Hello, Phoenix Song. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, commenting on your work in progress, Dark Fire. I have been reading Next Generation stories recently, and yours is set the farthest into the future that I have read so far, but it seems that some things don’t change.
In your story Draco, who was born around 1980, is the grandfather of Matt, who is fourteen as the story opens, so the date must be near to 2050. Regulus and his twin sister Isrea, the parents of Vale & Sari and of Cell respectively, were born in 1961 and are now in their late 80’s. Canon says that the lifespan of wizards and witches is well over 100, but I’m not sure if it answers the question of whether witches can still give birth in their 70’s. We will assume they can.
The present date being so far in the future, it is reasonable to presume, as you do, that some things have changed. In your AU, the Sorting Hat takes the candidates’ preferences into account much more than previously indicated, so that the houses have become grossly imbalanced, and there does not seem to be any attempt made to control this. Surely this imbalance will cause logistical challenges of residential accommodations, classroom assignments, and so on (or maybe the rooms just magically expand), as well as social challenges not easily cured by the waving of a wand. Has the Sorting Hat become senile after all these centuries? On the other hand, some things are exactly the same: the train, the thestral-drawn carriages, the castle layout, the Sorting ceremony, as if tradition has become a straitjacket keeping the wizarding world imprisoned in a past increasingly less suited to their needs. Perhaps that is why the Sorting Hat is allowed to continue. There are lots of possibilities for this story of a society stuck in a time warp where things are slowly getting out of kilter. (Have they updated their curriculum at all in the last fifty years?)
This story is well written, with a smooth style and many interesting details that make the characters come to life. I liked Cell’s remark that Matt wanted to “steal my robes one day and pretend to be a Hufflepuff for twenty-four hours.” An interesting way to express the probably common curiosity about what it would be like to be a member of a different house. But when I look at these “interesting details,” I notice that none of them is humorous; this is a pretty serious story. Even when the Hufflepuffs are overjoyed to get three first-years at the very end of the Sorting, it is an emotional moment but not at all humorous.
Of course we are curious about the secret that Cell cannot forget, even for a minute, and we wonder who the strange foe will turn out to be. We are disappointed that a segment of wizarding society has seemed not to have learned any lessons about prejudice, even after the last disastrous wizarding war.
It’s too bad that you have put this story on the back burner for now, because it certainly has possibilities, and you have written well so far. Perhaps you can find time to come back to it and let us know what it was all about.
Great job! I love your OCs, especially Cell. She seems pretty well developed. I also like your description of Hufflepuff, how no one wants to go there so they have hardly any people. It's so sad!
For your decision about making Regulus Black in this time, I'm not sure whether he actually was in the trio era and is just really old now, or if you just put him in here at a normal age for a parent of Hogwarts students.
Other than that one patch, the story is very good. I especially like the friendship between houses, and Matt's welcoming attitude toward Muggle- borns.
Not bad!! Hope new. Chapter comes soon!!! Great start of the story! Will be looking for updates!!
Author's Response: Thanks! :) I will update ASAP
New characters. Looking good.
Author's Response: Thank you