This is a great first chapter, Lafonna. I think you've built on the epilogue really well, moving everything forward in time but referring back to that moment in the library. I really enjoy your Narcissa because I think you've caught her voice perfectly. She wants to be cold and indifferent and so she is, outwardly so, but her interest in Florean is overwhelming and she just doesn't understand it. Gah. I'm looking forward to you fleshing out Florean more because I feel like we've only scratched the surface with him (durrr it's the first chapter, Julia).
The kite. Hmmm I really liked the parallel between Narcissa feeling tethered to her clearly laid out future and the kite. The kite was set free. What's going to happen to Narcissa, then? I think you have some excellent bones here for a very insightful (and sexy?) fic about Narcissa. And Florean, of course, but I will reserve my theories on him until we see more.
Author's Response: I am extremely pleased you liked my characterisation of Narcissa. She's not as black-and-white as Bellatrix tends to be, and it was a challenge trying to write her youthful self, as well as the transition from the 13-yr-old to the 17-yr-old. I hope that the rest can only be as exciting and sexy.I have a lot more work to do with Florean. Part of the reason why I finished the chapter so shortly was to introduce him and give an idea of what he is like, but not as clear-cut as I do it so with Narcissa. Gah. Writing minor characters really gives me a strange thrill!Thanks for the review and encouragement! <33
OH! Evil Narcissa ... that was the Imperius she cast, was it not? Evil horrible girl, just because he makes you feel things. Hmmm, poor Florean.
I am intrigued by both your characters here. Narcissa is a breath of fresh air because she's so much more than 'just' the future Mrs Malfoy or a Black sister - she's real, desired and despicable - ha ha. I'm not sure about the 10 NEWTs, though. I'm pretty sure Hermione took seven and she'd have taken as many as she could. (This is me being picky and you may hex me)
Love the writing here. You've managed to make both perspectives sound wuite different. Florean is very detailed (discarding the superfluous), Narcissa's parts are quite sensual.
Great job - sorry about the shoddy review. ~Croll~
Author's Response: Oh it wasn't an Imperius Curse. That was Narcissa absent-mindedly saying out loud her desire for the kite to be set free, only Florean does set it free at the exact moment. :D The ten NEWTs was an exaggeration on her part. I don't think she'd be aiming for even five haha.I am excited you like it so far. I hope to do some interesting stuff with this fic. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!
This is a beautiful start and I'm intrigued to see where you go with this. It all felt very, very Narcissa. Her irritation, her insecurities and need for everything to be just so. And the way she feels nauseated at the prospect of him acknowledging her in front of others. Guh I just loved how much you managed to pack into 500 words. Beautiful.
Author's Response: YAY! I won't deny that this review got me writing the first few paragraphs of the main section today :D Thank you, my love!
I love the initial set up here. The fact that she notices him and knows rather a lot about him, but then forgets about him as soon as she leaves the library - it's telling. It's like (excuse me, I'm wandering off on a real life tangent) when you see someone in the street and they're familiar but you can;t place them because they're not in their usual setting.
I'm not sure about Florean here. Obviously we know him primarily from Narcissa's VP, but there seemed to be something about him. Okay, I could be vastly over reading this, but he seemed faintly predatory which is probably not your intention at all.
,br> I need the rest of the story. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Noooo! He's just a teenager in wuv! :3 I started writing this tonight. I have no idea how I'm going to get where I want to get to. Fingers crossed myself D: Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Natalieeeeeeeeeeee. First off, congrats on writing like a madwoman for the GH challenge XD Seriously, I don't know how you do it, lol.
Anyway, though this is only the prologue, I'm already intrigued :) Like Kara, I can definitely relate to Narcissa's social life/behaviour, and I like how, in only about 500 words, you still managed to flesh Narcissa out as a character. Florean is less clear-cut at the moment, but I'm hoping I'll find out a lot more about him in the next chapter.
Anywho, I can't wait for the next update :D
Author's Response: YES. THAT CHALLENGE MADE ME LOOPY lol. I shall finish it soon and I hope you'll like Florean when I do write more of him :D
OMGGG This is a beautiful start! I can't wait to read more -- hope you keep your promise with the week! I already love this so much. I can relate to an extent with Narcissa's social behaviour.
Aaah this is going to be good. Love you like ten thousand ice creams.
Author's Response: I shall finish it quickly! Your wish is my command :)