This is lovely.
I can see why you would want to re-work it with your greater experience now, but that is really because it is such a good draft, let us say, that it must be obvious to you where you would like to add things, or make them a little less obvious.
As it is, it is very vivid, and I think it is a fitting tribute to Rickman to link it - he could have pulled off the subtlety necessary to make this really moving on screen.
Author's Response: Thank you! :) Yes, as I look back at it, there are so many little things I could tighten up or add. But I do agree that Rickman could pull off the softer side of Snape (we do see a little of it in the movies!). I almost want to expand this story, but I think I might go a little crazy with it, hahaha. Thanks for taking the time to read and review! I'll be sure to have a look at your story, too. :)
I really liked the way it showed the two of them when they were young, since that's my favorite part in the books. The way Lily was so... well, innocent, was really sad. Overall, great story. Among your stories, this is the first one I read, and I'm happy to find that I have someone else to add to my favorite author list.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I am extremely glad you liked this, and it makes me want to write more one-shots. :) Keep reading.
Very good. I liked the contrast between the happiness and innocence of the first part of the story and the anguish and remorse of the last part. Captured the characters well.
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! It makes me all bubbly inside to know that people are still reading and enjoying some of my older stories on the archives. ;) Keep reading!
I just realized I hadn't read any of your stories, just your poetry, and was curious. I ended up in tears!! This was really...I want to say sweet, but it wasn't, really. It was sad! D': I am impressed.
Author's Response: Thank you, theloonyhermione!!!!! :) I have grown as a writer since this piece, but I am still happy with it, since it features two of my favorite characters! Keep looking out for all my work- it will keep rolling in. :) And I will be sure to read yours. ~Nagini
There goes my heart, it is broken in two.
But anyway, overall good story. There are little things with odd punctuation, a few mistakes, but not much. What I do recommend is looking up the correct uses of ellipses and dashes.
Moving on, I loved this. Good job.
Author's Response: I hope your heart can heal. Thank you so much for your review! :)
Nice story, though I did wonder why Lily worried about dying young and about dementors coming after her. The ending was really good.
Author's Response: Why, thank you! :) I decided I have Lily worry about those things, since she already worries about dementors in the canon stories for doing magic outside of school, even if she hasn't started school yet. As for dying young, I think there might be quite a few people who sometimes worry about that, and Lily seemed a good candidate for that since she feared she wouldn't be able to fit in well and do magic well, either. Perhaps, though, she didn't dwell on it, but it is rather ironic that she did die young later, party because of Snape. I thought this short story was a good way to try to understand Snape better, and also explore a younger Lily. I'm glad you liked the ending! Thanks again for your review!
THANK YOU!!!(: I was wondering did you get my last email?
Author's Response: *laughs* Goodness, you are very social! Yes I did! I'll be sure to follow up on it! Good luck! :D
WOW! That was so sweet and touching! I feel so bad for Severus, but the good thing about this sad story is that you gave me an idea for a story. So I thank you for that!!!(: I really wished Severus never joined Voldemort, that way Voldemort would never have known about the prophecy and Snape would have his Lily eventhough she married James. Overall great job and I can't wait to read more of what you have!!!(:
Same rating, btw, haha!!!(:
Author's Response: I'm glad you found this sweet! I think it still had some dark moments... I'm super excited that it gave you an idea and I can't wait to see what you do with it! I'll keep a lookout for your stories! And I'll be sure to leave you flattering reviews like the ones you have given me! *smiles and leaps for joy*
Wow.....i nearly cried after your story! So sad....but brilliant!
Author's Response: Thank you for your sweet review! I hope it didn't make you too sad... :D
This was a really different side of Severus that I saw... very emotional and soft, but I think it's in character because that's really very much how he felt about Lily in the memories he shared with Harry. I think I would have appreciated more of a context for the story, which you could show us through Severus' emotions--for example, is this when he's convinced himself that he should defend Harry? Is he already defending him at Hogwarts, how does he feel about that? Basically I feel like this memory and the attached emotions could have occurred to Severus at any point after the death of Lily until his own death, which is over 15 years of time! A little more context--and perhaps a reason why this particular memory came to Severus at whatever moment it did--would flesh out this story and give the emotions and characterization even more complexity and depth. Good work, dear author, and without further ado, write on! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for your awesome review! You said that context would have been useful, and I can see your point. When I was writing the story, though, I forsaw this problem, and felt that trying to put some context would deter the flow of the story. I felt that this story, however, occurred before Harry went to Hogwarts, and most likely happened when Dumbledore asked Snape to protect Harry that fateful night, because having to make that promise again would probably spark this memory. Or perhaps it could have happened when Snape found out that Harry was destined to die young, just like his mother. I hope, though that a lack of context doesn't turn your attention away from what the story was about. And maybe I will change the story later to fit in context... Thanks again for your review! I enjoy them a lot! :) ~Nagini
Awwww! This is such a sweet (well, I suppose bittersweet) piece. I think my favourite part was when Severus promised Lily that he'd keep her safe. Keep up the good work! :)
Author's Response: Why thank you, Hypatia! I'm glad to see that you enjoyed it, and happy you liked Sevrus' promise, because that's my favorite part, too. I think we all want someone to make a promise to us that we'll be safe, and by writing this scene only confirmed how humonoid Snape really is for me. :)
ps, you have a great name! People with that name must be brilliant... ;)
Author's Response: Why thank you! I've always loved Tom Riddle, and Nagini interests me as a character. I've been trying to write a story about them, but it's more hard work than I thought! Thanks again for the post script. It made my day! :)
This is truly beautifully heart wrenching. The characterization is absolutley perfect! Well done!
Author's Response: You have no idea how happy i am to hear that! I just happened to be listening to the song the title was based of off, and I thought to myself, "Lily died young, and it was partly Severus' fault, although he had no idea who the prophesy was about." It really started me on the brainwave of, "Why did Snape feel so guilty? He loved her, but his betrayal wasn't much of one- he even tried to save her before she died!" You might disagree with me on this, but I've always felt that Snape was too hard on himself. Then again, aren't we all sometimes? Anyways, i asked myself the same question Lily asked Snape, and it sparked my brain- Lily, who was a little intimidated by the new world she was about to enter, should voice some more of her fears to her best friend. It worked out great that Snape made that promise- and then fell back on it. It makes me so sad, and I have to admit, I felt myself like crying and wrenching my heart out. Thanks for your review! I hope to see more of you in the future- especially in your own stories. :)