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I know you don;t like this much, but I think when you're (and I mean a general you, here) are in the middle of the writecave, then things always look dark. Jess, my love, this is a good story. It's well plotted and makes sense. Characterisation is fabulous and I like reading it. Nay, I love reading it!
Okay, I need to comment on two things.
he had done his share of bad things in his lifetime, but it wasn’t the sum of him.
Fabulous. That's what I love about Draco fics - the possibility of his redemption.
I need to direct Draco towards Terminator and the main concept 'No fate but what we make' - Draco - Blow up the damn lab! (and don;t make potions anymore :D) (I hope you see what I did there - heh heh heh.
Oh, Carole, I will forever giggle at this review. First of all, ♥ that you don't hate this story, as it's rather dodgy in general. I wish I could've spent more time on this, but that just wasn't in the cards. Had it not run away with me and ended up so long, it might've got a bit of a better work-over, but it is what it is. You've Gauntleted; you know.
Draco is one of my favourite characters for this very reason, just like Harry is another favourite for the opposite (everyone who is good and just has a dark side). I wanted Draco to work for the right things because he knew that he had to. He was willing to attempt murder to keep his family safe, so of course he was willing to toss himself into the temporal schism to try to save the woman he loves and can't believe she loves him back.
As for blowing up the lab, I don't know if the laws of causality would allow that. Might implode the universe, but then again, if we created enough of a time problem, the Doctor might come to fix it. I can live with that, lol.
Oh, Jess. :) Character death doesn't bother me one bit! I have to say that Draco is just having a horrible life, isn't he? Too bad he didn't get a child.
I have to say, this was a brilliant story! It makes my story seem weak in comparison. But don't worry about me. I like reading these stories that blow me away.
Good luck, Jess!
And here we are again!
To be honest, I'm surprised anyone can follow this story, let alone find it blown-away material. However, I am glad you found enjoyment in it - certainly more than I found in writing it with all those beastly prompts. Anyway, I'm sure the end wasn't shocking, but I think if you felt anything like me, you kind of wished upon a star that it wasn't going to turn out that way. In this case, my author's prerogative was overridden by the laws of time and causality.
Thanks for reading. Good luck with your own entry, as well!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Intriguing, Madam DiStrange, very intriguing. But bad bad Draco, OF COURSE you're going back or else I'll have no one to write about.
Jess, it's looking good so far. Decent plot, good characterisation and a lot of mystery DUN DUN DUUUUUN!
Will read more when I come back from work (GRRRRRR) ~Carole~
Hi, Croll. :3
I did think she would die, but nonetheless I was sad she did, although it was sort of bittersweet, because she was with Draco.
It was rather a complicated story... this paragraph had me a little confused “I just couldn’t believe I missed by that much. You somehow got the formula out of me, but you even managed to convince my past self -- the one who came to the future -- that it was the right formula to go a year or so in the past after I returned to my own time using the potion I had already made. You set me up!” - but I got the general idea, and I find I can never really get my head around time travel anyway. And I did like the idea that it was Baltain all along. He did seem too good to be true (when he helped them with the potion). I thought it was interesting that he called his father weak and blind, I feel like there's a story in that.
The scene of Katie's death was really well-written... it felt like one of those moments in a movie where everything suddenly goes quiet and slows down (kind of like Sirius' death in OotP), which I really liked. Somehow that has the right drama for a death that you sort of knew would happen.
I don't think Baltain's attempts at modern English are that believable though... if he was from the 11th Century, he would have spoken Old English, and possibly a form of Old French, and Latin, and all of those have verbs and are predecessors of English, so he's unlikely to say something like "This English a stupid language", because it's lacking a verb. Anyway. I've just gone on for a paragraph about a really small thing that I probably only noticed because I'm interesting in the history of the English language.
So after that sidetrack, I did think this was a satisfactory ending to the story, and it sounds like the prompt was a bit difficult, but this does flow as a (mostly) believable story, that's certainly well-written.
Ah, what to address first?
Of course, Katie was going to die. It had already happened, and by making himself a part of that timeline, Draco trapped himself as a catalyst of Katie's fate. I think that is one of the more heartbreaking things I've had to do to him, but it was a necessary evil.
The explanation was confusing, but the situation was confusing. Draco was just starting to piece together what had happened and how, and more importantly, how to keep it from happening again. This will and did cause a bit of dodgy logic. Hopefully, though, it worked itself out.
