Chapter 2: The Kiss
Poor Elphinstone. He can’t win for losing. Your story is, so far, the first two chapters of an expected multi-chapter fiction, though I wonder if we will ever learn how it turns out. The two chapters you have given us so far show Elphinstone as a youngish man and then as an old man, relentlessly wooing Minerva McGonagall but getting nowhere. The extended canon tells us that she eventually did marry him, so I suppose that the persistence with which you have characterized him did finally pay off. I’m not sure who is waiting for morning but he sure is waiting for Minerva.
I am surprised that you write Elphinstone as a person incapable of managing his personal affairs very well, and certainly not his relationships with other people. I cannot help comparing him with characters in your other stories who, though exhibiting normal human flaws are more in control of their lives. Elphinstone reminds me of the comedian whose signature line is “I don’t get no respect.”
Elphinstone’s various meetings and encounters with so many canon characters, and a few non-canon ones, brings to mind the image of a silver ball in a pinball machine, randomly bouncing off posts and bumpers in a seemingly uncontrolled way; the presence of these characters provides some stability to the narrative, and the many descriptive details give a vividness to a story whose arc is not plain (yet).
I am left wondering if you will someday finish this story and show us how your protagonist manages to take charge of his life, or whether he will be left wandering forever.
Chapter 2: The Kiss
Just read both chapters and I'm hooked. The way I see it a good story should pull you in to a point where you forget the world around you and you're standing right there with the main characters! You've done that!!! Love it!!
Author's Response: Wow. What can I say? Thank you. I'm glad that you're enjoying it. This review has made my day. I'm glad you're enjoying the characters and I hope that you continue to read this. Thanks for the review.
Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus
Chapter 1: The Other Woman
I hope you're good. I think before I get to the review itself I need to say how sorry I'm to have been so unavailable since my exams. My internet had got disconnected on the morning of my last exam and now my poor machine of two and a half years is at the repair shop for an untimely visit. I felt so miserable on the 16th being unable to reach you.. So here it is now: happy belated birthday and I hope it was a good one.
Though this is also an unrelated bit to the review, I loved your dedication. I havent been checking my mails and didnt know you had updated, it came as a nice surprise. It was a beautiful dedication and makes me want to know more about the people who you have been close to.
This story was such a joy to read, my first in several weeks. It has an underlying humour and wit reminiscent of your Andromeda fic set on a Halloween night in the Marauder Era. If I remember correctly it was a spew thing and was well written and was full of scenes that made me laugh. This story too like the halloween fic had moments of black comedy. I dont know if this term is used for literature, I'm only sure of the films. But it just seemed appropriate here. Elphinestone is a rather new character and i've to admit I havent been serious towards him or found myself endeared to him, even after reading him in several of your chapters. Newness mainly has something to do with it and his obvious absence from the novels. But I have loved this light hearted foray into his world, woven world I must say because once again you amaze me by bringing together the unlikeliest of characters in a single chapter and make it seem like it was meant to be! In a very short appearence I have grown fond of of Mitch whose characteristic comedy and suggestive, gossip like way of speaking is a beautiful match to Rosmerta's dialogue in POA with the Hogwarts teachers in the three broomstick. It felt to me like one characterisation was derived from the other.
You havent described Elphinestone but his voice has a boyish charm to it or should I say enthusiasm. Maybe I have extrapolated this from his continued attempts at wooing Minerva. He's likeable and quiet different from the way you have written Ben and Leo before him. Three male characters and three amazingly distinct pairing with Minerva. How do you manage dear lady?
I've loved very much certain parts of the imagery described in this story. One very obviously was the ending paragraph. What is it about me unable to resist written descriptionf of when it rain. Actually I think I can't resist rain in any form. I imagined a picture from one of the films where it is night time and the Great Hall is all light up and outside it is wet and black. Beautifully expressed. I also very much like how you begun the second paragraph and delved into those descriptive sentences for a few moments. The transition from the reflection in the first paragraph to this seemed very much like I was reading a page from a published novel. You have narrated this story in a simple way with clever characters. There's some thing about the way it starts and ends that it seems to tie nicely with your dedication but I dont want to read too much into it. I have enjoyed it and imagine you must have felt the same writing it. Thats what matters for now.
I'll write to you soon when I can. Miss my greatest pal. Love,
Author's Response: Akay
I don’t have this review right with me, so hopefully what I put here matches. Your PC bit the dust, that sucks, well, it’s going to look like I blew up your box. My bad. But I’m glad that you enjoyed the piece, really, I’m glad that it was any good. You like Mitchell? Yeah, I do, too, I mean, if you’re going to have a barman in a story, you’d do well to make it memorable. As my sister says, if you’re gonna work in that atmosphere, you’d better be memorable.
Yeah, I really tried to pull off a boyish uh … thing even though Elphinstone is old. I mean, he’s got to be old, and I’m not good at math. Age is a mental state; my grandfather James always said that. Turns out, he was right … but I’m really impressed that you like the character portrayal. I’m really trying not to get her out of character; I say that every time, every single time, and I end up in the same boat. Why do I keep doing this to myself? The rain … yeah, that’s a Hemingway thing for me. But I’m glad that you like it.
I’m hoping to do a Three Broomsticks thing with Rosemerta hitting the bar for the first time. Something with Sirius, if my calendar’s right. Anyway, blah, Mitchell’s still here … being, well, Mitch. I woke up this morning at 0 dark 0630 to draft the second chapter. So, yeah, we’ll see. Thanks for your reviews. Get your PC fixed – I haven’t heard from you in forever and a day. The dedication? That’s coming. The tie – in. I’m so going to have a hard time writing that. Bleh.