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Reviews For If He Had Known

Name: The owl (Signed) · Date: 05/20/12 18:43 · For: If He Had Known - Haikus
I promised you a review, so here I am. I am no poet, but I love reading and analysing poetry, hence me choosing to review this rather than a story. The haiku in your summary made me giggle; you are spot on about sonnets. Anyway, I should probably move on to my actual review now :L

I like your metaphor of sparking into life in the first haiku. It seems hopeful and full of promise, and makes the rest seem sadder by contrast. It is so sad to think of Dumbledore the Gryffindor being afraid to be open about his relationship, but then things were different at the time. I liked how you left “Instead” on the second line. It created a sense of regret and longing, a contrast between ideals and reality.

The third haiku seems a little more awkward, but I don’t know how you could change it. I quite like the old fashioned syntax of “he had not the confidence” though. Moving on to a more hopeful fourth haiku worked well. It stops the piece from getting too sad too soon, and reminded me that Dumbledore was more flawed than we would sometimes like to think.

In the fifth stanza (can I call it that, when it is technically a separate poem?) I really started to get a sense of the conflicts Dumbledore and Grindelwald faced. I think that the sixth stanza (if I am allowed to call it that :P) is my favourite, for its simplicity. The last sentence is quite powerful, because that’s it. It is over for Grindelwald, and there can be nothing between him and Dumbledore now.

I didn’t get the last stanza quite so much. How was Dumbledore true to Grindelwald? Sorry if I am being dense here, but I would have thought that Grindelwald would feel betrayed. Oh, and why the line break between the last two lines? A typo, or something intentional that I haven't understood? I liked how you ended with the name though. It brought the whole piece home nicely.

Overall, I like this and its simple poignancy. It left me feeling saddened, but not depressed, and the touches of happiness smattered through it provided a good contrast. I like seeing what could be a miserable subject retaining some hope. I would like to read more poetry from you. Who knows, you may even manage a sonnet with practice!


Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for the review! About the last stanza/haiku/bit, the true to you was probably just something that fitted, something to reconcile them before heaven. (or in plain thought language: sorry I have no real idea why I wrote that bit like that.) The ending, however, was was intentional. I'm glad you got the name, but the line break was actually there to try to add to the poignancy. I think that you are right about the awkwardness of the third stanza/haiku/bit, but it kind of fits with the haiku itself. I was actually thinking of writing some more poetry soon, so you won't be waiting too long! I'm really glad you liked this, and thanks again for the review!

Name: PeppermintToads (Signed) · Date: 05/20/12 15:54 · For: If He Had Known - Haikus
You've given me such lovely reviews that I thought I'd give one in return! I was a little bit skittish about this story, since in the books I fould the whole Albus/Gellert thing rather heartbreaking. But you did such a great job on this that it was both sad and brilliant. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review. As you could probably tell from the intro, I was going to write a sonnet. Now, many weeks later, I think that haikus were probably just as effective. I'm really glad you liked this. BrokenPromise

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 04/13/12 9:52 · For: If He Had Known - Haikus
I see what you did in your summary - :P .

You managed to tell a good concise story in the haiku form and worked in the emotions of Dumbledore and the pressures he felt falling so blindly in love with Gellert and then had to defeat him.
,br> I agree sonnets are haaaard and very challenging, but haikus aren't that easy either, so well done. ~Carole~

Author's Response: The meaning of the summary was really that I'd intended to do a sonnet, but had found it too difficult. I can just about write haikus, so I chose that instead. Actually, that bit was there to make up word count, so I thought I'd do something creative with it. I'm glad you got the emotions, as I was a bit iffy about putting them in at first. I was unsure about using 2nd person too, but I think it probably conveyed the message better than if I'd used 3rd. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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