Before I say how emotional this made me feel, first, I just want to point out this line-"There were so markings on the body," McGonagall replied. "So" should be "no." Just a quick edit!
Anyways, the ending made me so depressed! This was very powerful. I am so impressed by the maturity of your writing! I especially loved the anaphoric lines at the end of each section. It was so beautiful! I could really feel the numbness and then the regret that Hannah had. If this doesn't win, it has, at least, won in my heart. :)
Author's Response: Haha, sorry about the typo. I shall fix it immediately! Thanks for the lovely review, I'll be sure to return the favor ASAP <3
Oh, Julie, this broke my heart! I already knew from canon and your warnings that the end was not possibly going to be happy, but I was still not prepared for it. This was a short, sad story which also happened to be very powerful.
First of all, I must say that I liked the use of sound elements. The whisper of footsteps, some onomatopoeia later on… everything added to the grandeur of your writing. Speaking of your style, it is simple and descriptive. I liked how you showed everything instead of telling us about it. A perfect example of this would be this line: "Where have you been all night?" demanded an enraged-looking Mrs. Abbott, stomping across the room and, despite her tattered pink bathrobe and gray slippers, looking quite threatening. Everything starting from the expressions on Mrs Abbot’s face, right down to her clothing, her ‘stomping’ out of the room said a lot about her in very few words and I really liked this because I always tend to have troubles writing this way and you have managed it with ease.
Characterisation-wise, I liked how all the characters were written. Hannah herself, well, we don’t know much about her from the books, but you gave her an identity. She is a true Hufflepuff; she stands up for her friends. She also stands up for her mother when Draco insults her, despite everything her mother has done. She is prompt to leave the house when it all gets too much, showing that she is a strong person. And at the end of it all, you show that she is very caring too. Hannah’s mum was… I was shocked at her, to be honest. I have seen a lot of ‘abusive dad’ stories (and am guilty of writing it) but I’ve rarely seen stories with abusive mothers. I felt sorry for Hannah; sorry that her mother didn’t really change. But it’s good that Hannah forgave her. It shows that deep inside, she really did love her mother.
On a side note, I really liked Draco’s characterisation. The dialogue and everything was so like him- even if he did just appear for two seconds. I liked this in particular: "Better watch out, Abbott," Draco drawled. "If dear Potter is right, your Mudblood mother may be in for trouble." That’s so… Malfoy! Him signalling to his ‘entourage’ later on and his drawling voice and his behaviour towards Ernie and Hannah: as in, mocking Ernie for defending Hannah, and Hannah in turn for defending his mother just seemed like what he would so. I’ve read too many ‘soft’ Dracos ever since the next generation came along, and going back and reading that old, slimy boy in Harry’s year, written so well, was nice. I couldn’t not mention how much I adored this part!
Going back to the story as a whole, I really liked the intensity of emotions in it. The descriptions were very good and I could really get into Hannah’s mind and feel her pain and dilemma and sadness. Your story had, as one of my Betas had put it for my story once, ‘an episodic feel’. There were flashes of scenes, all ripe with new emotions and more beautiful descriptions. I also liked the ‘but it did’, ‘but it didn’t’ pattern. It definitely added a lot to the general feel of the story.
I was aware that Hannah’s mum would die in the end but when it did happen, I felt very sad. I even felt sorry for Hannah, even though I knew this was… a kind of liberation for her. However your mother is, she is very essential in a person’s life. We all need our mothers, abusive or not.
I was so glad I decided to check this out. This was a wonderful piece, Julie. Well done!
Author's Response: *squees* Thank you soooooooooo much! <3 This was a super hard story for me to write so I was afraid it might be weak, but I am THRILLED that you like it! This was just a plot bunny that kept running away, so I'm glad that I finally caught it! Ah, Draco. I know that he's supposedly a better person, but to me he's always an annoying ferret. Glad you liked him! Thank you so so SOOO much, Pooja! <3 ~Julie
That was very sad for Hannah! But they were plausible, well-done scenes of her life leading up to what we know happened to her mother at the end. I was glad to see her leave the abusive situation when she had the chance (and the strength). It was also uplifting to see her forgive her mother at the end - that's a hard thing to do. I could see parts of this being longer, but it works well as brief snippets, especially with the connecting "But she did/But it did, etc" at the end of each segment. Good luck in the challenge! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much! :) I wanted to make it longer, but when I did it just didn't work out. I am very glad that you liked it. :D