I liked this when it first appeared in the challenge, but stupidly never got around to reviewing. Thank Merlin for the Review Drive for bringing it to my attention!
This challenge was something i really enjoyed doing because it made the poet think about their subject in a different way. I can see that you paid a lot of attention to Petunia because you captured her very cleverly all the way through, with her ‘uniform home’, the way they don’t want to be noticed, and the grudges she still held as a girl. And then - wham - you wrote about being scared of the mirror image and the desperate need to be a runaway kite. That really was a stunning image that you threw in at the end and really made me think about Petunia and the constraints she’s put herself under.
It is very hard to crit poetry because so much of it is subjective, and in truth there is nothing I dislike about this, I would advise you not to write your disclaimer in the story notes, though. Or if you do, you need to leave a space between it and the start of the poem because I read that as the first line and it does detract a little from the overall effect.
Loved this. Well done. ~Carole~
I absolutely adored your punctuation, especially at the end. And it is nice to know that Petunia doesn't always want to be uptight... :) Nice job!
Sorry it took so long to respond. I'm not sure what you mean by adoring my punctuation, though, lol!
Thanks for the review.
Hi there! I have no idea what the Sharp challenge actually was, but I quite like this. I think you've perfectly captured Petunia's character, particularly with the line about how she follows who she must be. I think that is so, so true--and really quite sad. Which you emphasize at the end when she says 'Just once, she wishes to be that naive, runaway kite'. It's a great image for her.
I like the structure and I usually like repetition in poems, but I wonder if 'Petunia Dursley' is repeated a bit too much. I wonder if you started with it, then switched to 'She' a few times, and then came back to it at the end, if that would work. I don't know, it might not, but it's just an idea and something to think about for your next poem!
Lovely job, I enjoyed reading it! ~Gina :)
The Sharp Challenge was when we had to work with metaphors in PA--this poem in particular was based off the actual Iain Sharp poem Julia gave us as an example. I tried to follow the form as much as possible, and in the poem Sharp repeated his full name at the beginning of each stanza. So that's why I used that sort of repetition. I do understand what you're saying, but I did actually mean to repeat it a lot, hehe.
I'm so glad you think I captured Petunia's character right--I think it's hard to characterise well in poetry, so I'm glad you think it worked and that you enjoyed the last line, which was quite hard to write tbh.
Thank youu for reviewing, although it looks like you're going to be the only one so far *sigh*