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Reviews For Trains

Name: psijupiter (Signed) · Date: 10/21/13 16:29 · For: Trains
I really like this piece. The structure works very well for me and it tugs on my emotions. It flows well and the development of Remus's character and his relationship with Sirius builds up throughout.

My only niggle is that I felt the mention of Tonks felt a little out of place, (but then their relationship alway felt a bit like that that in the books, so it may well just be me!) On one hand I think it would have been good to have intergrated Tonks into more of the story, but on the other hand that would definitely have taken away from the focus and structure of it and made it into some other story all together. Sorry, this is an unhelpful paragraph.

Otherwise I love everything else. The dialogue of the first meeting is fab and convincing, I don't think it is always each to get the interaction of 11 year old to sound real. Remus and Sirius first kiss is adorable and lovely. I was a little bit disturbed by how much shagging Sirius had done by the fifth year (both in rumours and in reality) but then I was perhaps a little sheltered. Maybe just talking about snogging feel more realistic to me.

The funeral, both of them, were heartbreaking. This especially: "can’t bear to think about the rest of his life stretching before him"

I like the parallells Remus draws between his own friendships made on the train and the friendships Harry has made, and how both of them know how precious they are.

I liked Remus and Sirius's reunion. It was very subdued but that fits the place where they both are in book 5.

The final sections is more fleshed out than the rest and it did feel a little unbalanced at first. I almost wonder if it would work better by leaving their reunion to the imagination completely. I think having the background of how James first found out about them is a bit too much information at the very end of the story although it does give us a chance to see the older Remus and Sirius interact without the weight of the war on them.

It's lovely to see them all together again though at the end. I'm really glad I read this, thanks!

Name: The owl (Signed) · Date: 07/20/12 15:11 · For: Trains
I absolutely love fics involving the Marauders and slash pairing, so this story was right up my street, as it contained both. I admit, when I read your summary, I wasn’t sure if you could pull off such an unlikely premise, but you convinced me pretty quickly. Right from the opening, I found your use of the present tense really effective; coupled with the short scenes it gave the piece a lot of immediacy, and kept it moving nicely.

I really liked your use of “pack mates” in that initial list. It’s like the werewolf never completely goes away (and neither do the stag, dog and rat). Remus’ characterisation seemed spot on from the start. The line “Remus had just been looking for a spare seat” seemed so unassuming; I could just see this lost, lonely boy wandering down the train. His lie about the car accident and Sirius’ reaction to it were really funny and demonstrated instantly why they ended up friends.

I have one little issue with the first section: Americanisms. In the UK we call “ER” Accident and Emergency, or A&E, so that’s what Remus would know it as. There were a couple of other Americanisms later on -- “apartment,” instead of “flat,” for example. It’s not a big deal, but it is a little irritating for British readers. (If you want help on this, I suggest you go ask around on the beta boards.)

In the second section, the tension that you created between Remus and Sirius was sudden, but that matter-of-fact first statement just made it seem equally inevitable. I love-love-loved the line “it’s hot and wet and messy, too much teeth and tongue, and it’s utterly, blissfully perfect”. The listed adjectives showed perfectly how Remus’ thoughts were getting all tangled up in the moment and made me wish I could kiss Sirius too…

Moving swiftly onwards, I’m not sure that I liked Remus’ assumption that Sirius was being cruel. Yes, that insecurity is very much like Remus, but Sirius is one of his best friends; I don’t see Sirius as the type to be deliberately cruel to a friend, and I reckon Remus would have known him well enough to agree. Then again, it also seemed a very teenage way to react. We don’t know exactly what Remus was like as a teenager (and I suppose he would have grown up a lot during the first war) so maybe that could explain the melodrama.

Actually, on that note, I really liked how you developed Remus’ character through the piece. I wasn’t a huge fan of the angsty teenage bit, but it was good to see the development from lost little boy, through that and on to the maturity of the last sections. The way he forced himself to stay in control after Sirius’ perceived betrayal was so sad, and I liked that you reused of “Pack”. The capitalisation there gives another hint of the wolf lurking within: subtle, but undeniably there.

The little glimpse you gave of Harry was lush. Remus’ nostalgia for Harry’s infancy was poignant and so sweet. I liked Remus’ insight into Harry and his similarities to both of his parents, as it was a good reminder of how close he (Remus) was to James and Lily. Then from familial love to some good old romance: that was a very effective transition. I felt so, so sorry for Sirius, seeing how much he was worrying Remus. Remus’ reaction revealed so much. The holding hands and never letting go thing was so sweet. It wasn’t overly romantic and gushy, but you really could feel the love. (Me? Cheesy? Never.)

The last section, after his death, made me cry. I already love Remus, and this fic played on that a lot. Watching him meet James and Lily “ and especially his moment of fear for Harry “ touched me. I liked Lily’s feistiness; that’s how I tend to write her myself, so seeing her as very sweet and gentle bugs me. Also, James’ smirk at the thought of Sirius and Remus back together amused me greatly.

Then the bit where Remus and Sirius finally met was, well, hot. It was such a small, understated bit of writing, but that was all it needed. I was rather relieved for them, being back together at last. The line about sounding like a girl was fabulous, as was the way that James found out about them. Poor Prongs, indeed! The following transition from this bit of levity to more sadness really got me. Teddy: that one word was enough.

I am very glad that Tonks got a mention at the end, because I had been wondering how on earth she fitted into all of this. I don’t think I quite agree with Remus’ statement that they were “never going to board the same train”. I see as Remus’ biggest love, and Sirius coming second, but that’s just my take on things. Forgetting my opinions, I guess you handled it quite well. I suppose she would have known, from their time at Grimmauld Place, and, especially after Sirius died, she wouldn’t have made a big thing of it.

Actually, speaking of Sirius’ death, it is the one thing I really would have liked to see mentioned. The premise of the story is that all of the poignant moments have happened on trains, and I feel like this would have been one of the most poignant of them all. Certainly, given the degree of love you have created between the two men, I think it’s major enough to warrant a mention. What you have included all works fine without it, but it could have been a nice touch, and made their reunion even more moving.

One more nitpick, and then I’ll leave you in peace. I love semicolons; they are a very addictive punctuation mark. However, it can be easy to overuse them, and there were a couple of places where I felt you could have lost one or two. There were also one or two incidences where I thought that a colon or a common-or-garden comma would have been more appropriate (I think that “Remus barely hears him; too busy staring at the door in front of him” should have a comma, for example).

I really am being picky, but that is only because this story is of such a high standard. I absolutely adored the story, and I’m only picking you up on these little details because it’s so close to total amazing-ness. Anyway, I hope you write more soon and if you ever need a beta reader, I would love to help (as, I guess, would many people on the boards). Sorry that this review turned into such an essay, but there was a lot I wanted to say!


Name: hufflepuffatheart (Signed) · Date: 07/19/12 2:27 · For: Trains
Great writing. I love Remus/Sirius. I was disappointed you had no other stories! Keep it up :)

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