MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Laugh

Name: SilverDoe_IsoBell (Signed) · Date: 06/08/14 5:12 · For: oneshot
You've captured exactly what I consider James & Lily's relationship to be. Great fic!

Name: The owl (Signed) · Date: 11/18/12 10:10 · For: oneshot
Heya Lily,

As I’m sure you know, this story is just my sort of thing: my favourite pairing from my favourite era. While I read a lot of James/Lily fics, this one managed to feel fresh to me. It showed Lily and James in ways that I don’t often seem to see, and I really enjoyed that.

I thought you got into James’s head very well. I particularly liked seeing his insecurity about Lily, because it’s only natural for him to feel like that, but it’s a side of him that often gets overlooked. Seeing how happy Lily could make him, when he said “it still feels like a dream”, showed me just how much their relationship meant to him, and reminded me that it probably meant more to him because of how long it had taken to come to fruition.

Another thing I very much liked about James’s characterisation was the way he could see right through Lily. One of my favourite lines was “Lily hides the waver in her voice”. It’s almost self-contradictory, because clearly she hasn’t hidden it if James can tell it’s there, but that just shows how well he reads her. He sees what she tries to hide from the rest of the world.

Plot-wise, I really liked how unexpected this was. Given James and Lily’s ages, you’d think that maybe Harry was unplanned, or that they would have been likely to have conceived him very easily. Here, you turned my expectation on its head by suggesting that Lily could be infertile, and you managed to convince me of your scenario very quickly. I think that opening the story in the middle of their problems really helped with that. You didn’t give me time to question it; I was just catapulted straight into the action.

However, I did feel like Dumbledore’s mission for them was a little underdeveloped. I liked that you referenced canon, with it being the third time they faced Voldemort, but I didn’t really understand what they were doing or why. Saying “He wants the two of us to go up against…against You-Know-Who” was sufficient to move your plot along, but it didn’t give any real context. Adding a little more detail might have given their arguments on the subject more weight, I think.

Then again, while I would have liked to see a little more detail behind their argument, I was impressed by the arguments themselves. So many James/Lily stories (my own included) are full of fluff and don’t show the downs in their relationship. By showing them arguing, you made them feel more real to me. I also thought that these interactions felt very natural. The characters spoke like real people “ not always coherently, but with plenty of emotion. I liked the way you used ellipses (…) and dashes to show moments of hesitation and uncertainty.

For me, your choice to use the 1st person and the present tense was very effective. It made the opening feel claustrophobic and full of emotion, and that drew me right into the situation. As I said above, opening in the middle of James and Lily’s problems was very effective, and this added to the immediacy of the story. However, I did notice that sometimes, James didn’t phrase things in a very British way. Because you’re writing in the first person, I notice more when you say things like “vacation” and “a couple weeks”. (We’d say a couple of, here.) Apart from those little details, though, I thought you had James’s voice just right. I loved it when he said “Let’s go kick some Dark Lord arse”. The fic overall has a fairly dark mood, but this little bit of levity suited James very well.

Overall, I enjoyed this story very much. It surprised me, yes, but it also convinced me and drew me right in. It may not be a typical James/Lily story, but it fitted with the ideas I have of them as well as making me look at them in a slightly different way.


Name: Maple_and_PheonixFeather (Signed) · Date: 04/15/12 3:22 · For: oneshot
What a cute little story, Lily! I loved the emotion that you captured in the story. It’s definitely something that feels very fresh to me and I haven’t read anything like it before, which is nice.

For the most part, I think that you did a very good job of writing the story from James’ point of view. As I have been reading fanfiction more, I have noticed that often times a story written by a girl in a male point of view feels forced and unnatural. I think that you have really captured James’ mood very well without it feeling forced. I also really liked how James likes all the little things. The comment that he loved her saying I love you because he waited so for her to say it was so lovely  One thing that popped out at me is that one moment James says he likes the fighting, and the next he says he doesn’t. I think that you could maybe differentiate the two, like maybe he likes the bickering but doesn’t like the fighting.

I think that you gave Lily a lot of colour in this story. I like seeing her lose control, especially since she always appears very calm and collected in the books. I think you really portray the swirling emotions that she must be feeling due to all the stress and disappointments of her life in a believable way.

What I liked about your approach to this story was that you didn’t portray Lily and James as the happy couple that everyone sees them as. You open with them fighting and they continue to fight throughout. For me, this made the relationship feel more real, as real couples do argue and have problems, and the one you are portraying is definitely a real problem for many couples. What I did find a little confusing was why Lily chose that exact moment to say that she missed her period. I think that maybe that could have been expanded a bit, because I was a little confused. Overall though, it was definitely a sweet little story that felt real to me.

Great job, Lily! I think I should read more of your stuff 


Name: Soap (Signed) · Date: 02/23/12 14:18 · For: oneshot
Good story. Loved the line about how James still can't believe it when Lily says she loves him, that one really stuck out to me. I did feel like you kind of lost your train of thought a little at the end, but I understand that it's a one shot and you didn't have time to get into a lot of depth. Well done!

Author's Response: Oh my Salazar. You are one of my favorite authors EVER and it's such an honor to be a review-ee, lol. No. Really. Thank you a lot for teh compliments and crit, and sorry for such an inadequate response. Lily xxx

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