracey. But now I am worried about Kevin because... I shan't put a spoiler in here since it seems many people haven't read the magnificence of Persuasion.
Also, Horace at the beginning was deliciously hideous. I love the way you have transferred Mary's ridiculous hypochondria onto him.
Author's Response: EEEP - just realised that I put the wrong name there. It's HECTOR, not Horace - hahahahah (I have altered now). Glad you like the back story with Tracey because she's going to feature a lot more as you can probably deduce as you know the book so well. :D Thank you for the reviewwwwwww. ~Carole~
So somehow I missed this chapter! Anyway, I'm here now.
First, Byron is so horrifically accurate! I already love to loathe him haha. The scene with the balloon made me cackle with glee and twiddle my fingers maliciously. I hope he gets his comeuppance for being such a sleazy snob. Muahahaha!
I think one of my favourite parts of this chapter was the breakfast scene. I really enjoyed Draco's presence and the stiff dislike between him and Daphne is great. I like that you've diverged from Persuasion in that instance because it feels more natural than having them pally like Charles and Anne. I had to snigger at the final few lines in that scene, too. You know.
Anthony is lovely. I love the way you had him staying at home to keep Demelza company... great planning :D The fair was also a wonderful idea and so enjoyable to read - it was a good catalyst for events to come, I think. I also kind of adore Wilfred and Nicola. Actually, there is nothing 'kind of' about that. I love them.
Oh sparks are flying again with Lee and Daphne! I loved Wilfred's remark about the House rivalry being alive and well in the Potter generation. There was a certain bitterness in that exchange that was such a contrast to the otherwise magic of the fair. It played out so well. You really are a master at weaving a story, Carole. And your characters just jump off the screen and into my head. The tension and awkwardness between Lee and Daphne is utterly gripping.
Gahhhhhh.
Every chapter of this fic is delightful, Carole, but I had so much fun reading this.
Author's Response: PUNCHES AIR! Yes! You liked my favourite exchange of the whole story. I've been giggling to myself over Draco's line - hahahahaha and haven't shared it with anyone. Draco just rocks! Mmm, I had to deviate from the book with the antipathy, partly because I do like Astoria far too much, but also because Draco was at H/W with Daphne so it seemed far more likely that they'd dislike each other given 'my' canon of Daphne not being involved in the detentions etc.
Glad you liked Wilfred's remark. I do think rivalries at H/W were more intense when Harry and Draco were at Hogwarts, but several years above them, it could well have been easier, once the first war was over. Wilfred hates to see it carrying on. he's very much a pacifier, in my mind.
Thank you for the reviewwwwww ~Crolalalanza
Interesting twist with Byron. At first I thought he was all right, but a bit of a prat, isn't he? I loved Lee's trick with the balloon. And I really like Daphne's free, open spirit. At least, she seems that way. It's all very Austen-like, from the Austen I've read: from the character to the social machinations. And yet, since I still haven't read Persuasion since the last chapter, I have no idea what's going to happen. I'm still sort of rooting for Anthony since Lee's been so distant. It will be interesting to see what returning to Bath does for her!
~Gina :)
Author's Response: OH OH OOOOHHHH! I am so pleased about this review because when I read the book, your reactions were almost the same as the ones I had (namely Byron and Anthony) , so I was trying to recreate that feel, although Byron's probably a bit of a prat sooner than I wanted - ha ha. I'm wondering whether I should urge you to finish the book before I finish this ... hmmmmmmm .... You should read the book anyway :) Thanks for the review ~Carole~
Thank you for the update!!!! It made my day!!! I just love this story - and inlike the idea the Scorpius picked a red baloon as a refference to High (dven if you did not have that in mind). I hope you shall update soon! :)
Author's Response: Thank youuuu. yes, there's a small reference to High with the balloon, or rather that Scorpius isn't the same as his father, but there's not really a connection between the two stories, otherwise I'll tie myself in knots - lol. Thanks for the review. I've just started chapter 9 so I am determined to get this finished. ~Carole~
I hope this wonderful story will soon have an update :)
Author's Response: Ohhh, thank you! I do have another chapter written, but I was waiting until I'd got a bit ahead of myself before posting it. Thank you for reminding me, though. I shall get cracking on this very, very soon. ~Carole~
I LOVE this version of the Cobb, and the twist on Daphne's character in that she isn't the one to care for Demelza after she falls like Anne but the one to save her from falling. I'm not trying to diminish Anne's role but I thought this fit Daphne so much better than if you followed the book. So basically, yeah, I loved it!
