Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/20/12 5:59
Chapter: Chapter 3 - Muggle Studies
Good stuff! The Muggle Studies class was very well written and had a real feel of canon about it.
I have a small quibble about the 'Defence' class. Carrow changed the class to 'Dark Arts' and not DADA, although if you're planning to include that later in the story, then ignore me. :)
I'm glad Adrian has some people to hang around with, but seriously he has to wise up soon. *sigh* this is a great story, Hannah, I hope you're not sick of me saying that :) - Carole-
Author's Response: I think Kara picked up on that as well when betaing. I think in my head, I'd imagined the class still being taught under the pretence of being called DADA but was in reality just DA but then I've just re-read the part of DH where Neville talks about it and it probably was more likely that the name was just outright changed. Maybe if happened after Christmas though (so I can deal with it later in the story hehe). Thanks for the review!
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/20/12 5:47
Chapter: Chapter 2 - Try-Outs and Tribulations
QUIDDDITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes! I love Quidditch - ha ha ha.
Yes, it is going to be a long year for Adrian, but sadly for Bob, this won;t be a long review because I need to read the rest of the story.
Really enjoying this. It's original and also refreshing to see a character with distasteful views being presented sympathetically and not a Slytherin.
Well done. ~ Croll ~
Author's Response: Thanks youuuu - my response also won't be long as I have to leave enough to say to respond to each review individually. But it's so nice to hear that you're enjoying it! I actually quite enjoyed writing the quidditch thoguh I worried it was a bit boring for people to read.
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/20/12 5:35
Chapter: Chapter 1 - A New Year At Hogwarts
OMGGGG!!! Hannah, this is brilliant. You are presenting both sides of the argument so very well. I do, in a horrible way, find myself sympathising with Adrian and of course he'd want to believe that, even though he must know it's unfair.
Your character development is also great. Samuel is well realised and I'm enjoying the details about the Squib school. It did aways seema shame to me that the Squibs were pretty badly treated in HP - belonging to neither world - but Samuel has something about him.
Great work. ~Croll~
Author's Response: I am so glad to hear you say that about Adrian because I really did want to create a character that people liked, while at the same time giving him unusual views and making him believable!
There's more on the squib school to come in the next chapter!
Reviewer: Dad
Date: 08/19/12 21:24
Chapter: Chapter 5 - After the Match
This story is developing nicely. I can see that people will have to take sides before the end of the school year, but where will the uncommitted go? Keep it coming.
Author's Response: Thanks! There's been a bit of a gap, but hopefully the next chapter will be up soon :)
Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 08/19/12 16:40
Chapter: Chapter 5 - After the Match
I love how Adrian is slowly waking up to things! Brilliant!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Yes, I think over the next few chapters he'll start to wake up even more. Hopefully the next one will be up soon!
Reviewer: Lost_Robin
Date: 08/17/12 18:54
Chapter: Chapter 4 - Birthdays and Broomsticks
Sorry I haven't reviewed before. Great story. And right after that last line: Oliver Wood woke up rather outraged at his last dream: Snape had cancelled Quidditch. Sorry, had to say that.
Author's Response: Haha, I wish! Thanks for the review :) ~coolh5000
Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 08/10/12 18:05
Chapter: Chapter 3 - Muggle Studies
I wasn't sure about this story when I started it bc the whole pure blood stolen magic stuff has been done with slytherins to an infinite amount BUT you completely hooked me when he was sorted into hufflepuff!! WOW!!! A new angle! Misguided by his love for his brother so he's completely relatable but also ignorant at the same time!! Love it!! Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I wanted to create a character that wasn't a bad person as such to show how regular people could be taken in by what was happening in the wizarding world during DH. I've been writing quickly so hopefully it won't take too long to finish - I hope you'll read the rest! ~coolh5000
Reviewer: CanisMajor
Date: 08/09/12 3:18
Chapter: Prologue - Breaking the News
Great start to a story with an excellent premise. The striking moment is that reaction when Theia sees the Muggle family: a shot of pure jealous hatred, from someone who might have thought she didn't have a jealous bone in her body. Dramatic emotion, yet it rings completely true. You didn't really even need to pursue it: by the end of that first paragraph ("How does it happen?") we already have all we need to know for now.
One criticism: you have a few viewpoint changes in this prologue, and I'm left wondering who the rest of the story is going to be about. Theia? Adrian? Or Samuel himself? I guess the next chapter will clear this up.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) I've had similar feedback about overdoing it a bit in the prologue so perhaps I need to go back and revise parts of it. This was always going to be Adrian's story, but I wanted to separate the prologue a bit and decided to make it more of a multi-pov to give the reader an introduction to all of the characters. I hope you'll continue reading! ~coolh5000
Reviewer: Dad
Date: 08/08/12 17:47
Chapter: Chapter 2 - Try-Outs and Tribulations
Good story line. Interesting stuff.
Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you'll read on when I add the next chapters :) ~coolh5000
Reviewer: crbluvsravenclaw
Date: 08/04/12 17:00
Chapter: Prologue - Breaking the News
I really loved reading this because it was so interesting. Keep me updated!
~crbluvsravenclaw
Author's Response: Thanks :) The second chapter is up now and hopefully I'll have the third in a few days ~coolh5000
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 08/03/12 23:51
Chapter: Prologue - Breaking the News
OHHHH, Ilove this set up, Hannah. Really this is brilliant. Of course they would be resentful, and of course they would harbour this resentment towards the Muggle-borns. Clever set up. I was struck by the characterisation of Adrian - that innate selfishness where he doesn;t want his toys touched - ha - that is SO like children. They rarely see beyond themselves until older and you captured that perfectly.
Really interested to see where this goes. Well done ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Carole! Lovely to hear your opinion on this :D I was worried about making the boys too old so I was careful to keep little elements of childhood in them. I hope you'll like the rest of it too! ~Hannah
Reviewer: Snorkack
Date: 08/03/12 22:19
Chapter: Prologue - Breaking the News
This sounds promising, an excellent idea for a story!! Looking forward to the next chapters!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The second chapter is up now and hopefully I'll have the third in the next few days. ~coolh5000
Reviewer: expelliarmus17
Date: 08/03/12 21:31
Chapter: Prologue - Breaking the News
Excellent! Great introduction to what is sure to be a great story. Good flow and characterization. I liked the brief point of view of the Healer. My only critique is that you explicitly say that Theia and Adrian are blaming Samuel's lack of magic on someone else, while I think it is implied enough. People aren't usually conscious of blaming other people for their problems, it is just their coping mechanism.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The critique is very useful - I was a little concerned that I'd overdone the point of them blaming other people for Samuel's lack of magic and made it happen a little too quickly and a little too obviously, so I will go back through and edit a little bit to keep it more implied rather than explicit. Hopefully I'll have more up soon too. ~Hannah
Reviewer: FearlessFlyer
Date: 08/03/12 20:49
Chapter: Prologue - Breaking the News
Good start. I've always wondered what the scenario would be in a family such as this one when they find out that one child is a Squib. I'm looking forward to where this will go - keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! It's an idea I've been toying with for ages so I'm glad to finally get going. Hopefully I'll have more soon :) ~Hannah
