MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Reviews For Fall Behind

Name: Leah Knight (Signed) · Date: 12/03/12 3:53 · For: One
I loved it!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad. :)

Name: goldensnidget92 (Signed) · Date: 07/30/12 16:49 · For: One
I don’t think I’ve ever read a Remus/Lily fic before, mainly because I worry that there’ll be a lot of clichés in the fic if it isn’t done well enough. However, I was intrigued by your summary and I’m really glad I read it now.

It was interesting to see this kind of dynamic: to have Lily and Remus be together whilst both knowing that Lily is with, and loves, James. It could easily have been quite out of character and unbelievable, but I think you managed to keep the characters true to their originals “ not an easy feat in this situation! Remus was very intuitive, and always seemed to expect what Lily was about to do, which I though reflected canon very well. Although we never really meet Lily in the books, it felt like you had written her very faithfully: the way you mentioned how she didn’t “tiptoe around his condition” really struck me as true to her character.

The fact that you kept on bringing James into their thoughts was an astute way of doing fully developing the characters, as it highlighted the fact that they were always clouded by guilt. It’s almost as though there were three people in the relationship.

Although you wrote the feeling of guilt that Remus had towards the end well, I did feel the lack of it earlier on in the fic. I began to wonder why he didn’t explicitly think about how he had betrayed James. Would he be paranoid that James might notice anything? Perhaps he could have reflected on how his relationship with Lily might be affecting his friendship with James?

That said, I did think that the lines “James is the only reason he still has a roof over his head now […] He feels guilty as all hell for it, but damn if he doesn't adore every fibre of her, inside and out” were incredibly powerful. You apologised in your End Notes for the Dark/Angsty touch, but I thought it was very fitting with Remus’s character. He’s always had a fairly melancholic outlook on life, and if any of the Harry Potter characters could get depressed I’d certainly guess it would be him.

Translating Remus’s remaining guilt and confusion about James and Lily onto his relationship with Harry years later was wonderful to read. It makes you wonder what Remus thought the first time he saw Harry “ and in this case whether he would feel a rekindling of the old guilt.

I also thought the way you integrated Snape into the narrative helped give us more insight into Remus’s later life. When you wrote, “he wonders if Severus has seen that as well, or if the man's hatred of James Potter has clouded his vision,” you really made me think about Remus and Snape’s relationship. Did Remus know that Snape loved Lily? Obviously you imply so, and I think that’s a perfectly plausible assumption. Of all the Marauders, Remus is the one who seems wisest, and could have seen what the others did not. I thought the fact that you added this displayed how much you had thought about the characters.

The style you wrote in seemed very fitting for this type of fic. Keeping it simple and as a present-tense narrative enforces the idea that Remus and Lily live very much ‘in the moment’: only dealing with James when they absolutely have to. It makes it feel like a snapshot view, and that we as the reader are eavesdropping on a very private moment. There was one thing I thought could have been put differently “ you wrote that the kiss between Remus and Lily was “sweet and slow”. I seem to read about “sweet, slow” kisses a lot, and I feel that it’s become a bit of an empty expression. I get what sense you’re giving, but I think you could have described it differently to bring it to life more. What did the kiss do to Remus? Can you compare it to anything?

I really enjoyed the way you wrote this, and I could tell that you had put a lot of thought into your representation of the characters. Whilst the situation could have been a bit unbelievable, you managed to make the characters understandable and “ more importantly “ entirely human.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you gave my fic a chance and ultimately received it so well! Thanks very much for both your praise and (thankfully minor!) criticism. It really helps to hear what did/didn't work well. Cheers. Ah, yeah, I really know what you mean about it being an "empty expression," and there were probably a million ways I could have phrased it differently that would have made it more significant and meaningful. To put it bluntly, I suppose, there was no tongue involved! ;) But if I had to say it in a more poetic and pleasing way... hm... none of the fiery passion but still a huge amount of love. The sort of kiss you give someone when you want them to know that you feel a deep and suffocating devotion for them rather than just a burning want. After that it does progress to something that has a lot of teeth and groping and all that other fun stuff. Hopefully that makes it seem less... dumb and cliched. Erk. Once again, thank you for the lovely, thoughtful, wonderfully long review! It's great to hear your thoughts on it.

Name: Invisibility Cloak (Signed) · Date: 07/16/12 5:06 · For: One
Hey, Ars Letalis! Nice imagery, particularly "She presses her forehead into his as tears streak down her face and drip onto his skin like hot oil". The instances of humor were nice as well: "little lapdog--"Lapwolf!"--". And I feel it's very intriguing how you gave Remus the exact opposite reaction that Severus has regarding Harry: "This is his chance for redemption, this child who looks so much like the man Remus had wronged all those years ago and whose eyes narrow in exasperation the same as his mother's." But that seems likely- Remus and Severus are very different people, with some substantial differences in their backgrounds, especially pertaining to James Potter.You also made sure to let the reader discover for him/herself about the relationship, but I wonder if you could have elucidated further on why Lily needed both men...? And thank you for putting in the author's notes, both of them. You're right on both counts, of course :). It's always useful to know what music helped engender a story, and perhaps also something of what the author thinks of their own work!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I feel that reviews like this are what make writing fanfiction really, genuinely worthwhile. You're right that there could've been some more elaboration as to the nature of their relationship/Lily's feelings, but considering Lily didn't seem to know what was going through her own head, it was hard for me to make an attempt at translating it myself, haha. So maybe she didn't know why she needed Remus. Could it have been that she felt he was a safer choice than James? Was she being greedy? It might be yes on both counts, I admit. I'm glad you caught the parallel between him and Severus! I like to draw comparisons between the two, since I feel there's just so much there to go off of: traumatic childhoods, ostracism, having their lives changed in one direction or another by James Potter... and maybe Snape got the short end of the stick, but he was also the opposite sort of person that Remus was, always being hateful and cruel and, well, not a terribly good teacher. And yes, I agree, it's interesting to see where a writer draws from in the creative process. :)

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 07/15/12 16:27 · For: One
Very emotive writing, but I am afraid I did not like your story line.

Author's Response: Perfectly fine, I know it may be a pretty unpopular concept. :)

Name: Nagini Riddle (Signed) · Date: 07/14/12 21:01 · For: One
i am laughing even though this is sad!!!!!! goodness, everyone loved Lily! she is such a vixen! :)
nice story, though! out of curiosity, what would lily have said if Remus had asked her just then?
these types of stories only make me dislike James Potter more... Lily deserved better! *chuckles*

Author's Response: Now, I wouldn't say that! I've always been fond of James, and I like to think that while both he and Lily did some unsavory things, they were both good people with a nice, albeit short, relationship. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though. ;P As for your question, I think Lily was just very confused and emotional and maybe not being entirely honest with herself or, for that matter, Remus. I can't imagine she honestly would have said yes, and I don't think Remus could've let either of them go through with it anyway. As Rowling said, Remus really liked to be liked, and he would never be able to take Lily from James due in part to that need. And in her heart of hearts, Lily really did love and want to be with James.

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