MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
07/09/12 1:34 · For:
I think you did a good job with something we know almost nothing about - Remus's covert operations with other werewolves. It must have been awful, and that opening scene with Greyback really conveyed that.
I liked the first person point of view, esp. when Remus asked for the cigarette. Somehow, I could see that being a coping mechanism for him. The memory of Peter seemed a bit random, though: it didn't fit into any sequence of thoughts or events here, even though I'm sure he thought it often enough. I thought his brief thoughts of Tonks seemed more appropriate given what else was going on in his life at this time, and made his story even sadder, knowing he gave her up for that brief time.
I thought finishing with Molly was a great idea, because don't we see Remus talking to Molly at some point in the books? If not, I can totally picture it.
My only suggestion would be to take your time with more things. This could have easily been twice as long, and not just in word count, but in a bit more character development for both Remus and the werewolf he's trying to turn, Steve, and also in plot, as Remus joins this pack, observes it, and gets to know Steve before revealing his real purpose. Grabbing this man's hand and Apparating seemed far too rushed in particular. So a bit more here and there would have definitely developed it all even better. Maybe he succeeds with the next pack? :)
Good job, and good luck with your future writing!
Author's Response: Thank you. Yeah, I see what you mean about the Peter reference. I was trying to make it lead on from Greyback attacking a rat, but reading it back I don't think I made the jump explicit enough. Thanks for the feedback on development: it's something I really need to work on actually, my stories always seem to have room for that little bit more that I just don't write in. :/ Thank you again for the lovely review :)
(Signed) · Date:
07/08/12 11:51 · For:
I was intrigued by the summary of this fic, and although I don't read as many Dark/Angsty fics as I do others, I enjoyed this, and thought it was very well written. I feel like very little emphasis is put on Remus's time with the werewolves in the books, so it was interesting to read more about it. Although I was initially unsure about the 1st person narrative - and that's just me, not a comment against your writing - I came to appreciate the direct view into Remus's mind.
Name: Nagini Riddle
I thought your depiction of Greyback at the beginning was fantastic: you only used a sentence or two, yet still managed to convey the full sense of horror and disgust that surrounds him. That was particularly excellent. I also liked the character of Steve, especially the line about him clinging to himself to remind himself that he was real. It was an interesting look at how being a werewolf affects someone's identity and the way they see themselves: would he think of himself as a monster? Perhaps that's something you could explore more? I think that could be a fascinating theme.
I liked how you included the idea that they're all outsiders, and I wanted to read a bit more about that! I would also like to say that I LOVE that Remus came from Cambridge - it's my home town too!
I thouht the final scene with Molly closed the story very well, as it emphasised the idea of Remus living a double life. It also ended on a hopeful note, with the implication that things could get better for both Remus and the Wizarding World. The final line was both poignant and uplifting, if that makes sense!
So overall, I really enjoyed this fic, and I hope this review helped!! I'm looking forward to see what else you write.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm pleased you like Steve, I came up with him a couple years ago but never got the chance to write him into a story, but I enjoyed writing about him here. And yay for Cambridge -- it's such a nice city, I liked the contrast between where the werewolves were living and there. Thanks again for your feedback :)
(Signed) · Date:
07/08/12 5:17 · For:
Poor Remus! I think he spoke up too soon. Steve sounded normal enough- if Remus had just gotten to know him better, I think he could have been able to help Steve.
But, great story! It's nice to know what was going on with the werewolves- and disgusting Greyback. That werewolf had better never come near me!!!!!
Author's Response: Thanks -- yeah I wrote this story very quickly, and I think I should've sat down and paced it a bit more before submitting. I found this topic quite intriguing, so I'm pleased you liked it :)