I did some research on England's primary languages in this era, and most every source I could find said that, due to the Roman conquest, most of the island spoke Latin - especially learned folks. It also makes sense, since spells in HP have always been in Latin; the Founders having taught a lot of those spells, they would have spoken Latin as compared to Old English. And as for Baltain trying to speak modern English, I will cite personal experience as my inspiration. He is learning a language on his own from only listening and comparing to words he does know; he is going to have syntax problems. Also, the difference between Latin and English sentence structure is hilariously huge. There just...is no comparison. It reminds me of when I was learning Spanish in school. I could say things, but a lot of times, I'd either leave out words, use the wrong modifier or pronoun or suffix and end up with a Spanish milkshake of a sentence instead of something someone who actually speaks it could understand. That's why I made his struggles with English a thing. I will leave that for you to decide.
I wanted Katie's death to be the end of the story because we already know what happens after. And before. *shakes fist at causality* It was important that it happened and that you as a reader knew it did. I'm glad it was a good coda for the story. :)
Anyway, this is definitely not one of my stronger pieces, but I'll take any Katrina reviews I can get. Thank you for reading and for your support over the years. *hugs*
Sad but inevitable end. Unusual pairing and original story. Good one.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I don't know about original, as I probably stole half the storyline from a combination of Star Trek and Doctor Who, but I do love this pairing. Of course, though, anyone who is a student of time paradoxes, causality was always going to catch up with Katie and Draco. Effect can proceed cause and even be a catalyst for it (the chicken and the egg). It was tricky to choreograph, but the fact that your response isn't 'wtf is going on' tells me I did all right. I am glad. :D
Well a lot of things make a lot more sense now. I like your reason for Draco wanting to go back... I really didn't think he was going back to change the necklace, because of the reasons Katie mentions, even though he probably feels guilty about it. Also there's a nice connection with your reason - in trying to prevent himself from losing her, she lost him (by him being consumed by his work) and then almost lost him to time.
I liked the beginning of this chapter, with Katie waking up by herself, and the way she felt like that was normal. And in a way Draco getting the rabbit was like him being busy with his potions... it was to help/protect her.
I know I said in my last review I found the pacing a bit slow, but it was much better in this one - it flowed really well and I've really got into the story.
Yeah, I think a lot of the story flow stemmed from me having to establish a lot of backstory in order to make the upcoming information palatable. Once that nonsense was out of the way, the rest just kind of happened of its own accord.
This was where I wanted both the cracks and the strengths of Draco and Katie's bond to show. They are, after all, together for a reason, and I wanted to make sure that was explored to at least some extent. As you mentioned, Draco off hunting as Katie slept was indicative of their relationship; he worked hard to take care of her while she wished he were there for her to be with.
Anyway, I'm glad the story started to clarify itself. It's not the clearest thing ever, so that you could work through the weirdness and get to the explanation was good. Thank youuuu for being you and for visiting!
I agree, the story is a little weird, but it's also well-written and enjoyable. I like how you focus on the relationship between Katie and Draco, even though there's crazy time travel stuff going on, I feel like this story is really about them. I thought the ending of this chapter was great and really showed that. Although I was a bit surprised that Katie apologised to him for shouting and seemed less angry at the end, I expected her to still be angry at him leaving without saying anything.
I am also curious for the next chapters, especially to know why Draco chose this particular time to go back to (clearly he wants to escape his life, but why the 11th Century), and what he's been doing for three months.
As usual, it's well-written, but personally I found it a little bit longer than it needed to be... it's not that there's a particular section I would cut, but I just found it took me until almost the end of the chapter to really get into it.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the rest. I hope Draco's got some proper answers.
Gah, I miss you!
This story was a handful because of the nature of the Gauntlet prompts (and probably the crux of the pacing issue). I probably could've worked it a bit better, but by the time the fourth or fifth prompt hit, I just wanted the whole thing to end. Hence the patchy pacing.
Draco's trip back in time is explained in the final chapter, but as for what he was doing for three months, the answer is mainly surviving. What else could he do, when his potion to send him a couple years back in time sends him a millennium? Most of the ingredients he used were imported from elsewhere, and in that day and age, that meant unavailable. He thought he was going to spend the rest of his life in the land that time forgot, lol.
Katie apologised to Draco for shouting because she can see that he had already suffered enough. After all, he did spend months scraping by in a barbaric time period. Plus, she loves him to the point where, if she bitched about every inconsiderate thing he ever did, they'd never speak to each other again.