I know I've mentioned this in my previous reviews but I am still so enthralled by your portrayal of life during Deathly Hallows, both outside of Hogwarts before Daphne goes back to school and now that she is back. Tracey is interesting, and I am glad that Daphne is not the only Slytherin here who is uncomfortable with the Carrow regime. The bitchiness between Pansy and Daphne and Tracey is great, as is the way they cannot trust Millicent. It is all very Slytherin with the distrust and everyone out for themselves. Draco's little appearance is also intriguing and I loved reading some interaction between him and Daphne given that they're going to end up siblings-in-law.
The Potterwatch storyline is so good, too. I just love the way you are developing Daphne as a character. She is so fab! Not only does she want to listen to Lee, but she also needs to know what is really happening outside of Hogwarts. Your portrayal of Parvati and Padma, although brief, was quite powerful because we see the distrust and almost hatred on Parvati's part towards Daphne just because she is a Slytherin. It all felt so right. Your missing moments are always spot on, Carole. Guh.
Back to the bowtruckles, you have made me just as frustrated as I get with Wentworth and Anne. GOD LEE THE WOMAN YOU LOVE IS BLEEDING WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Honestly, I cannot WAIT to read more of this story. I am in such an Austen mood at the moment and this is satiating my needs quite nicely. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this perfect birthday gift.
Also, I have to add that I am so glad Astoria is not as grating as Mary. You may be taking inspiration from Persuasion but all your characters are completely their own. It's truly wonderful.
Julia x
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you like my version of the Cobb. Mmm, I quickly realised that I couldn't write Daphne too similar to Anne, partly because it's a different era, but also Daphne is a Slytherin and I think she has a bit more go about her than Anne did in certain situations. I also desperately wanted Daphne to take to the air and fly - ha!
Thank you so much for this lovely review. I really should get on and finish the rest of the story but keep getting distracted by that dem Cotillion and Scorpius - ooops. ~Carole~
I wish I had read the Jane Austen, because I would love to compare this rescue to Austen's! At least, I'm assuming there is a parallel. It was exciting, but lots of people were acting like prats, weren't they? George, Demelza, Lee - what is wrong with them?? I'm glad George came around, but I have to admit I don't feel that bad for Demelza. And Lee - come on, Lee. Stop being such a jerk. This is why I'm still sort of rooting for Anthony, to be honest. ;)
The jump to Hogwarts showed the effects of Daphne's choice nicely, as well as how bad it must have been for the students there. Were Draco and Pansy really Head Boy and Girl? What a pair, lol.
It was nice to see another speck of light in Padma at the end, and I hope things get better for Daphne both in the present and the past. Of course, if I'd read Persuasion, I might know, wouldn't I? LOL
Anyway - sorry to ramble - good chapters! Good luck as you continue!
~Gina :)
Author's Response: Anthony is the equivalent of a character called Benwick in the book. And when i first read the book, I was rooting for him, too, so I am glad you like him. :). Oh, the incident in Persuasion isn't as dramatic, but it's a pivotal point where recklessness and impulsiveness lead to something disastrous. Yeah, George and the others are acting as prats - full of alcohol as well, which explains their even more reckless attitude, plus George doesn't really like Slytherins (and hates Malfoy). Lee is hurt by the past, and there's something else to come from that past, which might make things clearer, but they were living in prejudiced times, and no one back then really knew who they could trust.
I don't know who head boy and girl were in that year. I made it Draco and Pansy for this story, but in Lavender, the head boy was Blaise. I can't see Snape being able to appoint people who weren't slytherins, although he might have been able to make a case for a Ravenclaw, perhaps.
