Reviews For Underground
Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 07/09/12 1:34
Chapter: Underground

Hi there,
I think you did a good job with something we know almost nothing about - Remus's covert operations with other werewolves. It must have been awful, and that opening scene with Greyback really conveyed that.
I liked the first person point of view, esp. when Remus asked for the cigarette. Somehow, I could see that being a coping mechanism for him. The memory of Peter seemed a bit random, though: it didn't fit into any sequence of thoughts or events here, even though I'm sure he thought it often enough. I thought his brief thoughts of Tonks seemed more appropriate given what else was going on in his life at this time, and made his story even sadder, knowing he gave her up for that brief time.
I thought finishing with Molly was a great idea, because don't we see Remus talking to Molly at some point in the books? If not, I can totally picture it.
My only suggestion would be to take your time with more things. This could have easily been twice as long, and not just in word count, but in a bit more character development for both Remus and the werewolf he's trying to turn, Steve, and also in plot, as Remus joins this pack, observes it, and gets to know Steve before revealing his real purpose. Grabbing this man's hand and Apparating seemed far too rushed in particular. So a bit more here and there would have definitely developed it all even better. Maybe he succeeds with the next pack? :)
Good job, and good luck with your future writing!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you. Yeah, I see what you mean about the Peter reference. I was trying to make it lead on from Greyback attacking a rat, but reading it back I don't think I made the jump explicit enough. Thanks for the feedback on development: it's something I really need to work on actually, my stories always seem to have room for that little bit more that I just don't write in. :/ Thank you again for the lovely review :)

Reviewer: goldensnidget92
Date: 07/08/12 11:51
Chapter: Underground

I was intrigued by the summary of this fic, and although I don't read as many Dark/Angsty fics as I do others, I enjoyed this, and thought it was very well written. I feel like very little emphasis is put on Remus's time with the werewolves in the books, so it was interesting to read more about it. Although I was initially unsure about the 1st person narrative - and that's just me, not a comment against your writing - I came to appreciate the direct view into Remus's mind.

I thought your depiction of Greyback at the beginning was fantastic: you only used a sentence or two, yet still managed to convey the full sense of horror and disgust that surrounds him. That was particularly excellent. I also liked the character of Steve, especially the line about him clinging to himself to remind himself that he was real. It was an interesting look at how being a werewolf affects someone's identity and the way they see themselves: would he think of himself as a monster? Perhaps that's something you could explore more? I think that could be a fascinating theme.

I liked how you included the idea that they're all outsiders, and I wanted to read a bit more about that! I would also like to say that I LOVE that Remus came from Cambridge - it's my home town too!

I thouht the final scene with Molly closed the story very well, as it emphasised the idea of Remus living a double life. It also ended on a hopeful note, with the implication that things could get better for both Remus and the Wizarding World. The final line was both poignant and uplifting, if that makes sense!

So overall, I really enjoyed this fic, and I hope this review helped!! I'm looking forward to see what else you write.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm pleased you like Steve, I came up with him a couple years ago but never got the chance to write him into a story, but I enjoyed writing about him here. And yay for Cambridge -- it's such a nice city, I liked the contrast between where the werewolves were living and there. Thanks again for your feedback :)

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/08/12 5:17
Chapter: Underground

Poor Remus! I think he spoke up too soon. Steve sounded normal enough- if Remus had just gotten to know him better, I think he could have been able to help Steve.
But, great story! It's nice to know what was going on with the werewolves- and disgusting Greyback. That werewolf had better never come near me!!!!!

Author's Response: Thanks -- yeah I wrote this story very quickly, and I think I should've sat down and paced it a bit more before submitting. I found this topic quite intriguing, so I'm pleased you liked it :)

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
James and Me by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Annabel is having a bad day. Her sudden and unexpected meeting with a face from...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
It Takes Two to Tango by lucca4 3rd-5th Years
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break...
In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds...
Can't Fight the Moonlight by Acacia Carter 6th-7th Years
A life-changing disaster at work drives Neville Longbottom to seek aid from...
The History Teacher by iLuna17 6th-7th Years
Maybe he didn’t just love history, maybe he loved being a history teacher.
white on white by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Three vignettes about scars, love, and sex.