Reviews For Crush
Reviewer: psijupiter
Date: 10/21/13 1:24
Chapter: Prologue - Discovery

I think this is a really interesting start. I seems very much like a ordinary crush-on-a-teacher situation (who hasn't been through that embarrasing moment?!) However the reactions of the older generation intrigue me and I wonder exactly what is going to happen! There is of course the complication of the friendships between the adults involved.

A few small things: I find it can be helpful to put in some sort of break before the text of the story itself, just to stop the story notes running into the start of the story - visually I personally just find it neater and easier to read.

I also found it odd that they called the two recent wars the first and second wizarding war. There was at least one war before them and I can't believe they're haven't been other wars. I guess I would put an additonal descriptive word in there, even if it just the First/Second Great Wizarding War, to distingush them. I am interested to see how Lily learning about her parents/relatives actions in the war affect her and her crush. There is the potential for a fair amount of conflict and emotional distress given how fresh and recent the war will be for those who were involved in it.

The characters feel reasonably well fleshed out, particularly Lily obviouly! I think the first person will work well as I can see much of the conflict/plot progression happening around Lily's thoughts and feelings rather than a lot of action. I liked Lily's musing on Neville and his hands ... it worked really well as a kind of 'oops, that went further than I thought!' moment for Lily. ;)

Look forward to seeing more!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Apothecary and the Bane by Icarus Unbound 1st-2nd Years
The apothecary receives a visitor in the wizarding slums of London.
M.I.T.: Entente Cordiale by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
FEATURED
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...
CATEGORIES