I think this goes to show that you should follow your first, gut instinct. If Stewart had left like he wanted to he would've still seen thestrals.
CAROLE. This is impossibly overdue. Horrendously so, but here, at last, is an inadequate and squeeful review of a story which I forgot to nominate for a QSQ. I apologise, for that, and the delayed review, but you probably know why. Anyway this took my breath away when I read it. Particularly when Orla notices his black eyes--which was just cruel of you, ha. I loved the conversational style of the narration--it just felt so smooth and natural and intimate. And their relationship--with so much pain in tehir lives, but the way that they find each other and it's so romantic and sad AND THEN YOU KILL HIM. I was close to tears the first, second and third times I read it. It's just so beautiful, and how they both leap off the page when they are effectively OCs--you just invest them with so much personality so quickly--it's amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's a great story and I love it. Alex
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. I am sorry about killing him. This started off as a very different type of story and I wasn't going to kill anyone because that always makes me sad, but then some spirit of DeathLexity overtook me and it went all angsty - eeeep. I cried writing it, btw, because I never kill people (okay, I killed Lucius but he's a meanie pants). So glad you enjoyed it ~Carole~
You take completely peripheral and new characters and make them so real! But it was really really depressing. Wonderful, moving, beautiful and all that, but depressing.
Author's Response: Ah, my love, I tell you I did actually cry a little when i wrote the last set of lines. there was a definite moment when I hated myself because I don't like killing people (apart from Lucius, but I don't like him) , but the story was for my friend Alex (welshdevondragon) who we call DeathLex, and I know she has a penchant for not-such-happy endings. Sorry :( ~Carole~
I loved this, Carole, even though it's very sad.
The style was really interesting - I loved the repetition and the rhythmic nature of it, it worked really beautifully. I also loved the contrast between longer sentences/paragraphs and then really short ones, eg Stewart died. Caught with a ricocheted spell, his black eyes dulled before Orla could reach him.
One of the fifty.
I also loved the idea of wings and how you tied that in with Thestrals - which for these characters symbolise grief and freedom and dreams.
I also loved their characterisations - you made them both different, but in a subtle way, they both seemed to belong to Ravenclaw in the most obvious way. As in, what I'm trying to say is that you could have gone for the 'they don't belong' angle by making them both really brave and rash and foolhardy... but instead you showed a subtler difference. I think that is interesting, because you can't really class people into 4 personality types. I also liked how Orla had been a hatstall, and that she did have a moment of rash Gryffindor bravery, which ultimately cost her everything she loved... that was very interesting in terms of her character (not that I'm saying I blame her for Stewart's death, but that is why it happened).
I loved the last two lines Both had seen Thestrals.
Now only one could. That almost made me cry... it's just written perfectly. If you'd written something longer, I don't think it would have had the same impact it does like this.
Anyway, as you can probably tell by my rather long review... I loved this.
Author's Response: yaya, Katrina, thank you very much for the review. The style, I agree is different, and I was aware as I wrote it that it was starting to come across as a prose poem. I did cut some lines and phrases which had made it seem more of a patois piece rather than a story. (I had a recurring phrase 'that bitch Bellatrix' but it didn't fir with the rest of the narrative)
Orla and Stewart are canon Claws, but I needed them to be a little different, and Ravenclaws to me are ones who 'prize' intelligence and are curious, not necessarily the ones who are brightest. Stewart i think had curiosity of his own thoughts (like Luna) and Orla thought intelligence was important and that came uppermost in her thoughts - but she was also creative, (a bit like Luna too). So, I'm pleased you picked up on that.
Thanks again ~Carole~ Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing and enjoying even though it was a sad story. :( ~Carole~
This was so sad! But, as usual, you did a great job AND managed to make me feel depressed (in a good way, if that makes sense).
Author's Response: I was sad too, especially when I wrote the last set of lines. :( . Glad you sort of enjoyed it and thank you very much for leaving a review. ~Carole~
i love how you tied everything together like that, brilliant job, i am in awe of your writing skills!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and compliments. This was a little different from my usual things, so I'm glad you liked it. ~Carole~
Oh. My. Gooooodddd.
That was just fantastic. Tiny moments of canon fleshed out to become that... Wow.
Your use of language and symbolism in this was just breathtaking. Thestrals as a symbol for grief/freedom, a thestral's wings/wishing to grow your own/feelings wingclipped, being a Ravenclaw/flying higher than any eagle... I could go on and on. Just beautiful.
I also loved the repetion of "Orla and Stewart/Stewart and Orla", it made this entire piece feel almost like poem with its cyclical structure.
But I didn't want him to die! That was evil! I mean, I guess they were doomed but still. Did Orla ever recover? Please, tell me she did. Pleeease?
I'm now going to read it again.
Author's Response: Thank you! You, know when I first started writing this, I had a very definite rhythm in my head which kept drumming at me and it was going to be more of a prose poem rather than a story. But as the plot developed (what little of the plot there is) I had to scarifice certain lines because it became too 'narrated' and not a 'read' story. (not sure this makes sense.) I had two or three lines, for instance, referring to 'that bitch Bellatrix' , but it was too rhythmic - sort of - ha ha.
Anyway, that's a long winded reply. OOOH, does Orla recover? I don't know. I think she will because she kept her dreams around her for too long and one day they'll find their wings again.
Yeah, sorry about Stewart. I admit when I wrote the last section of lines I actually came over a bit tearfil. I hate killing people and unhappy endings, but Alex is DeathLex - *sigh*
Thanks again ~Carole~