You should read Persuasion - or watch a version. It really is fabulous.
Thank youuuu - Carole
Aww, their breakup was really sad. It's strange that I can really see both points of view, but having read the next chapter, I know the better choice. *sigh* Poor Daphne. Nice connection with Lee and Potterwatch on the end!
Off to leave a note on the next...
~Gina :)
Author's Response: Well, in hindsight we know that Lee survives and isn't carted off to Azkaban, and we also know that the Daphne in my story has a decent job, but at the time I can understand why she gave him up. In Persuasion, the heroine is persuaded to give up the hero because he's a lowly navy officer and the very real prospect that he would be dead within a year was always looming (Napoleonic wars).
Anyway, thank you for the lovely review. ~Carole~
I really like this Daphne.
Author's Response: Thank you! I like Daphne, too. :) ~carole~
A really interesting and original story. I hope to read more. :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much. There will be more. I'm close to completing it. :) ~Carole~
Hey Carole,
As I’ve mentioned to you before, I absolutely love Jane Austen, so I couldn’t resist this story. Sadly, I can’t find my copy of Persuasion, so I won’t be able to trace the parallels (as I’m sure there will be some) between the two stories as I read on. However, that hasn’t marred my enjoyment of this fic at all. Here, I’m going to review the prologue and chapter one, but hopefully I’ll come back to the rest later.
The first thing that struck me when I started reading this was its style. You mimic Austen very well, but it didn’t seem at all forced to me; it read like your own writing, but with that gorgeous formality and, for want of a better word, wordiness. It wasn’t overdone or hard to read, but instead made me giggle. I noticed the contrast between the prologue and chapter one in terms of language, and I thought that worked really well at signalling the differences between Daphne and her father.
I thought that a real strength of this story was its structure, and again, I thought you contrasted certain things to great effect. In the prologue, the way you contrasted the negative impressions of Daphne with her more positive sisters was very effective “ it was certainly an intriguing introduction to give to the central character. Then, that description was directly contrasted with the Daphne you present to us in the second chapter. She was so witty and, really, anything but “lacklustre” and the way you structured it made that really hit home to me.
Also on the subject of structure, the change of scene right after Lee’s introduction in chapter one killed me. You give us this little glimpse of a rather unexpected version of Lee and then immediately whisk us into a seemingly unrelated scene. It was a brilliant hook. I also thought that you picked a really great note to end the chapter on. It links back to Lee and Daphne’s meeting in the present time of the story very well, and I am now very eager to read on and find out how both instances of their acquaintance panned out.
Now, on to the most important thing: Lee and Daphne. Both characters already have me really interested, and there’s so much more to come! First, Daphne, as she’s the focus of the story so far. I’ve already briefly mentioned the contrast you created between her father’s perceptions and her real personality, and that’s something that I particularly like about her. It seems like she’s a really nice, interesting person (I really liked the line “Daphne had tried not to roll her eyes, knowing by ‘credentials’ her father meant blood status”) but she doesn’t fit with her family’s ideals and so they perceive her in a more negative light. This makes me sympathetic towards her, as well as curious to find out more about why she differs from them.
And then Lee. His entrance was so surprising. He didn’t seem at all like the teenager who commentated on Quidditch matches, and there’s no immediate explanation given. Is he only so reserved because of Daphne, is this what the war has done to him, or is it something else altogether? He intrigues me. I noticed that you created yet more contrast between Lee at the funeral and Lee meeting Daphne later. The earlier version of Lee was much more as I would have expected, which had the added bonus of making sure he couldn’t be said to be OOC, and he made me laugh a lot. I look forward to seeing his transformation explained.
Overall, these two chapters have got me desperate to read on and seem to set up your story brilliantly. I hope Julia has enjoyed this just as much as I have!
~Sophie
Author's Response: Sophie! Thank you so much for the lovely review (and sorry that I've taken so long to respond).
The start of this story - written in Austen style - was something I'd envisioned from the beginning, but I quickly realised that it wouldn't work for the whole story, which is why, when I switched viewpoints, I switched the style. I'm not sure how much you remember of the book, but Lee is acting very much like Wentworth did on first meeting Ann Eliot.
