Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/16/13 15:04
Chapter: Chapter 20: Draco Invited for the Holidays

So, are there many Nundus around? They sound horribly dangerous. Do they have reserves for them like they do for dragons? I kind of hope they let Lucius out of Azkaban. The "wireless" extendable ears are very funny. Won't people notice them sitting around the house. They sound large:D

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/15/13 15:11
Chapter: Chapter 19: November at WUP

Those aphids can be a pain in the butt. I'm still suspicious of Ardiana being able to do more than they think. I wonder if Ardiana will try to get an invitation to Malfoy Manor.

Author's Response: Ardiana is certainly going to be trouble -- I promise you that! Thanks for the reviews, Jenny

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/15/13 13:08
Chapter: Chapter 18: Halloween

I swear there's nothing worse than finding a dead pet. I wish Hermione could just relax and enjoy her time with Neville. They both know it's not for real. I'm more worried about Draco. He's really got to keep his thoughts hidden.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/02/13 15:18
Chapter: Chapter 17: Trip to London Part 2

I don't think I've ever heard of the game Piggy in the Middle. Not to sound paranoid, I think we always have to be careful about how we act in public if we are trying to hide something. We never know who is watching and may talk to someone else. As I read the scene at the restaurant I was reminded of my son who used to comment on the small portions when he'd join me for lunch and one "fine" restaurant or another.

Author's Response: Thank you for all your thoughtful chapter by chapter reviews! I look up a lot of details in my stories so that they refer to British customs. Maybe that is why you haven't heard of this game? Thank you for continuing to read and comment on my stories! --Jenny

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/02/13 13:53
Chapter: Chapter 16: Trip to London

I thought Draco's brunch menu choice sounded the best of all. It seemed similar to eggs benedict which is one of my favorite things. I guess it hasn't been that long since the trio broke out of Gringott's on a dragon. At first I thought that enough time had passed since and maybe they'd forget. I'm sure the break-out put a taint on security at the bank that the goblins won't soon forget.;

Reviewer: baby54boomer
Date: 04/30/13 17:26
Chapter: Chapter 21: Fall Semester Final Exams

I understand the chapter's title and text are pointing us towards the end of the semester; however, you do not provide a transition to the holiday break and the ensuing tension that will envelope Draco and Hermione. A paragraph or two outlining their plans would have been nice.
The subjective grading/obvious prejudice exhibited by Professor Lesage provides an all-too-familiar circumstance for many readers with which to identify. Draco's explanation was good: unfortunately for Hermione, a filed complaint with WUP's Omsbudsman Office would have drawn unwanted attention to the D/H partnership. If you are going to build a case of bias against Hermione's Muggle status that will eventually be refuted when your story resolves, now is the time to build on what has been previously written. D/H's "separation" could easily make Hermione a target of Dark Arts bigotry and heighten the story tension.

Author's Response: The transition is coming in the next chapter, so hopefully you will appreciate it there. I like the idea of building up the Dark Arts tension and I'll see where I can fit it in going forward. As you'll see, I will be taking a more personal approach with Professor Lesage. But the general prejudice could be played up as well. Thanks for the thoughtful review and good suggestions! --Jenny

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/30/13 16:53
Chapter: Chapter 15: October Opacity

I figured Ardiana was a legilimins. I don't think it's a good idea at all to let Lucius have access to a wand. I'm wondering how useful it would be to have Draco practice his Occlumency skills with Lucius, although as Harry said, a little practice is better than nothing. Hermione is so funny. In the middle of everything she's still concerned with helping a phantom achieve happiness:D I guess the two-way mirror is like wizard skypeing.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/29/13 15:00
Chapter: Chapter 14: Continuing the Charade

Hermione's trying to be so nice. It's hard when someone asks you out but you're really not interested and you still want to be nice. That was my problem in my younger years:D The comment about the boules d'amour was interesting--that they can guarantee a date but not a good time. I suppose if they guaranteed a good time they'd be illegal because they'd influence how someone feels.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/29/13 14:54
Chapter: Chapter 14: Continuing the Charade

Hermione's trying to be so nice. It's hard when someone asks you out but you're really not interested and you still want to be nice. That was my problem in my younger years:D The comment about the boules d'amour was interesting--that they can guarantee a date but not a good time. I suppose if they guaranteed a good time they'd be illegal because they'd influence how someone feels.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/25/13 15:47
Chapter: Chapter 13: Sowing the Seeds

