Hi, MistReader. I have read your one-and-only chapter of Bloodshot Eyes, and would like to comment on it.
The best part of this short chapter is the description of Theador’s first encounter with a werewolf at the age of nine. It is a succinct bit of narrative, but you have included vivid details that make it easy to envision the action, and some unexpected touches, such as the fact that the werewolf turned out to be a boy and that he was later murdered by villagers who burned him in his house.
The story sounds as if you were young when you wrote it. Now almost two years have passed since you posted Chapter 1, and if you were to visit this topic again, you would probably amplify the first four paragraphs, adding more explanation of his investigation of the reports, a longer conversation with the old lady, perhaps another Auror to accompany him, and a more fleshed-out plan of operation for the evening.
Your ending hints at unexplained twists of the plot. We wonder why the bad dreams ended when Theador received his Hogwarts letter. Did something special happen then? We are assuming that Theador will save himself at the last moment from the jaws of the werewolf.
Do you think you will come back to this story?
Interesting story. I wonder if Leonardo Hawk is really dead, tho. One thing I noticed. The plural of werewolf is werewolves - not werewolfs.
Author's Response: And the spelling is, "though" not "tho". ;) I have edited the last few lines. Thank You for reading.