Anyway, off to respond to the rest. I hope things have proven illuminating.
Hello! :) Before I say how fantastic this is, I want to point out that in your eighth paragraph, you wrote that they put the skin out in the sun to "try," instead of "dry." you may want to fix that. Also, I wasn't sure on your spelling of "maneuver" right after Draco and Katie escape Aelbert. Just an observation...
Anyways, I love it! The relationship feels so real, and I want to steal it so badly! Maybe my next piece will feature Draco/Katie... :) Great job! I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep it coming! ~Nagini
Formalities first: I fixed the typo you pointed out, and the spelling in question is the British English spelling of 'maneuver'. Just weird, I guess. :)
Anyway, yayayayay at Draco/Katie shipping! Julia was happy when I told her (she's my Draco/Katie partner in crime). I fully endorse any Katico fic ventures, and I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story.
I am not confused. I also lie a lot.
Author's Response: Touche, good sir! Feel free to make any inquiries, and I shall do my best to point out where in the story the answers might be found. The answers are there, but as the narrator herself isn't entirely sure of what's going on most of the time, they're hidden in little pockets throughout the fic.
This is easily one of the weirdest things I've ever read - but somehow that isn't a criticism. For me it was more about their relationship than the bizarre time travelling, and as always your characterisation was dead on and believable. Draco and Katie's fractured relationship was so human, and the lengths Draco was willing to go to to 'fix' it were completely believable and flowed perfectly. I must admit I didn't entirely understand exactly what happened with the time jump and why, but I think that will be remedied after I re-read this, and that really isn't a criticism. Your ability to create such a believable story out of such a bizarre situation really should be commended. I'm probably not explaining myself very well but what I'm trying to say is that I actually really enjoyed this and that the weirdness worked!
Oh, Fenella, I will never cease to adore your reviews. :D
This story was weird - weird to write and weird to plot. I had a rough idea of how I wanted things to go down, but how to get there was at the tender mercy of my Gauntlet guide. I can't convey how many annoyed PMs I sent my guide because I was unhappy with being derailed yet again, but I sucked it up and here we are.
Draco and Katie are a ship that shouldn't work, but when you break down the nuts and bolts of who they are as people, they kinda do. I never really thought Katie resented Draco for the necklace thing, because that isn't who she is. I think Draco hated himself for the things the Dark Lord made him do than anyone who was or might've been hurt by his efforts. Overall, I think it's made him a more complex and real character.
I don't blame you for being confused by the plot. I even had to read it a couple times myself to make sure it made sense to ME. I really wanted to have a beta for that purpose, but mine flaked out on me, so it was freeballing from there. Erk. Anyway...
Thank you so much for your visit and ever-kind words. I look forward to your visits, even if I'm a dolt and don't respond quickly enough. *hugs*
Gah, you have done so well with the prompts so far! I actually did not have to suspend my belief, Jess. :) I think the only thing I was skeptical of was the people burning Draco, because they normally didn't go after men for witchcraft, but I think it worked in this case so there was a sense of danger. Overall, I really enjoyed it! I was do excited to see this, and as I read, I tried to catch the prompts given to us. I was thrilled when she drank the potion, and equally impressed with how you incorporated the second prompt. I eagerly await the next chapter... :) In the meantime, would you mind reading my story and reviewing? It is sadly misrepresented with its zero reviews... :(
Great job Jess!
Sorry for the epically late response!
Actually, they weren't burning Draco for being a witch; rather, he was caught stealing. Normally, they'd chop a hand, but if he tried to use magic at all to free himself, they very well might've tried burning him at the stake.
This story is weird. I still don't know if I'll ever be happy with it, and I'm pretty sure my Gauntlet fic from two years ago was better than this, but I had fun writing Draco and Katie, who are one of my OTPs. Thankfully, the endgame that I had planned for the story from the outset was more or less intact. When you know where you're going, it tends to be easier to get there.
Usually, I make it a policy not to review challenge fics I'm judging or stories I mod, but if I do happen to find the time, I will do my best to check out the competition!
Thanks for the visit!
An unusual pairing and an adventurous story line.
Haha, this is one of my first HP OTPs. Then I realised that I hadn't written a proper fic about them. After writing this, I see I still haven't done, but it was...interesting. Thanks for stopping in!