I'm thinking, isn't that enough? I'm also thinking, "The review box says hello?" I don't hear it saying that... :)
Anyways, I'm not going to write a long review because I want to read your other work! YOU are an awesome author, and I want to get through every story and poem before the month ends. It probably won't happen- you have so much!!!!!! Just keep it flowing, though, so my sick days can be filled with your imaginative words. :) :) :)
Author's Response: OMG. I don't know what to say, except that I am really excited and happy and honoured by your trail of reviews! It means so much to me, that somebody should be willing to want to read more without stopping. THANK YOU for taking the time to review. It's always easier just to walk away, so it means a lot to me that you chose to stay for a few seconds and leave these encouraging words! ~Natalie
Oh wow. That actually made me well up a little. I will try my hardest to keep this coherent and squee-free, but no promises.
I liked the way your descriptions of the moon were so negative, almost bitter ‚Ä“ only Remus would see it like that. I thought ‚Äúpulsates‚ÄĚ and ‚ÄúCurdles‚ÄĚ were particularly well chosen for their negative connotations. The imagery you use is absolutely gorgeous, particularly the metaphor of Remus as a ‚Äúsapling stamped upon‚ÄĚ. Gorgeous hardly seems appropriate for such a sad comparison, but there you are‚Ä¶
I found the fourth stanza particularly chilling; I blanched at ‚Äútourniquet‚ÄĚ. I felt like he was trapped, but then came the fifth stanza which brought so much relief, heightened by contrast with stanza four. The contrast between the second and last stanzas was very effective too, and the layout made the comparison more direct. I found that the repetition of ‚Äúround and round‚ÄĚ made me think of the lunar cycle, and how Remus‚Äô emotions are inextricably linked to it.
Not only was the figurative language perfectly pitched and very emotive, I found the whole thing rather euphonic (thank my English teacher for that word). Sibilance, and onomatopoeia and alliteration and assonance‚Ä¶ This poem has everything! I swear, some of the poems I have studied in school are less effective than this.
I hope that all makes sense, and that I made the review box happy ;)
Author's Response: I don't even know how to reply to this: it is just that amazing. :) You've caught the intent of the poem so freaking well. Remus would hate the moon, which is why the fifth stanza is a moonless night. Everything made sense and warmed my heart. This was a very motivating review, and you made the little box squee!~Natalie
I really liked the layout with the moon stanza and then the Lupin stanza, because it really helped you understand him better. (I hope that makes sense? I'm not quite sure how to put it.) Beautiful poem, with lots of imagery.
Author's Response: Yes it made sense. :) Glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing!
Oh my goodness. I have to say -- and I'll make this short and sweet -- That has to be one of the BEST poems that I have ever read. I am an avid reader of poetry, and I think that this poem is worthy of much praise. Keep up the amazing work!! -Lalaray (Oh, and..er, "Hi," review box. :U )
Author's Response: Thank you! :) That's a high compliment.
Lovely! I love the change from despair to hope through this poem. I like the format as well. The reference to the Marauders is great, as is that fine line of happiness (even if we know it's brief.) Great poem! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: YAY! Stamp of approval from another ME Great! :D Thanks for reviewing! <3
I love the way you've done this. The juxtaposition of the moon with the metaphors is such an effective idea because of the way you use the waxing and waning of each stanza to indicate his change of moods and essence.
The shrieking of the wooden walls,/ The winding of the tourniquets/, The churning of the alibis,/ Round and round and round they go.
The rythm of this particular stanza floored me. Simply beautiful and effortless (although I know you worked on this.)
I LOVE the end. I don;t think I pain much attention to it in your thread (Merkin Forfend!) but the 'Misty Moony is his name' put me in mind of a jaunty man having fun. And that's what Moony was at school, a boy having fun with his fabulous friends. *sob and sigh*
You should write more Marauders. Really, there is always space for your take on things, and I'm sure you would provide something original.
In the space of two poems (your Sirius one as well) you've made me remember why I love the Marauders so much.
Note to self: Natalie is NOT a muse. Natalie is NOT a muse. Natalie is NOT a muse.
It's possible you have Kappa tendencies, though. :P
,br> Well done ~Carole~
Author's Response: I feel all mused up! I'm glad you liked the moon/mood juxtaposition. From the fetal position of the crescent paired with his newfound lycanthropy, the pulsating full moon with his passage into agonising adulthood, and finally the moonless (pink) night with Happy!Remus - this is one of the few poems which I actually planned before typing out. I do have a ME plot in mind :D I'll definitely write it soon!Thanks a million times for the review!
It is poems like this one that prevent me from winning PA challenges. They are just so lovely.
I love the metaphors that you've used here, which was really what the challenge was about. My favourite stanza was def the last, for no specific reason (or a reason that I can't put into words).
If I had a crit it would be the use of the word 'pulsating.' this is because that word reminds me of a sentence like 'the disgusting red blister was pulsating slowly.' And that's what I connotated with that metaphor which is certainly not what you intended :3
This poem is wonderful. Really. Good luck in the challenge, Natalie!
Author's Response: "Pulsating" was used to give you that feeling exactly! It's the full moon, and I think to Remus, the full moon would be the most fearsome and repellent image ever. Thanks for reviewing, Lily, and good luck to you too! :D