MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: MissMeg (Signed) · Date: 09/16/12 3:30 · For: Chapter 1
Another Percy/Audrey fic? Yay! I stumbled on this a while ago and really enjoyed it. I really like Percy/Audrey, and you created a take on their relationship (and Audrey's characterization) that I haven't seen before.

One of my favorite things about this fic is Audrey's characterization. I especially like how she doesn't feel like you designed her around complementing Percy; she feels like an independent character. The way you blend more businesslike traits with much more light traits really makes Audrey feel realistic and unique to me. The way she's been angling for the job at the embassy for several years makes her feel just as ambitious as Percy. However, I really like how she's not a carbon copy of him; she seems bolder, more lively, and less of a control-freak than Percy is. I really like how you've created a character who complements Percy, but also is an interesting character in her own right.

I really like how in character you make Percy's affair with Audrey feel. His obvious reluctance to do something improper and his constant worry about what other people think about his really makes him recognizable from canon. I really sniggered at his embarrassment when his assistant tells him that everyone knows about his um.. rendez-vous with Audrey. His reluctance and his awkwardness when leaving the party with Audrey really made it feel in character to me, while allowing him to (at least sort-of) let go of his notion of propriety.

I think the ending works really well. Originally, I was wondering how they were going to end up eventually getting married, since they live on different continents. However, having Audrey move to Britain for her job definitely solves that. I especially like how Audrey specifies that she'd been aiming to get the job for several years, and that Percy is just a benefit. It keeps her feeling independent-- it keeps her from feeling like her life revolves a guy she's really known for about a week, which would have weakened her as a character for me.

The flashback format works really well, in my opinion. It really engaged me in the beginning, since obviously I had to keep reading to know why Percy is in bed with Audrey, a move he clearly wasn't expecting. I like how you use italics for the flashbacks; it makes it very easy to follow the piece from flashbacks to real time. The other thing I like about the flashback format is the "so many hours previously" heading at the beginning of each flashback. It feels like Percy is remembering the evening (in a sort-of 'what exactly happened again' manner), and I can completely see him mentally adding that heading as he thought about the evening. :)

To sum up, this is a stunning piece, and it is an amazing addition to the small (but slowly growing) body of Percy/Audrey fics.


Name: Ribe featherquill (Signed) · Date: 07/29/12 20:51 · For: Chapter 1
Nice work. I like the Percy in this story, but doesn't fell that he's all that real, maybe a little more controlled and stiff than I've imagined him? Well I can't pinpoint it... No matter, thanks for the story.

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 07/03/12 9:07 · For: Chapter 1
This made me smile! Love it! Started reading this at 11pm convinced myself to stop only to wake up at 3am with need to finish!! Brilliant story and I LOVE the part where Neville sends him the note about her perfume!

Name: xxbabewithbrainsxx (Signed) · Date: 03/03/12 12:44 · For: Chapter 1
Oooooooooh, Jamie, this was fab! I've only ever read one other Percy/Audrey (by Alex, if you're interested -- When The Weather Turned Fine) so this is still fairly new territory for me in terms of the pairing anyway. But you did a really good job with it. I liked your characterisation of Percy, how he was still uptight and too rule-abiding for his own good, and that Audrey loosened him up a bit.

One thing I wasn't entirely sure about was the use of italics for the flashbacks. I mean, it's okay using them when it's only a relatively small part of the story, but I think as long as you have dates/times plus line breaks, I don't see why you need to use italics on top of that. It does kind of wreak my eyesight a little, lol. It's just because you italicised rather large chunks of the text, that's all. So that's something worth thinking about, though it's entirely up to you.

I liked how it ended. I really liked Audrey as a character, how she was rather business-like but not as bound by rules as Percy was. They complement each other very well, I think.

Anyway, great story, Jamie :D

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 03/01/12 0:52 · For: Chapter 1
I really, really enjoyed this! Percy was still so Percy, yet still believable as a guy who could fall hard and fast for a girl like Audrey. She was lovely. So strong and unique, and while one might wonder what she sees in Percy, at the same time, it's just like - oh, well obviously. They come across here as one of those things that was just meant to be.
I thought your extra touches here and there really gave the whole thing some depth - the conference, Percy going back to work, etc. I especially liked his assistant sending him home. The reaction to Percy's one night stand was hilarious.
Audrey's plan for staying was well done as well. This was just such a fun, happy story - great job!
~Gina :)

Name: kheldar (Signed) · Date: 02/29/12 4:36 · For: Chapter 1
Nice job! It's nice to see someone finally get the best of Percy.

You must login (register) to review.