I think that the unsatisfying ending to this story is one of the best things about it. It's easy to write a story where everything works out all right, or where everything becomes hopeless, but to write an ending that's caught in that kind of purgatory between getting what you want and losing what you have is just beautiful.
The imagery and the style of this piece was incredibly well done. I'm a big believer in parentheses if they're used advantageously, which you did here -- they really help to show Adrian's thoughts in a third-person context. Daphne is one of my favorite characters to write and read about, and I really liked her characterization here…I see her as being kind of ephemeral, as well.
This is beautiful writing, Lily. It's short, but you've been able to sum up so much of their relationship in so few words. I think it's easy for readers to confuse the empathy they feel toward Adrian at the end with disappointment, but I hope you realize that this is far from a disappointing story. I don't usually tell people to discount negative reviews because I think the criticism helps you grow as a writer, but I don't agree with the first two reviews you received whatsoever, and I think the reason they're negative is that some people have certain preferences when reading romances (i.e., they like to see a happy ending) whereas I prefer a more realistic one like this. And it's so realistic. It's bittersweet -- my favorite kind of read -- and the way that you've executed it shows your maturity as a writer :). xx Ariana
Wow. I don't agree with either of the prior reviews. I found the style of this story to be a perfect fit for the no-win situation that Adrian finds himself in. I actually felt that it ended on a positive note, with two different interpretations: in making the first move Daphne is showing the first sign of caring, or by not chasing her Adrian realizing his ability to move on. Good job!
Author's Response: I want to hug you right now, for no other reason besides the fact that you liked this story.
I don't know...but I found it to be lacking in some aspects like her reactions to him,the ending wasn't too good also.....I think so u should rewrite this with a few more details because the storyline is but the description isn't.
I have read some of your stories and i think that you can do much better.
Author's Response: Is there a reason that you didn't like the ending? I think it was necessary to the story, even if it didn't turn out the way that you wanted. I'm also not sure why you think the storyline was better than the description. This piece was mostly description-based, and there really wasn't much of a storyline. I intentionally wrote it like that, so saying that you don't like the description is really quite a bit like saying you don't like the story. I'm glad you've read some of my other stories, but I'm at a bit of a loss to understand why you would review this one and not the ones you thoroughly enjoyed.
Different, but I did not find it a satisfying read.
Author's Response: Frankly, your reviews are not very helpful for me to improve my writing. Is there a particular reason why you didn't find it satisfying? Was the style of my writing not your cup of tea? The storyline? I'd like more information before you tell me that you didn't like something--this seems very unjustified and I'd like to suggest that you not review in the future if you don't have anything constructive or positive to say. Believe me, I considered this story for a long time before beginning it, it was approved by both mods and betas, and I'm not too inclined to be convinced that it wasn't a good story by someone who can't even tell me why.