Reviews For A Black at Heart
Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 12/29/13 17:53
Chapter: Chapter Four: Tea Time

Hi, Bijou. This is Vicki of Slytherin House. Your story sounds familiar to me; I must have read it before, but didn’t leave a review. So now I will make up for that.

You have packed a lot of story into less than 9,000 words, which means that every sentence contributes to the furtherance of the narrative, and there are no wasted digressions into stuff unfocused on the main plot. The dialogue is tight, not repetitive or rambling; it gets to the heart of the matter. All this gives your story a good pace. I also like your usage of different locations (Grimmauld Place, the Aurors’ Office, Hogwarts School, Elizabeth’s house) because the frequent change of scene keeps the story lively.

You capture our interest right away by opening with a mystery, the stash in the hidden attic. We can all relate to the thrill of potential discovery. (Yesterday I went to an exhibit of historic photographs printed from glass negatives found in a cardboard box in an attic.) The discovery of the letters moves directly into a detective story, and finally into a love story. There’s something in this story for every reader’s taste. It ends with still another development, a surprising twist: the previously unknown love child turns out to be someone Harry knows. So there is a lot of structure in this one-shot story, more than many authors manage to create. That is impressive.

The love story gains some originality by being told in flashbacks, old letters, and reminiscense. I enjoyed this because love stories can all start sounding alike, and by treating your story this way, you make it a little different. I must say, I was irritated at Sirius for being so heedless: on their last night together he romanced his 17-year-old girlfriend without the slightest thought of the consequences, much less any precautions, and he deserved to be blamed for that, even though Elisabeth most forgivingly did not blame him. But it is his fault, not the author’s; you are merely reporting what he did.

I like the way you develop little sections of the story, such as the relationship between the grandparents and Elisabeth’s mother, and later with Elisabeth herself. There are many such little sections, and they really put the meat onto the skeleton of the story.

Hopefully you will continues writing, because I see real potential here. The important features, such as plot, pacing, suspense, development, are all here. Nice job.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I am so glad that you enjoyed it and were able to appreciate the details and effort that I put into it. Constructing every plot line and ensuring that things were properly introduced and tied up was a difficult job, so I am grateful that it did not fall on deaf ears. With each story I write I learn a little more and more about writing fiction, which really is not my forte, and I do intend to continue writing. I have been formulating a story for over a year now, which I am still not sure if I will write as fan fiction or as an actual novel-like book. I might do some more Harry Potter stories in the coming months to publish here. Thank you again for your review!

Reviewer: Erised1433
Date: 09/20/12 7:08
Chapter: Chapter One: A Discovery in the Attic

Great premise. Any idea when an update is on its way?

Author's Response: I'm not sure if you've seen the other chapters or not (there are three up so far), but the fourth, and possibly final, I haven't decided yet, chapter should be up by the end of October.

Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 09/19/12 16:52
Chapter: Chapter Three: Old Memories

Sad and beautiful!!

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 09/19/12 16:09
Chapter: Chapter Three: Old Memories

I have just found this story and I am hooked.

Reviewer: Lost_Robin
Date: 07/31/12 17:31
Chapter: Chapter Two: Secrets from the Past

This is a rather interesting premise. I thought that the letter Sirius wrote in the first chapter was a little OOC, but the rest is good so far. I hope to reasd more soon.

Author's Response: Regarding the letter: I know, it killed me writing that because I just couldn't picture it, but when I remembered how kind he was as a godfather to Harry, it seemed a little bit more realistic. Who knows, Sirius may really have been a closet romantic!

Reviewer: MP_HP
Date: 06/30/12 4:38
Chapter: Chapter One: A Discovery in the Attic

Difficult to say what comes next. Good way to start. Keeping the curiosity high. I'll be back for Chapter 2

Reviewer: crbluvsravenclaw
Date: 06/28/12 21:29
Chapter: Chapter One: A Discovery in the Attic

This first chapter was a tease to the next chapters, haha(:. I want to know what happens, but it's not until the next chapter. Nice work on this one, though. I guess you could say there is a cliffhanger. Keep writing!(:

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
BTSK by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Hermione daydreams about Tom Riddle...or perhaps Draco Malfoy.Written for the...
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...
CATEGORIES