MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
04/19/13 18:51 · For:
I read this story when it was first posted, and should have reviewed it then, but better late than never.
I am impressed by the good descriptions all around, of the actions and interactions at the Potter house in Godwin Hollow, the neglected yard, the baby throwing the wand against the wall, and so on. You captured well Lily's severe stress from the threat of You-Know-Who, from being virtually imprisoned in her house (with an uncertain future and no end in sight), and now from the loss of her mother.
I also like the depiction of Dumbledore. Although he knows that going to the funeral involves a big risk, he does not forbid Lily to go and he even brings the Invisibility Cloak for her to use. He leaves the final decision to her, without a long conversational harangue. But was it realistic to think that she could actually go to the funeral without talking to any of her own family? When Lily returns, Dumbledore chides her for taking the risk of revealing herself to Petunia, but after a sentence or two he lets the matter drop. I liked that.
I loved the brief description of her town, her house, and the mourners and the funeral. It was just right, not too much or too little.
The blow-up between Petunia and Lily was wonderful. Again, not too much or too little. It seemed very realistic, making clear the depth of the animosity that Petunia had built up toward Lily, ever increasing over the years, as resentment bred resentment, topped off by what seemed the final blow, her mother's asking for Lily on her deathbed.
On top of the old sibling rivalry is superimposed, in Petunia's mind, the terrible stress of taking care of sick and dying parents, a job that, in real life, typically gets foisted off on one of the children and creates bitterness toward the other siblings who got off scot-free. Petunia is far beyond any openness; she will never let bygones be bygones.
The chilling part of this story is that we know (but Lily does not) that in a few months her beloved son will be sent into the care of this woman who will continue the battle for years, not with an adult sister but with a defenseless child.
Dumbledore mistakenly believes that his relationship with Aberforth is a good yardstick to measure Lily's relationship with Petunia. He was not in that church. He did not see their confrontation. He does not know.
There is a timeline problem. James tells Lily that her mother died "yesterday", Wednesday, May 20th, and that Mrs. Jenson saw the obituary in the newspaper "yesterday" and mailed it to them. The obit would not be published on the same day that Mrs. Evans died. Then Lily says that she will attend the Saturday funeral "tomorrow morning", so this day must be Friday, Mrs. Evans died two days ago, not yesterday, and the obit was published on Thursday morning and immediately cut out and mailed by Mrs. Jenson, to arrive today (Friday). James is obviously mixed up about what day today is; it's Friday the 22nd, and he thinks it's Thursday the 21st. Easy to do if you are cooped up in the house all day, day after day, and don't go to a regular job.
One other hint: the story says "...it donned on her..." What you want is "...it dawned on her..." "Donned" means "he put on clothing," as in "he donned his hat and coat."
All in all, a good story, and it contributes to the understanding of why Petunia behaved as she did when Harry was put in her care. Nicely done.
(Signed) · Date:
07/01/12 19:53 · For:
Sooooo sad!!! Pretty good story, too! The ending seemed happy but actually turned out sad because Dumbledore was wrong.
(Signed) · Date:
05/21/12 13:23 · For:
I really like this one. It gives a very good explanation of the rift between Petunia and Lily. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you! =