I found this poem really fascinating to read, because whilst it is quite lyrical, with a soft, lilting rhythm, its content is very dark, and the contrast was striking. In fact, there were a lot of contrasting elements to the poem which I noticed, and that I think worked really well together. For example, the physical layout of it immediately stood out, and made me wonder whether the fragmented verses paralleled the fragmentation of the characterâ€™s mind. This staccato appearance challenged the simple, consistent rhyme scheme, and yet the two balanced each other out, making the poem flow seamlessly.
Your command of language was really powerful â€“ I particularly loved the phrase â€śtorturous contortionsâ€ť. If you read it out loud, your mouth becomes slightly contorted because itâ€™s difficult to say, and therefore it echoed the contorting effects of the Cruciatus Curse perfectly. I also liked how you brought in recurring words to help emphasise the ideas you were exploring. The way â€śshadowsâ€ť was repeated frequently seemed to me to highlight the intangible nature of the victimâ€™s pain: they arenâ€™t being tortured with any physical object, but with something we canâ€™t quite grasp at. I suppose that could even make the effects of the curse even more maddening, because the victim must find it impossible to express the true pain they suffer.
I thought your approach to the effects of the curse was excellent: especially the way you used language to emphasise the theme. When you mention the â€śshadows coiling around my heartâ€ť and the â€śtendrils of fire curling around meâ€ť, you conjured an image (in my mind at least) of a snake wrapping the victim in a death-grip, and I think that was particularly apt for this theme. It not only represents the cruel, cold-blooded, twisted nature of the torturer but also (more abstractly) connects them to the serpent of Slytherin house.
One of the most impressive elements of the poem was your subtle introduction of the characters towards the end of it. I hadnâ€™t really wondered who might be the voice of the victim when I started reading, but when you suddenly said â€śour fate has been sealed,â€ť I began to think more about the characters. Leaving it until the last line to reveal that theyâ€™re Nevilleâ€™s parents (made even more powerful by the fact that you only imply this) worked so effectively, and seemed to be the perfect way to end it. Their devotion to their son, the fact that they will endure this â€ślingering hellâ€ť in order to preserve his safety, reflects the hope that the poem ends with, and provides an uplifting sensation to an otherwise dark poem.
Wow! Loved this poem! Am I correct in thinking that this is about the Longbottoms?
I especially liked how you placed the lines, staggering the stanzas. It really helps it move along in a jagged way, kind of like the cruciatus curse does. And the rhyme seemed effortless and beautiful! Wow! Not cheesy or silly, but absolutely stunning! *jaw drops to the floor in amazement* GREAT JOB!!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it, I really appreciate the review. And yes, you are correct. I didn't set out to write about them, but as I was writing that's where it went. Thanks again! ~Gina :)
Is this about Frank and Alice Longbottom? Wonderful Poem!~Nidhi
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, it is, so I'm glad that came out. Thank you for reading this, I appreciate it! ~Gina :)