Hello! I don’t normally venture into the poetry section, having been utterly terrible at analysing it at school, but I thought I’d give it a try for a change.
First off, I really enjoyed reading this. I love how distilled it is: it’s a short poem, but there’s so much meaning condensed into it. I think this is far more challenging for the poet, but also makes for a more engaging read (although that may be my personal taste; I like short things with lots of scope for detailed discussion). I also like that you made the context you imagined for the poem (ie, the post-Battle) explicit in your Author’s Note; although I probably would have guessed you had that scene in mind, it’s nice that you clarified it. I’m not sure poems always benefit from that, but in this case I feel it did, as it definitely contributed to my feelings as I read it.
I’m curious about the style you chose to narrate this in: I found it reminiscent of the quote JKR included in DH (I don’t have my copy with me… “Bless the children, give them courage now”, I believe it went?) and I’m wondering if that was intentional? If so it was a clever touch, as it really imparted a sense of completeness which complemented the tone perfectly. I also wonder if you had any particular character in mind for the role of the narrator? Obviously it works just fine as an omniscient sort of thing, but I could also relate it to specific characters (when reading it, Mcgonagall popped into my head, although it’s not a perfect match…).
I think this poem also really benefits from being read aloud. I tried this on the third read, and found that I understood it far better: the words you’ve chosen encourage a soft, hushed voice (eg, “heat”, quiet”, and the assonance and repetition sprinkled throughout make it a little more… natural, I think the word is. What I mean is, if you’d had a regular rhyme scheme and set vowel sounds, combined with the strict stanza structure, it would have felt artificial: instead, it ebbs and flows. Although it doesn’t become conversational at any point (as it probably shouldn’t), it felt like something a real person would say, or perhaps whisper to a fellow mourner for comfort.
I must admit, I did struggle with figuring out the metre (that was always the thing I struggled with), especially in the last lines of the stanzas. I think it was the irregularity of the number of syllables (I counted 9, 11, 9?) that confused me, as the rest of the poem was so regular (in terms of stanza length and the way you’d structured the stanzas): was there a reason for that? Or have I mis-counted syllables? Accent makes such a difference with poetry, definitely makes reading aloud even more important!
All in all, I did really enjoy this, even if I did find it tricky at times, so thanks very much for posting it. Perhaps I should attempt poetry more often… :)
Wow...this gave me chills.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. It was inspired by the song "My Love Is Always There" from the Deathly Hallows I soundtrack. YouTube it; it's incredible and hauntingly beautiful. Thank you for your visit. :)
This poem is very ambiguous, and I can see it working as original work! Perhaps adding a more recognizable Harry Potter element? Although, I find it beautiful just the way it is. :) Nice job.
Beautiful poem! Really captures the mood! You're very talented! :)
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think it's one of my better poems of the past six months, so I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so, hehe. Thanks for reading. <3
Very Nice! A beautiful piece of poetry that applies directly to the Battle of Hogwarts and the feelings of the survivors...Loved it
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. It was inspired by the song My Love Is Always There from the Deathly Hallows Part 1 soundtrack. I really recommend tracking it down on YouTube. It's gorgeous. Also, it served as the catalyst of the hymnal feel of this poem.
Thanks for stopping in and for your lovely, kind words. :)
I think it's beautiful. I love poems with form and structure. The repetition in this poem really lends it that structure. It also builds to the end from Still your tears to Hear the song to Take my hand. The two short lines in each stanza give it a nice forward movement as well, especially lost/gained and quiet/cold. This really sounds and feels like a poem written after a war. I could picture it in or on a memorial perfectly. It's really lovely, as are all of your poems. Great job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: I admittedly write a lot of poetry about battle and losses, but I suppose just once I should write something that shows the indomitable human spirit and the will to keep going through the worst of days. It kind of reminds me of the Doctor and how, while people do horrible things, they do great things, too, because they refuse to die and fall to the wayside. I wanted to capture that here.
Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. I'm a stickler for form, so very very very few of my poems (most of which qualify as free verse) have a set rhythm or form because it makes me twitch if they don't, hehe.
Thanks for the visit!