Obviously I have had to change rather a lot (Daphne isn't that much like Ann), but I think the main themes of the book are the same.
Sorry, this is a dreadful response to such an amazing review, but I don;t know how else to say thank you thank you thank you ... unless I say 'Merci', or 'Gracias', or 'Danke Schon' ... Ta - Carole
Oooh the way you are weaving in the time they're living in is great and rings so true. The censorship on the radio, Daphne's naiveté, the attack at the wedding and Lee's hesitation at telling Daphne what he knows... Carole, you really know how to create such a rich and full story. I love it.
Author's Response: Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
I just realised I never reviewed this chapter.
Guh. This chapter is sizzling. I just love them so much. Awwwwwww.
/incoherent squeeing.
Okay. Now that I have calmed down, I have to say that I am loving the way you are using the original story but making it your own at the same time. The characters are themselves, and I just love the way you are building the relationship between Daphne and Lee. Are you trying to add a new OTP to my plethora of feels? Because you're succeeding.
Author's Response: sizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzle
heh heh heh - Glad you liked that bit, alas, true love (and smut) can never run smooth in the Potterverse, Austenverse or Croll land, so there are a few more chapters to go.
This has been a lot of fun to write, but the main difficulty is that no one is quite like Anne, so I've had to change that character quite a bit.
Really happy you're enjoying this. ~Carole~
I love the way you wove in the wedding and the attack! And the bit with the radio station being censored rang very true as well.
As much as I like Lee and Daphne, I was so very glad that Anthony showed some interest. I like him too. Mind you, I don't know where that's going, but I liked it and thought Daphne did well holding her own.
Great job weaving together the past and present, too!
~Gina :)
Author's Response: Ahhh, Anthony. Yes, I rather like him too. And I think Daphne needs someone to show a little interest in her and remind people that not all Slytherins were boo hiss villains. Thank you very much for the review. ~Carole~
And you've given us yet another minor/original character to love. *sigh* I was so hoping this was going to end in smut, I must admit. Yay!
Also, to make this review more than a bunch of sighs, I must say the way you've woven this together with book events is fantastic. First the funeral, now the hints of Charity's sad fate. Which reminds of what a great job you did with her character as well. Plus the bits with Lee on the radio and Florean - all very cool!
But the smut was the best. ;)
~Gina :)
Author's Response: Ah, yes, the smut, had to get that in somewhere - ha.
Thanks very much for the review. Sorry, I've been trying hard to think of a way to respond that gives due credit for the loveliness of this review, but have failed miserable. I appreciate the reviews and insight as always - thank you. ~Carole~
But, Micheal and Daphne are together. Does Lee want a cranky Healer to come after him? Excellent story.
Author's Response: Mwahahahahahahah- Lee's too cool to be scared of a Healer! Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad you're enjoying the story. ~Carole~
Like it.
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you like the rest of it :) ~Carole~
I did read this last night, sorry this is late! I really like your Daphne. I like that she's a Slytherin who supports Dumbledore. I mean, why not? He's DUMBLEDORE! So good for her and those others who stayed for the funeral. You paint a good picture of what that might have been like outside of Harry's point of view. And I loved the meeting with Lee, although I really wish she had told him who she really was (in terms of her House) because I think that's going to cause problems, isn't it? :( Anyway - good chapter, looking forward to more!
Oh, and I have not read Persuasion. Loads of other Austen novels, but that and Mansfield Park have been two I've always meant to read and never got around to, so sorry I won't be able to comment on that aspect!
~Gina :)
Author's Response: OHHH, you haven't read Persuasion - that will be interesting then because I'm hoping it works as a story in its own right and not just to people that know the book.
Thanks for the review and pleased you like Daphne. I'm a little wary of 'good' Slytherins because you still have to show their 'Slyth' ness, but they weren't all boo-hiss villains.
Hmm, I think she just didn;t want to ruin that moment and watch his attitude towards her change :( . It miiight cause problems ... it might now - hee hee.
Thanks again ~Carole~
