This poem intrigues me. I keep re-reading it and I'm not sure how to review it, but here we go!
I like that you've made me think about immortality and what that might be like. The mundane nature of your imagery (Flobberworms and lettuce!) sets an idea of how immortality might actually become something that is quite dull and uninteresting. What's more uninspiring than a Flobberworm? The first stanza has this especially. This phrase is particularly interesting: "Heads for tails and tails for heads,
It moves but does not quite." Nothing is quite what it seems, here.
The second stanza is a little confusing for me. Rhythmically it works and the words create some interesting ideas. I think I get the idea of the reflection being deceptive, but I'm not sure how to fit that into the rest of the poem. I might be being a bit daft though. ;)
(But all I really am is this:
Deceitful sixty-five cloaking
Two colossal centuries.)
My favourite lines summing up the whole idea of immortality - its all just a trick. This stanza starts to introduce the idea that the first two were leaning towards, that perhaps this wasn't worth it.
I like that the stanzas get shorter at the end. It feels like an idea gathering pace. The last line confirms this - there has been an epiphany and some sort of decision made. We don't know what, but we know it is just begining.
Overall this is a very quiet feeling poem but with a definitely, unavaoidable flow and rhythm. I think I'll have to keep coming back to it to try and understand it fully, but your wording it so beautiful that will be no hardship. :)
Author's Response: Hello there! :) I'm never sure how to review a poem :x You've left a great one - thank you! The Flobberworm and lettuce were both chosen to show that an unending life could be filled with mundane and uninspiring things. The Flobberworm is also used to symbolise Perenelle - not quite what she seems, painfully ordinary, and also immortal (moving, but not quite). With the second stanza, I was trying to take her back to the moment which would later produce the thought in the first stanza. Perhaps, she tends to avoid thinking about her own situation, but the sight of the Flobberworm triggers the introspection. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem - it's one that I'm definitely proud of :) Thanks!
Wow! What an ingenious idea!
In your first stanza on the last line, I have a problem with those last two words. I think the flow and rhythm would work better if it read "quite not".
With the second stanza, I feel similar for the last line. Maybe it should read "the hours after" or "hours after hours." it's just so it stays in line with the rhythm of the rest of the poem.
I loved it though! This will definitely allow the flobberworm to gain some fame!