Hi Ashleigh. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, and I am happy to review your poem because it has a lively sparkle, a spirit.
Your poem moves forward at a vigorous pace, a balanced combination of action and reflection, and it is easy to envision the scene described in the first ten lines. The hippogriffâ€™s mind is pretty simple to understand; it wanted to be free, and finally it took off.
The second ten lines, comparing the girl to the animal, properly show an increased complexity. The girl is more intellectually advanced than the hippogriff, and for her the issue is not quite so simple, as you outline. But she has received inspiration from a single brief act. Life is often like that â€” a single random experience is the turning point for a significant life change.
I like the way you have indented lines nine and ten, and again lines nineteen and twenty. They visually distinguish the two halves of the poem and emphasize that they are the summaries of the message of the poem.
You say that you had to put a lot of work into this poem. Yes, a poem of this sort doesnâ€™t just flow out of your pen as the finished version; it takes a lot of hammering into shape. But isnâ€™t it satisfying when it finally takes form? I hope you will keep on writing. Good luck.
I will be the first review, because I am a review fairy, and just have to leave behind reviews!
I love the message this conveyed- I think you could have played around more with the structure, though. Don't be afraid to break up the lines in between the sentences! When you do, you emphasize certain words and ideas. In the format it is right now, it seems more like prose, which is fine, and still poetic, but I think this poem would have worked well with the structure divided up on a different way.
That being said, I still enjoyed the poem! Have you thought of joining Poetry Anyone? in the beta forums? People over there will be able to give you more constructive critiques, and you will find that their advice really helps your poetry become flawless! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for being the first reviewer! I figured I needed a more optimistic poem to balance out the last one, so I came up with this. Although I've always loved the type of poems that rhyme, they've always been very difficult for me. Occassionally experimenting with rhymes is fun, but I'm finding that the non-rhyming type is probably more my style. I could definitely work on the structure more, and I might play with that a little more next time. I really appreciate your advice with that. And I've definitely thought about joining Poetry Anyone in the very near future, so hopefully I'll be a part of that soon. :) Thanks again for the review! ~Ashleigh