Goodness gracious, there are so many innuendos! Or perhaps not... :)
This reminds me of the song "Rock the Boat," although that song is more about the ups and downs of relationships rather than sexual situations. Still, the concept is fabulous here. You took an idea of love that isn't altogether "new" and you made it rather fresh. Very nice.
I wish I could review more, but I am so not an expert in this kind of theme, so I will just leave you with my praise. Keep it up, minna! ~Nagini
Minna, this poem took my breath away. I’d missed it when you posted it in Who Arted? and so when it appeared in the queue I was amazed. What I love about it is how sensual and romantic it is, and while it is Fleur and Hermione, the emotions felt could be applicable to any couple who feel thrown into a relationship they do not understand and were not prepared for.
Also you have the prose poem form written beautifully. This is particularly impressive since I know how you usually have a set structure for your poetry, and your prose (at least the ones I’ve read, but may be wrong) tends to be quite elegantly, rather than poetically, written, and so the fact you’ve pulled that off in prose, is incredibly impressive.
The central metaphor of love or lust being in the ocean is such a powerful one, and I’ve never seen it developed the way you have here. I love that they go from being in the sea, and you describe the breakers “splintering the last remnant of sense they’d been floating on”, after you’ve described them as adrift, because they are already falling in the reader’s mind’s eye, but here you describe the act of that falling apart.
What I love most is the tone. The sensations you describe are so passionate, and so exciting, and yet it’s always with love and attention to detail and such a positive attitude, even when they have no control as “they’re pulled into its uncharted waters.” I also love the fact that they are in this together, and neither is leading the other on, but they are both a victim of their own emotions and lusts. I also love the way you conflate the imagery of sexual passion and the sea in the last paragraph, with the phrase “as the sun rises over the storm-tossed sheets” which is such a succinct and beautiful image.
I also love the structure. The poem has rhythm, and flows so elegantly, and I think as two single sentences works absolutely perfectly. The first sentence carrying over to the second paragraph means that there’s a sensation of it building up towards something, paralleling Fleur and Hermione having sex, and when it’s over, I love how although bewildered, there is no doubt that they cannot go back, and yet there are no regrets.
I love that this is optimistic at the end. The idea of falling in love being as going through the ocean, and then finding itself in a place it never expected to be, but loved, is such a beautiful one, and the perfect ending to a beautiful poem.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. :D Honestly prose poems = basically the sort of really flowery prose I have indulged in on occasion but never been able to carry into full fic form, plus a little extra imagery through in cos why not. It's hard to sustain for more than a few paragraphs, I think. Also, I cannot respond coherently to all the praise in this. Suffice to say this is a lovely review and made me melt into a puddle of squee. <33
Such beautiful language. I'm hard pushed to find my favourite part to quote without copying the whole poem, but it's really the whole imagery of the sea and the way the poem ebbs and flows as I read it, that sets this apart. There is so much sensuality and forbidden passion in so few words.
Lovely. Sorry this review is inadequate, but I'm reeling from this beautiful poem. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you. And the review is not inadequate, it made me smile. :DD