Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 01/04/14 18:04
Chapter: Chapter 3 - A Friendship Forged?

Hi, Agata. This is Vicki of Slytherin House reading your story and commenting on it. I am glad that I have discovered this story because there are many good things to say about it.

I like the alternating viewpoints in the successive chapters. It is good to see the situation from each of the main characters’ point of view, and devoting one entire chapter to each of the characters allows you to explore their viewpoint fully. This really helps in developing their personalities.

I liked the discussion, in paragraph three of the first chapter, of the household atmospheres and sibling relationships in the Weasley and Potter homes, as experienced by Rose and Albus. Surprisingly enough, most next-generation writers that I have read don’t address these issues, at least not as eloquently as you do. Your insights sounded original to me. In fact, all of chapter one is good. I was a bit surprised to discover at the end (the chapter title notwithstanding) that most of it was a reminiscence, but the transition into present time, four years later, was very smooth.

Originality in the ideas of the details that flesh out the story is a really strong point for you. (Hope that sentence wasn’t too convoluted.) It is definitely not the hackneyed “same old stuff”. Here are some good examples: Scorpius and his family car; the gently humorous imaginary headline “Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy seen speaking face to face!); his spunky mother who shakes up the Malfoy family atmosphere. And I really liked that line “He pretended not to have noticed but all that came to mind was, Damn,” when he realizes that he has already given away his thoughts to his mother and it is too late to prevent it; that is such a familiar feeling, to realize that you have let the cat out of the bag.

However, in the second chapter I think the character of Adrianna Parkinson is less successful because she seems to be too much of a Pansy Parkinson clone. I would prefer to see her behavior toned down somewhat.

Chapter three is not quite so noteworthy because it is more like other stories I’ve read before (Rose thinking about how she is attracted to Scorpius, etc.). It gets better when Rose and Scorpius start talking about their summer holidays, with the humorous touch of Scorpio’s reference to the family mansion as the “family mausoleum”. The last paragraph, Rose’s stream-of-consciousness thoughts, works well because this series of short sentences jumps around the way a person’s real thoughts jump around when he or she is thinking, so it sounds realistic.

You are a good writer, better than many I read here. I like the fact that you present sensible characters being kind, intelligent, and basically on the right track, but with distinct personalities, not stereotyped, not wishy-washy, not forced. It is refreshing to read about people like this ” they actually have a chance of succeeding. They may well be compatible with each other, and a romance between the two is believable.

I see that it has been a while since you posted any more chapters in this story; that’s too bad, because it has real possibilities. But even if you never continue it, this unfinished fragment has value as a well-done piece that is enjoyable to read.

Reviewer: srhittson
Date: 08/20/13 10:40
Chapter: Chapter 3 - A Friendship Forged?

Love the story. It is so cute. Please update again soon.

Reviewer: J-Holly
Date: 03/30/13 1:41
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Recollections

I liked it! Please go on with the next chapter, I can't wait!

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 10/30/12 14:32
Chapter: Chapter 3 - A Friendship Forged?

I am enjoying this, but I wish the chapters were a bit longer.

Author's Response: Thank you! And I'm working on it - I find that usually after about a thousand words I run out of meaningful things to say in the chapter.

Reviewer: stephaniemalfoy93
Date: 07/22/12 3:05
Chapter: Chapter 2 - Thoughts and Slow Conversations

I really like this! And what a Draco-Pansy scenario you had on there with Scorpius and Adrianna. Please post charter 3 real soon! I hope Rose inherited nothing of that daft side of Ron, or it would screw everything up ...

Author's Response: Thanks! For me, Pansy is one of those girls that just fawns over any male and so Adrianna is very easy and fun to write. ;) I will try to post as soon as possible!

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 07/21/12 21:32
Chapter: Chapter 2 - Thoughts and Slow Conversations

I really enjoyed this chapter also. It's nice to think that Draco and his wife have accepted Muggles and that Astoria can hold her own with Lucius. I hope you do update soon and I don't lose track of you. Great chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks! Update coming soon, I promise!

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 07/21/12 20:10
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Recollections

I enjoyed this first chapter. I'm almost thinking that the Rose/Scorpius relationship is one of my favorites. I can usually be drawn in to one of their stories. I noticed you had a couple of squares in this chapter instead of the punctuation. Does that happen to you a lot? Sometimes I hate to submit a chapter because it's got all of these little squares that I have to go back and edit out. Great chapter.

Author's Response: I have to say that I agree with you! Rose/Scorpius is one of my favourite pairings and I so wish that Rowling would write another book with the focus on the second generation. Actually, the square punctuation thing happens to me quite often- it is that most annoying thing! And thank you!

Reviewer: September December
Date: 05/01/12 2:23
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Recollections

Can't wait for the next chapter:)

Author's Response: I promise it will be up as soon as I find a spare minute to collect my thoughts and finish it!

Reviewer: Rosty
Date: 03/03/12 17:00
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Recollections

hey i really like this! I like the way you have made Rose and Scorpius different from their parents, and Rose is such a likable character. Keep writing, I can't wait to see what happens!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I'll try to update it as much as possible!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Severus's Prince by DestinyMoonStar Professors
What does Severus Snape do when a one night stand turns into a baby boy? ...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES