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Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/29/13 17:55 · For: Chapter 24: Draco in Luxembourg II
I'm worried about Draco. If I was the bad guy I'd wait for a while before doing something to Draco if I suspected him. I'd wait until he least expected an attack. Having Vojin's Patronus be a Nundu was brilliant. And possibly have him be an Animagus is even more brilliant. That would explain how the Nundus show up in odd places and disappear just as quickly.

Author's Response: You have figured me out regarding the Nundu. And I've also set you up to be worried about Draco. I just hope it's a fun feeling and I promise to resolve it eventually. ;-) Thanks, Jenny

Name: baby54boomer (Signed) · Date: 05/29/13 12:44 · For: Chapter 24: Draco in Luxembourg II
Nicely constructed with just enough unresolved tension to elevate the reader's anticipation for the next chapter.
You use several narrative misdirects in the last section..."Relief washed over Hermione," "Draco seemed safe," "if anything interesting occurs," "if he suspected anything." The subtle innuendo of doubt is well-placed.
Good luck with the next installment.

Author's Response: Thank you for your thoughtful assessment of this chapter. I am very pleased that you liked it. I just hope you like the way things proceed from here! Thanks, Jenny

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/23/13 13:38 · For: Chapter 23: Draco in Luxembourg I
I will be happy when Draco gets out of that house, especially after his conversation with Vojin. I'm not getting a warm sense of this family and Ardiana seems real cold herself. I was surprised there were no mosques for wizards.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/20/13 14:49 · For: Chapter 22: The Mistletoe Ball
Going back to your course descriptions, I thought you were very clever in coming up with descriptions and tests. That could've been a very boring chapter but to me it wasn't. Draco always gives Hermione the best gifts. What would anyone do without Neville? He's really helping Hermione get through this.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/17/13 13:43 · For: Chapter 21: Fall Semester Final Exams
I felt bad for the poor graduate student who had to have every spell performed on him. No wonder he had a Medi-Wizard standing by. Grad students always get the worst assignments. I really enjoyed how you described all of the tests that Hermione took. It sounded very realistic. You had me believing there really was a Wizarding University of Paris.

Author's Response: I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed the descriptions of Hermione's final exams. I have a lot of fun thinking up her course schedule and requirements, but I worry folks might get bored by my details. I'm happy to hear that was not the case for you. Thanks, Jenny

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/16/13 15:04 · For: Chapter 20: Draco Invited for the Holidays
So, are there many Nundus around? They sound horribly dangerous. Do they have reserves for them like they do for dragons? I kind of hope they let Lucius out of Azkaban. The "wireless" extendable ears are very funny. Won't people notice them sitting around the house. They sound large:D

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/15/13 15:11 · For: Chapter 19: November at WUP
Those aphids can be a pain in the butt. I'm still suspicious of Ardiana being able to do more than they think. I wonder if Ardiana will try to get an invitation to Malfoy Manor.

Author's Response: Ardiana is certainly going to be trouble -- I promise you that! Thanks for the reviews, Jenny

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/15/13 13:08 · For: Chapter 18: Halloween
I swear there's nothing worse than finding a dead pet. I wish Hermione could just relax and enjoy her time with Neville. They both know it's not for real. I'm more worried about Draco. He's really got to keep his thoughts hidden.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/02/13 15:18 · For: Chapter 17: Trip to London Part 2
I don't think I've ever heard of the game Piggy in the Middle. Not to sound paranoid, I think we always have to be careful about how we act in public if we are trying to hide something. We never know who is watching and may talk to someone else. As I read the scene at the restaurant I was reminded of my son who used to comment on the small portions when he'd join me for lunch and one "fine" restaurant or another.

Author's Response: Thank you for all your thoughtful chapter by chapter reviews! I look up a lot of details in my stories so that they refer to British customs. Maybe that is why you haven't heard of this game? Thank you for continuing to read and comment on my stories! --Jenny

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 05/02/13 13:53 · For: Chapter 16: Trip to London
I thought Draco's brunch menu choice sounded the best of all. It seemed similar to eggs benedict which is one of my favorite things. I guess it hasn't been that long since the trio broke out of Gringott's on a dragon. At first I thought that enough time had passed since and maybe they'd forget. I'm sure the break-out put a taint on security at the bank that the goblins won't soon forget.;

Name: baby54boomer (Signed) · Date: 04/30/13 17:26 · For: Chapter 21: Fall Semester Final Exams
I understand the chapter's title and text are pointing us towards the end of the semester; however, you do not provide a transition to the holiday break and the ensuing tension that will envelope Draco and Hermione. A paragraph or two outlining their plans would have been nice.
The subjective grading/obvious prejudice exhibited by Professor Lesage provides an all-too-familiar circumstance for many readers with which to identify. Draco's explanation was good: unfortunately for Hermione, a filed complaint with WUP's Omsbudsman Office would have drawn unwanted attention to the D/H partnership. If you are going to build a case of bias against Hermione's Muggle status that will eventually be refuted when your story resolves, now is the time to build on what has been previously written. D/H's "separation" could easily make Hermione a target of Dark Arts bigotry and heighten the story tension.

Author's Response: The transition is coming in the next chapter, so hopefully you will appreciate it there. I like the idea of building up the Dark Arts tension and I'll see where I can fit it in going forward. As you'll see, I will be taking a more personal approach with Professor Lesage. But the general prejudice could be played up as well. Thanks for the thoughtful review and good suggestions! --Jenny

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/30/13 16:53 · For: Chapter 15: October Opacity
I figured Ardiana was a legilimins. I don't think it's a good idea at all to let Lucius have access to a wand. I'm wondering how useful it would be to have Draco practice his Occlumency skills with Lucius, although as Harry said, a little practice is better than nothing. Hermione is so funny. In the middle of everything she's still concerned with helping a phantom achieve happiness:D I guess the two-way mirror is like wizard skypeing.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/29/13 15:00 · For: Chapter 14: Continuing the Charade
Hermione's trying to be so nice. It's hard when someone asks you out but you're really not interested and you still want to be nice. That was my problem in my younger years:D The comment about the boules d'amour was interesting--that they can guarantee a date but not a good time. I suppose if they guaranteed a good time they'd be illegal because they'd influence how someone feels.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/29/13 14:54 · For: Chapter 14: Continuing the Charade
Hermione's trying to be so nice. It's hard when someone asks you out but you're really not interested and you still want to be nice. That was my problem in my younger years:D The comment about the boules d'amour was interesting--that they can guarantee a date but not a good time. I suppose if they guaranteed a good time they'd be illegal because they'd influence how someone feels.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/25/13 15:47 · For: Chapter 13: Sowing the Seeds
As always, I love Draco's romantic gestures. Ardiana basically read Hermione's mind and no one was suspicious? I guess what was on her mind was pretty obvious though. I still think there's something creepy about that girl. Maybe Hermione will have to rescue Draco in this story.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/25/13 14:35 · For: Chapter 12: Dealing with Lucius Malfoy's Information
Ron was a little too happy with the fact that Draco and Hermione were fake breaking up. It's a good thng Neville is there to fake date Hermione. I'm worried about Draco. Considering who Ardiana is, Draco could be in danger. Who knows what she's capable of.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/23/13 15:36 · For: Chapter 11: Draco visits Azkaban
That was certainly interesting. I almost felt sorry for Lucius although from this visit he didn't seem very remorseful. I had the sense he was still scheming on how to best get out of Azkaban.

Name: baby54boomer (Signed) · Date: 04/22/13 13:42 · For: Chapter 20: Draco Invited for the Holidays
While this chapter is filled with foundational information primary to the story's climax, you end this narrative rather abruptly and in a sophomoric fashion.
Certainly you have a much better understanding of plotline and text. Be careful in crafting your next submission.

Author's Response: You overestimate me. I'm a complete amateur who's figuring this out as I go along! I have pieces I am moving, but a lot depends on how long the chapter is turning out to be and where to break things up so that no one entry is too long or too short. Thanks, Jenny

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/19/13 16:29 · For: Chapter 10: More Undercover Work
I really enjoyed this chapter. I liked all of the names that were mentioned as substitutes for S.P.E.W. Somehow I don't think Lucius will just tell Draco the name of the Dark Wizard they're looking for. I don't trust this version of Lucius.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 04/19/13 14:18 · For: Chapter 9: Returning Lochrin's Broom
I'm glad Draco discussed the return of the broom with his mother. I usually don't think of Hermione having a "girly scream." From the movies it seemed that Draco was the one with the girly scream-when the hippogriff bit him and Hermione punched him. I have a feeling that Hermione will do something to help the phantom--either bring him back to life or send him to the afterworld.

Author's Response: I don't think of her as having a girly scream either -- I meant it more as her acting -- we can all fake one, right? ;-) And eventually I have plans for Belphegor, but there's so much going on in the story that I'm not sure where to fit that in! Thanks for the review, Jenny

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