Wow. This is so haunting, and so real. It really captures the torment he's going through, the insanity. It's kind of jumbled and a bit confusing, but I think this only strengthens it by showing how he is sort of slipping away from himself, unsure of what to do. Poor, poor Sirius . . . what an awful thing to go through. And the end . . . "That day Sirius stops counting" . . . God, it made me want to cry.
I really liked this: I feel like there are very few stories that look at life in Azkaban. I especially liked the last paragraph, though sometimes I struggled to figure out what was going on. Good job!
The first paragraph here draws you in and sets the mood; fromthe start, it's there. The isolation, the cold drift, the desertion. The Auror visiting him brings a question that I've often wondered maself : How wouold an officer or a Minister not be affected. Especialy when you think of Fudge. The second person works well, Oh, the detail here is not too overdone, but it is a little with the "darkness" but you pull back and redeem yourself here as you continue. The "feeding the jacket to the bin" is that when he first comes in? Just asking. The jumping and blending of days, the loss of sensations sounds intersting; our surroundings are simply that, our surroundings. THe metaphors are a little overdone in the first paragraph, but the thought process brweing there is natural. Seriously, though, would Fudge or the Auror not be affected by the Dementors? Would Sirius not have registered that? Well written and well done.
This is both dark and sad. I thought the imagery of the marks on the wall was well done. The last line was very powerful then, when he stops counting. Devastating, really. Good job getting into the mind of someone in Azkaban. I could feel just how horrible it must have been for him.
~Gina :)
Hi there,
I think it's a calumny that this hasn;t received any reviews, yet, because it's really very good. The way you've written Sirius in that cell is so good. You've packed a powerful story into very few words and your use of imagery is fantastic.
I noticed a small typo in the opening paragraph - you've written 'Tembling' rather than 'Trembling', but that in no way ruined my enjoyment of the story. i say enjoyment, but there's nothing to enjoy about poor Sirius locked in that cell. This felt very raw and real, but beautifully crafted. Well done. ~Carole~
