Back to review again- I really like the meter of this poem! :) It flows very nicely and I enjoyed how "bouncy" it was.
I also love the refrain, and I particularly like how the refrain wasn't overused, and also changed at the end. The refrain was able to wrap the poem together, and also give this sense that Death really wanted to capture these three brothers. Very well done!
1. Stanza 5, line 2: "the gone" doesn't seem to fit well grammatically. I would change "the" to "who'd" to give the sense that the stone is meant to raise those who have passed away, rather than just a category of "gone" people. :)
2. Meterwise, in stanza 7, line 4, there seems to be one syllable too many. I would suggest changing "Never" to "Ne'er," although doing so means you might want to work some other words with deleted syllables into the poem as well to keep it consistent. The tone of "Ne'er" would actually work for this poem, since the story itself is supposed to have happened a long time ago, and when using words like "ne'er" it helps to date a piece.
Other than that, I really enjoyed the poem. :) It was a fun and refreshing way of telling the Tale of the Three Brothers!
Hi! I like your choice of suject - I think you've translated the story into poetry and it definitely works well. I really like the altering stanza lengths, it serves to emphasise the repeating pattern of the brothers's stories.
You have rearranged sentences away from how they would normally be written, like 'never this man could Death disarm' but I think because the poem feels like an old fairytale it works well, and actually adds to the feeling of the poem as a retelling of an old legend.
I like the change to the final repeated stanza, however I did wish there was a little more to emphasise that the last brother embraced death, unlike his brothers. It's the main point of the story and I think would just make the ending that little bit more final.
I also wonder if a bit of punctuation would help the piece to flow a bit better. Not having any commas at all makes every line break a break in the poem, even though some of them flow into each other. I couple of times I found myself rereading a couple of lines to get the flow back.
I really like it overall though, this really fits the feel of the old story and I think you've used rhyme and rhythm reall effectively.
Nice! What a great tribute to the Tale of the Three Brothers. :) I especially liked the repeating refrain and how it changed at the very end. :)
I really love the way this poem is written, especially the repeating stanza. That little change in the last one is so simple, but it also sort of makes the whole poem work at the same time.
I also liked the rhythm. It seemed very natural, and even though you had to rearrange your sentences to make them fit, they never lost their meaning or became confusing. It was really well done and quite lovely.
Author's Response: Thanks! This reply is really late, but I still appreciate the review. I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks again for reading and reviewing!