This is an interesting poem based on the aftermath of the Battle. The survivors must feel guilt for living whilst others died, and I think you’ve captured this very well. These lines, especially, sum up their sadness for me:
We can’t close our eyes.
We can’t stand the dark.
The quite deafens us.
Memories paralyse us.
Although, I think you mean ‘quiet’ and not ‘quite’ there.
But inside us it never ends.
We are all haunted.
Haunted by what we did,
What we didn’t do.
I thought that this was a powerful stanza that really brings the horrors of the Battle and war home to the survivors because none of them will ever be all right, not really. I wasn’t sure about the punctuation, though. I think, to make sense grammatically, you’d have been better off using either a comma or a dash after the first ‘haunted’. The full stop turns the next two lines into a fragment rather than a sentence. I also wondered if you’d considered enjambment, so not all the lines start with a capital letter. Capitals tend to make me pause as I read a poem or story, and it might assist the flow if some lines started with lower case letters.
That is very much a personal preference, though, and I did enjoy the poem. Well done. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Carol. I see there were some errors and areas for improvment. I appreciate the constructive crit. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem overall, though. Sorry for the late response.
Ooooooo! This was awesome! I especially enjoyed the second to last stanza- haunted by what we did, what we didn't do. It sends chills up my spine! I never liked guilt, but this type of guilt I'm sure would cause people to go crazy...
Author's Response: This is the first thing I wrote after returning from a very long hiatus. It sort of just came to me. I've always wondered how the survivors could really move on after the war, especially the ones who have seen so much violence.
Wow. This is really powerful! I love how it applies to any of the remaining characters that fought in the war. Well done. ~MJ
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm glad you thought it could apply to any of the survivors, as that was my goal. So often everyone only thinks of the characters in terms of which side they fought for. When it comes down to it, they are all only human. I really appreciate the review. :)