I liked this chapter a lot :D However, I did notice a few things. McGonagall's father was a Muggle, so I think that she would know how to dress around them. Also, Hermione's birthday was in September. Other than that, great job! :D
Author's Response: Thanks so much!!! Yes, and I'm planning to change that as soon as possible, I'm a bit busy being on vacation at the moment :D. Thanks so much for reading!!!
Oh, I loved it! You did a great job with description and Hermione's personality. Yay for this being your first story! I loved that feeling. Oh, and this is quite unrelated, but I love the Hunger Games too! Keep up the great work, I can't wait to see what you write in the future!
Author's Response: Cailee, Thank you so much!! I think this is one of the best reviews I have ever gotten!!! I actually started writing a fanfic before this, but this is my first completed one, and the first one that I have gotten onto Mugglenet. I am planning on putting a few more stories onto MNFF soon - a oneshot dark/angst about Neville, and a next-gen chaptered fic about Albus' first year at Hogwarts. I hope you can read them when they're validated!
Seems quite good, would like to read more :)
Author's Response: Hate to disappoint you in the fact that there won't be any more to this story, but I will be putting a few more stories onto Mugglenet soon; one next-gen, and one dark/angst oneshot about Neville. I shall say no more here, hoping that they'll be up soon and that you'll enjoy reading them! Thanks for reviewing!
So, from what I can tell they are flooing from Hermione's house. But how is that possible as she is a muggle? Unless they connected it for some reason and it would probably be good to mention that. Otherwise, nice job!
Author's Response: Yes, I was thinking that they have connected it for that purpose, since it is the best form of transportation since hermione is underage. I will mention that when I get a chance. Thanks for reviewing!
Hermione and her parents were good, but I don't think that McGonagall would paint her nails or sound quite like that. Other than that, excellent story so far.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I added the part with McGonagall painting her toenails just so that she would try to fit in with Muggles, for even Ministers of magic don't know exactly how Muggles look. However I may change it a bit. I don't know exactly what you mean by 'sound like that', though, maybe you could review again to tell me what you mean or contact/PM me (if you're on the Beta boards). My username is the same there. Thanks again for reviewing!
Is Mariah a muggle or....?
Author's Response: Yes, Mariah is a muggle. I created her to show how she was the only friend that Hermione has had in her younger years. Thank you for reviewing, however short the review!
This seems like a rather interesting take on Hermione’s life before Hogwarts. You’ve written her character really well, and I managed to see the image of the older Hermione in this Hermione. When we are first introduced to her in PS it is rather obvious that she’s never had any other friends and she was a bit bossy. I like how this begins from the very first day of primary school. I especially enjoyed reading her interaction with Rob Crawford; he seems like the typical bully! I started disliking him from the very first moment, and was glad to see how Hermione’s accidental magic outwitted him.
This reminds me about her grandmother. I was like “ahh!” when I read about the great-great-uncle; this was a very nice addition to the story, showing us where Hermione got her magical genes from. I do hope that sometime in the future Hermione realizes that this person was actually a wizard. I also noticed how you had Hermione like books about magic and fantasy from the very beginning. It must have been a dream come true for her when she finally got her Hogwarts letter. I grinned at this line: Maybe I like to leave this world and go to another, because she actually did!
Hermione sighed and went to one of the only places where she felt at home - sometimes even more than her own house. I felt rather bad for Hermione here, but this line is such an accurate representation of Hermione’s love for the library. This seems like a strong development of her character for the future, because whenever she feels lonely or needs to consult someone, her first stop is the library. I was glad to see that you put this in here, for this helped to deepen her character.
Now for some nitpicks: While your grammar and everything is really good, you did use a lot of Americanisms. I take it you’re American? Recess is called “lunch break” and “soccer” is football. I’d suggest you get a beta to look over your story for these, because then it’d be so much more realistic. You can contact many brilliant and lovely betas through the Beta Boards.
Once again, this was a brilliant story, and I certainly look forward to the next chapter! I really hope Mariah stays longer, and Hermione at least finds one friend in the Muggle world. Update soon!
Author's Response: Nadia, Thank you so much for your amazing review!! I have always loved Hermione and studied her character a lot. Rob was actually a character I was nervous about writing, so I'm glad he got across that way to you. I'm glad you recognized the detail about the Great-great uncle, I figured it was possible people might even skip over it. And when I wrote that line, I wasn't even thinking about her adventure to Hogwarts! So ironic! I always imagined Hermione's parents to be sort of strict and overprotective, which is where she got her love of books. I like to make people feel for my characters, if they can't connect with them. Yes, I'm American. I didn't write this in the first place for Mugglenet, so I didn't think about it. I'll try and change those as soon as I can. Yes, I'll update as soon as I can. Last time it took twelve days for this to be validated, so I don't know how long it will be until I get the next chapter up. I have the whole story finished, though. Thanks for your amazing review!!
Keep going, I'm enjoying this. Let's see how young Hermione turns out. Nice touch making her Dad a secret chocoholic. Criticism (well, you asked for some): you are using American school terminology instead of British ("fifth grade", "recess", "public elementary school", etc.) And in the same vein, "soccer" should probably be "football".
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!! Yeah, I thought that part with her father was funny, I just added it for a laugh. Okay, so I'm not British......I guess it's kind of obvious, I'll try and change those as soon as I can. This is my first story that's actually gotten onto MNFF, so you're my first reviewer!! Thanks!!