As always, I love Draco's romantic gestures. Ardiana basically read Hermione's mind and no one was suspicious? I guess what was on her mind was pretty obvious though. I still think there's something creepy about that girl. Maybe Hermione will have to rescue Draco in this story.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/25/13 14:35
Chapter: Chapter 12: Dealing with Lucius Malfoy's Information

Ron was a little too happy with the fact that Draco and Hermione were fake breaking up. It's a good thng Neville is there to fake date Hermione. I'm worried about Draco. Considering who Ardiana is, Draco could be in danger. Who knows what she's capable of.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/23/13 15:36
Chapter: Chapter 11: Draco visits Azkaban

That was certainly interesting. I almost felt sorry for Lucius although from this visit he didn't seem very remorseful. I had the sense he was still scheming on how to best get out of Azkaban.

Reviewer: baby54boomer
Date: 04/22/13 13:42
Chapter: Chapter 20: Draco Invited for the Holidays

While this chapter is filled with foundational information primary to the story's climax, you end this narrative rather abruptly and in a sophomoric fashion.
Certainly you have a much better understanding of plotline and text. Be careful in crafting your next submission.

Author's Response: You overestimate me. I'm a complete amateur who's figuring this out as I go along! I have pieces I am moving, but a lot depends on how long the chapter is turning out to be and where to break things up so that no one entry is too long or too short. Thanks, Jenny

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/19/13 16:29
Chapter: Chapter 10: More Undercover Work

I really enjoyed this chapter. I liked all of the names that were mentioned as substitutes for S.P.E.W. Somehow I don't think Lucius will just tell Draco the name of the Dark Wizard they're looking for. I don't trust this version of Lucius.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/19/13 14:18
Chapter: Chapter 9: Returning Lochrin's Broom

I'm glad Draco discussed the return of the broom with his mother. I usually don't think of Hermione having a "girly scream." From the movies it seemed that Draco was the one with the girly scream-when the hippogriff bit him and Hermione punched him. I have a feeling that Hermione will do something to help the phantom--either bring him back to life or send him to the afterworld.

Author's Response: I don't think of her as having a girly scream either -- I meant it more as her acting -- we can all fake one, right? ;-) And eventually I have plans for Belphegor, but there's so much going on in the story that I'm not sure where to fit that in! Thanks for the review, Jenny

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/16/13 16:31
Chapter: Chapter 8: First Weekly Auror's Meeting

I think Draco was purposefully irritating Ron during the meeting:D For a while I was worried about where Hermione was going when she asked Ron if he cared for her. Neville, as you're writing him, seems to be a confident and calm sort of person. I guess he did kill Nagini though. That would make me confident.

Author's Response: Yes, that's my thinking exactly with Neville. It's tricky, making sure the characters behave the way JKR wrote them, plus reflecting their growth post DH. Thanks for more insightful reviews! I appreciate your comments. --Jenny

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/16/13 13:31
Chapter: Chapter 7: Classes Begin

As Neville did, I also forgot he was there undercover and not an actual student. I'm willing to bet that he's going to forget why he's there and really get into studying plants. He's lucky to have Hermione to organize things for him. I can understand her enthusiasm for the start of a new school year. I was always like that too. Don't worry about the pace of your updates. I've got two stories going that I haven't updated in several months. I've had so many things going on in real life that I just haven't had time.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/04/13 17:24
Chapter: Chapter 6: Meeting at the Ministry of Magic

It seems like the Aurors Office presumes a lot. They want you there when they call you, even with very little notice and then they think you have extra time to conduct an investigation. Maybe I'm just getting old and lazy but I don't think I'd like that sort of interference in my life.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/04/13 13:52
Chapter: Chapter 5: Harry and Ginny's Wedding

I wanted more dirt on Ron and Lavender:D Just kidding. While I enjoyed this chapter it didn't read like your writing. Maybe you had more description in here and that was the difference. I wish all weddings could be magical.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/02/13 15:26
Chapter: Chapter 4: Xoroi's Ghost

The ghost story was a nice added touch. Ginny has an almost childlike enthusiasm for this vacation. Although if it weren't for Ginny, I think everyone else would just sit around.

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