Hi Maple. I thought your story was well written and had a strong message, but maybe not the message you were focused on. Your story summary indicates that the point of the story is that Rose takes up with Scorpio right after he drops Lily. To me that is not the point of the story at all. In fact, it’s not even about Lily, Scorpio, or Rose. It’s about Everyman and Everywoman, the old, old story of the guy pursuing the woman who naively believes he wants to be soul mates, when all he really wants is sex, and if she doesn’t put out for him, he dumps her and goes to where he can get what he wants.
Lily thinks she loves Scorpio (he’s handsome, suave, and has all the right moves), but she doesn’t know the real Scorpio; she loves an imaginary Scorpio, and when he dumps her, she mourns the loss of that fairy tale, perhaps not realizing yet that it was never more than a fairy tale. The real Scorpio is a jerk. This happens all the time. Someday she will recognize that he was a user and that she was well off to be rid of him.
So why did he ask her out in the first place? Not because he was madly in love with her, but because he could tell she had a big crush on him and thought that she would be an easy mark.
The part I have difficulty in understanding is why Rose, a supposedly smart girl, is willing to allow herself to be used. I guess that people of any age can be book-smart, but it is hard for fifteen-year-olds to be wise.
The writing style is smooth, and the story proceeds at a good pace. It brings back memories of how silly teenage girls can be, and the hare-brained but obvious things they do, such as breaking open a schoolbag, to try to make boys notice them. It makes us all glad that those years are far behind us. Thanks for a fun story.
this is good, please update soon!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! While this fic in itself is complete, the story line continues in Lost in the Stars and Casts, which can be found on my authors page :)
"condensation."? Was Rose a steam engine or did you mean condescension? Still a good read.
Author's Response: Oh man, I should have looked over this agan. Thanks for that. You made me realise how many f my stories need a revamp :)